Search found 7115 matches

by Heather
Mon Jun 21, 2021 1:13 pm
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

Glad to be here for you in this!
by Heather
Mon Jun 21, 2021 1:11 pm
Forum: Sex & Sexuality
Topic: Uhhh I don't know what to call this
Replies: 3
Views: 45

Re: Uhhh I don't know what to call this

If that's the case -- if your parents would literally do either of you some sort of harm -- then the only sound answer is not to do this thing that is a choice to do and that you can easily not do. Part of making sound sexual choices is making choices that are healthy for us in all of the ways, incl...
by Heather
Sun Jun 20, 2021 8:40 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

I think Siân got you started with some good stuff here, but I want to add one more thing. It sounds like a LOT of your sexual life has been focused on your partner's wants and needs. It also sounds like a lot of it has centered his pleasure more than yours, it really does. So, it may well be that he...
by Heather
Mon Jun 14, 2021 8:57 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

Letting go can absolutely be the hardest thing, and for sure, it's a very different thing, letting go and still being present, than say, dissociating or compartmentalizing. Good luck with it! I'll be right there trying with you!
by Heather
Sun Jun 13, 2021 11:51 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

It really is my pleasure. I have my own challenges with letting go (as a Buddhist, attachment has definitely been my biggest challenge, even after working on it over decades!), so I can relate. I really like the sound of this direction for you. “Try less” also sounds really healing to me — so often ...
by Heather
Sun Jun 13, 2021 11:23 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

Reading more in your first big response, I have another reading suggestion to add to Angela Chen's "Ace," which I still think would be a good one for you. I still need to get more time with it myself, but I've seen enough to be pretty clear that Devon Price's "Laziness Does Not Exist&...
by Heather
Sun Jun 13, 2021 11:19 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

I agree with you, that trying to float with the sure-why-nots that feel about curiosity are a way to go, as are trying to steer clear of any that come from places that don't tend to be sources of good stuff: pressure to perform (personally, culturally), obligation, fear of not conforming or of not m...
by Heather
Sun Jun 13, 2021 11:07 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

More on the other stuff in a second, but first:

What if letting it go IS “getting it done?”

Just consider it. ;)
by Heather
Sun Jun 13, 2021 9:39 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

I wanted to plop this one in a separate post: The Ultimate Guide book raised an interesting idea about some pre-orgasmic women subconsciously feeling unable to "let go" to experience orgasm because they feel so much pressure and that everything else is so out of their control, that the one...
by Heather
Sun Jun 13, 2021 9:30 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

Yes, I am 300% with you. In fact, I am so, so glad to have heard your critical reactions to this, eespecially this: Intellectually, I feel like I'm doing really great inner work and making really great progress with my partner, with both of us expanding our understanding of sex and sexuality and all...
by Heather
Sun Jun 13, 2021 9:14 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

Hey there, sandpiper. It's really nice to see you, and I'm so happy to hear about all the positives. I am less happy to hear about the other stuff, particularly some of the media you're asking about. In all honesty, I actually don't think talking about it in the way you're asking is worth your time ...
by Heather
Wed Jun 02, 2021 7:45 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Does not liking fingering mean I could be ace?
Replies: 1
Views: 359

Re: Does not liking fingering mean I could be ace?

Hey there, browngirl. So, it sounds like you might be coming to this with the idea that what sex is is something much more limited than...well, what sex actually is and can be. For instance, the way you masturbate? That's sex. If you did that with another person present on purpose, to enjoy them bei...
by Heather
Wed May 26, 2021 8:29 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

That's great! Just wanted to check in to be sure. :)
by Heather
Tue May 25, 2021 11:28 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Intense, Heavy Bleeding After Losing Virginity
Replies: 2
Views: 2492

Re: Intense, Heavy Bleeding After Losing Virginity

I just want to come in here to say that if this level of bleeding is still happening, by all means, you absolutely should see a healthcare provider. For future reference, anytime you're ever soaking through two or more pads in two hours or less, it's time to go to a healthcare provider (and you do N...
by Heather
Tue May 25, 2021 11:25 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

Hey, sandpiper: I don't want to step in too much and interrupt the flow of these great conversations you're having, but I do find I'm curious about something. In any of the conversations you and your partner are having about all this since you started coming here, has he been able to be very support...
by Heather
Mon May 24, 2021 1:37 pm
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

It really is my pleasure. :)
by Heather
Mon May 24, 2021 1:17 pm
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

Happy to help! And yeah, I get it. In so many ways, the narratives around all of this stuff -- especially if you're heterosexual or in partnerships that fit that paradigm in any way -- are so restrictive and so counter to what actually is in alignment with pleasure, joy, intimacy...it's a real head ...
by Heather
Mon May 24, 2021 12:49 pm
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

So, a couple things! For one, I think this is where planning real time for being together -- otherwise known as dates! -- really comes in handy. It's much harder, like you said in that post, to really have time to get in the headspace for pleasure if it's all crammed in there with a teeny bit of tim...
by Heather
Mon May 24, 2021 11:19 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

Sure! Will take a look in a bit and circle back!
by Heather
Mon May 24, 2021 9:47 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

Hey there, sandpiper! I'm back around today if there's anywhere you'd like to pick things up!
by Heather
Fri May 21, 2021 11:56 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

You're welcome. Talk again soon. :)
by Heather
Fri May 21, 2021 11:35 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

Sure! I rankle at the term “foreplay” for a lot of reasons, but one big one is it’s often used to describe things that are very much genital or other kinds of sex-sex, you know, NOT stuff that comes before or can soundly be thought of as orbiting sexual main events. I think we all benefit by really ...
by Heather
Fri May 21, 2021 10:36 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

It is absolutely my pleasure. I'm always so happy to do anything I can to help liberate anyone from feeling the way you came in feeling. It's just awful, feeling like that. So, what I was going to tell you is that in my current relationship one of the biggest things for us that we've considered our ...
by Heather
Fri May 21, 2021 10:15 am
Forum: Supporting Each Other
Topic: I'm going to juvie because I did something stupid
Replies: 8
Views: 3294

Re: I'm going to juvie because I did something stupid

No worries! This is for you, you don't owe me anything, including your time or a response. I'm sorry that you haven't been feeling good. I'm glad that you found some things that look helpful to you! I'm around if you want to talk or you need or want any more resources, but by all means, you're under...
by Heather
Fri May 21, 2021 10:13 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever
Replies: 64
Views: 7505

Re: No Sexual Desire or Pleasure, Ever

I'm really glad to hear what sounds like a shift in how you're talking about this already. You sound more relaxed to me, and less pressured. I hope that you feel that way. I hope you can feel more and more that way. Honestly, feeling any kind of pressure with any of this...well, pressure is the enem...

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