Search found 7317 matches

by Heather
Sun Jan 16, 2022 10:31 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Just need some reassurance
Replies: 133
Views: 3179

Re: Just need some reassurance

(Btw, I think you're in chat right now, just FYI, I can also work there with you this morning if you'd prefer.)
by Heather
Sun Jan 16, 2022 10:30 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Just need some reassurance
Replies: 133
Views: 3179

Re: Just need some reassurance

As I think we've talked about before, no one who is an actual therapist does that. It's an abuse, not a therapy, always has been an abuse, never has been a therapy. It's one of those things where they have used a word to try and hide what something actually is. It's never done anything but very seri...
by Heather
Thu Jan 13, 2022 1:42 pm
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: Unwanted crush
Replies: 49
Views: 1014

Re: Unwanted crush

Well, that bet certainly sounds like some pressure. Yipes. It's never fun when friends do something like that, especially when you're standing on the sidelines, being silently and solitary maybe-queer. Let them be disappointed (unless you meet someone you like, in which case, you do you!). They shou...
by Heather
Thu Jan 13, 2022 1:02 pm
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Just need some reassurance
Replies: 133
Views: 3179

Re: Just need some reassurance

There's nothing to forgive. We're good. I'm sorry that you're struggling, and I can understand that as a basis for things like self-sabotage or trying to sabotage community or support. I appreciate you taking stock of that and taking responsibility, though, especially for yourself. <3
by Heather
Thu Jan 13, 2022 12:08 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: What do I do
Replies: 3
Views: 144

Re: What do I do

Hey there, Roxiee.

How do you feel about that? I think sorting out your feelings about him doing that is probably a first step in both this conversation and in your own decision-making process with all of this.
by Heather
Wed Jan 12, 2022 2:05 pm
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: Unwanted crush
Replies: 49
Views: 1014

Re: Unwanted crush

I'm so sorry. :(
by Heather
Wed Jan 12, 2022 9:59 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Masturbating reminds me I’m not like other girls
Replies: 6
Views: 183

Re: Masturbating reminds me I’m not like other girls

Hey, Delta. Welcome to the boards. <3 I understand what you're saying and asking about. I'm also sorry that you're having this experience: it's certainly a tough situation to be in, to be struggling to do something that's supposed to make us feel good only to find it makes you feel bad in a really d...
by Heather
Tue Jan 11, 2022 1:31 pm
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Just need some reassurance
Replies: 133
Views: 3179

Re: Just need some reassurance

I'm only approving this so we can resolve this issue moving forward. You know how I feel about you putting yourself down and how I'm not here for it. You can come here or not: this is for you and up to you, and only you can decide if it's serving you. But you don't have anything to apologize for and...
by Heather
Tue Jan 11, 2022 12:34 pm
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Just need some reassurance
Replies: 133
Views: 3179

Re: Just need some reassurance

I'm curious why you'd plan to fake orgasm and why you'd tell me about planning to do that? Also, if something actually triggers PTSD it can't be ignored, and then it might not just impact you, but your partner, too, so it's not just about what you care about. Having someone suddenly dissociate on yo...
by Heather
Tue Jan 11, 2022 11:33 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Just need some reassurance
Replies: 133
Views: 3179

Re: Just need some reassurance

So, your next steps are about your safety and health: emotional, physical, sexual. Since we've got COVID going on, it's ideal not to be hooking up with new partners, period, but if someone is going to anyway, we've got info on safety for that here (long story short: vaccinations and conversations/ag...
by Heather
Tue Jan 11, 2022 10:56 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Just need some reassurance
Replies: 133
Views: 3179

Re: Just need some reassurance

So, what makes it all feeling good likely -- with or without orgasm -- is mostly just communicating to a partner what you want and what you like, both before and then as you go, during, and asking them about what they want and like and how they're feeling throughout. And making choices following tha...
by Heather
Tue Jan 11, 2022 10:33 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Just need some reassurance
Replies: 133
Views: 3179

Re: Just need some reassurance

It's all supposed to feel, at least, pretty good. And usually, for orgasm to happen, much of it needs to. Orgasm tends to happen as a result of accumulated pleasure, rather than just popping out of nowhere. That's why with a partner, it tends to be something that can take some time to get to, becaus...
by Heather
Tue Jan 11, 2022 10:21 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Just need some reassurance
Replies: 133
Views: 3179

Re: Just need some reassurance

Before we go to those places, let's pause for a sec. Can you talk about what was so upsetting about the orgasm part? For sure, I get it can be a bummer that that can be something that takes a while with a new partner (it might not, but it often does, especially when sex with other people is also new...
by Heather
Tue Jan 11, 2022 9:56 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Just need some reassurance
Replies: 133
Views: 3179

Re: Just need some reassurance

(You and me both on that word, pal. Bleck.) What you shared was really helpful for me, I hope it was for you, too. These things all sound pretty clear to me, actually, not like you don't know what you want: these are all clear things that you want. So, not everything on this list is realistic. An or...
by Heather
Tue Jan 11, 2022 8:48 am
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: Unwanted crush
Replies: 49
Views: 1014

Re: Unwanted crush

The thing is, this is our job, so you don't need to give us anything in return. For paid staff like myself, I get a paycheck for being here, besides the satisfaction of doing my job, which is pretty major a lot of the time. Volunteer staff choose to volunteer because they get things from working her...
by Heather
Tue Jan 11, 2022 8:45 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Just need some reassurance
Replies: 133
Views: 3179

Re: Just need some reassurance

Hey there, sky. You know, when it comes to making any kind of sexual choice, whatever our history, I think what's most important is that we ground it in two things: in what we're looking for most from it, and then in basic physical and emotional safety for everyone involved. In your case, I actually...
by Heather
Mon Jan 10, 2022 2:34 pm
Forum: Got Questions? Get Answers.
Topic: Unwanted crush
Replies: 49
Views: 1014

Re: Unwanted crush

I'm so sorry to hear about your guinea pig. Life is really so hard sometimes. And I'm sorry that the feelings that you have for your friend are so big and bring so much conflict for you. I'm glad you've been able to talk here, too, and while we certainly can bring this particular conversation to a c...
by Heather
Mon Jan 10, 2022 10:40 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Just need some reassurance
Replies: 133
Views: 3179

Re: Just need some reassurance

My best advice here is to just let her take the lead with this and, in fact, trust her, and take it from there. I know it’s super awkward, but it really is going to be okay.
by Heather
Sun Jan 09, 2022 1:37 pm
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Just need some reassurance
Replies: 133
Views: 3179

Re: Just need some reassurance

No, you don't. Just talk to her about this. She can help you through it.

And thanks. :)
by Heather
Sun Jan 09, 2022 11:20 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Just need some reassurance
Replies: 133
Views: 3179

Re: Just need some reassurance

You didn't mess anything up. For one, you don't have control over your feelings, none of us do. Two, feelings are not actions. You did not DO anything, you have just FELT things. Your feelings haven't harmed anyone, and I assure you, this really is so common, and it really is okay. I know it probabl...
by Heather
Sun Jan 09, 2022 10:29 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Just need some reassurance
Replies: 133
Views: 3179

Re: Just need some reassurance

Okay, so cry! I mean, it’s okay to do that and it’s okay to have the feelings that illicit that. And crying may be what you need for yourself. Look, I have been dealing with some big shit in my life the last … I don’t even know now, but Saturday was literally the first day I didn’t cry in five solid...
by Heather
Sun Jan 09, 2022 8:53 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Just need some reassurance
Replies: 133
Views: 3179

Re: Just need some reassurance

Hey, Sky. You haven’t fucked anything up here. This is really common and super normal. It happens to a lot of people when they first connect well with a therapist. I assure you, it isn’t just you, this is nowhere NEAR the first time it’s happened (maybe not even with your therapist), and this isn’t ...
by Heather
Thu Jan 06, 2022 1:05 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Long distance relationship 😕
Replies: 5
Views: 187

Re: Long distance relationship 😕

Hey again, bubblegumkid. Why don't we start with this: what do you want from this relationship and this sexual experience? In listening to your fears and you talking here, it sounds to me like it's important to you to having this kind of first-time sex be something you do with someone you're in a re...
by Heather
Thu Jan 06, 2022 1:02 pm
Forum: Gender
Topic: Gender Euphoria and Dysphoria Lately
Replies: 9
Views: 379

Re: Gender Euphoria and Dysphoria Lately

You might be able to find community-based resources that are free or sliding scale, especially if you moved to somewhere, which I'm guessing you may have, that is a queer and trans-friendly place. We can help you look if you want to get us some more info, but if you'd rather look yourself, what I'd ...
by Heather
Wed Jan 05, 2022 10:00 am
Forum: Sex & Sexuality
Topic: I'm having weird reactions to porn
Replies: 3
Views: 156

Re: I'm having weird reactions to porn

Also, just a reminder that your sexual imagination has more to work with than just visuals of any kind. Not only does none of this actually have to be media other people create, period -- as in, your own imagination can really be a very fertile place, one where you get to paint the picture and write...

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