Search found 174 matches

by Raffles
Thu Nov 24, 2022 4:44 pm
Forum: Gender
Topic: Grieving an identity
Replies: 9
Views: 372

Re: Grieving an identity

Thank you and everyone at Scarleteen for being there. I worry a lot that I’m here too much and will become dependent which is why I am trying to step away again, but it is difficult when I lack the support offline. Part of it is that online makes it so easy to identify or try labels out, where it is...
by Raffles
Thu Nov 24, 2022 12:17 pm
Forum: Gender
Topic: Grieving an identity
Replies: 9
Views: 372

Re: Grieving an identity

To be honest, I'm not sure what I think. Word vomit ahead. I feel like I'm pulled in a lot of different directions in terms of care. If I care about my stress, I would go back in the closet completely. It would eliminate stress at work and everywhere else and take care of my fear of being outed to m...
by Raffles
Tue Nov 22, 2022 7:07 pm
Forum: Gender
Topic: Grieving an identity
Replies: 9
Views: 372

Re: Grieving an identity

To Nicole- I’m not even sure that I desire that identity anymore. I think I desire what I thought that it could be (authenticity and acceptance), but now that I know what it’s really like, I don’t want it. If I had it my way, I wouldn’t choose to have any labels or have to explain them to anyone. I ...
by Raffles
Tue Nov 22, 2022 10:20 am
Forum: Gender
Topic: Grieving an identity
Replies: 9
Views: 372

Re: Grieving an identity

It’s okay, I can try to answer as best I can. To be honest, nothing feels great right now, but I think it’s probably just my mental health crashing (again). How did it feel to have someone use those pronouns: Really, really stressful. They/them is a very instantly outing pronoun. I’ve basically just...
by Raffles
Mon Nov 21, 2022 7:54 pm
Forum: Gender
Topic: Grieving an identity
Replies: 9
Views: 372

Grieving an identity

As much as I would like to be out, my quality of life has definitely gotten worse since identifying as I did and much worse after I tried coming out. I have come to the conclusion over the past few months that it is best to put this identity away and let it go. I'm just not sure how. Today, one of t...
by Raffles
Wed Nov 16, 2022 10:11 am
Forum: Gender
Topic: Choosing pronouns
Replies: 7
Views: 305

Re: Choosing pronouns

Of course! I think an interesting question for everyone is did you choose your pronouns or did your pronouns choose you?
by Raffles
Tue Nov 15, 2022 8:03 pm
Forum: Gender
Topic: Choosing pronouns
Replies: 7
Views: 305

Re: Choosing pronouns

Hello, all. Some really interesting responses here, thanks for engaging! Nicole- My first experience with gendered languages was in high school, and it was eye opening for me too. Suddenly it wasn't just people who had pronouns, but all dogs are he/him and mountains are she/her. I do wonder if that ...
by Raffles
Tue Nov 15, 2022 10:19 am
Forum: Gender
Topic: Choosing pronouns
Replies: 7
Views: 305

Choosing pronouns

How have y’all settled on your pronoun(s)? I’m trying to find something that I’m okay with and is plausible for others to use for me. I used to like they/them, but it’s caused me so much distress and fear that it no longer feels like a good thing. I like some neopronouns (e/em and fae/faer), but it’...
by Raffles
Mon Nov 07, 2022 9:23 am
Forum: Gender
Topic: Hair and Presentation
Replies: 37
Views: 21301

Re: Hair and Presentation

I agree that gender euphoria is a difficult term. For me, the ideal would be living a life where I don’t have to think or feel anything about gender at all. In that case, it’s not euphoria really. Gender free I guess? I’m not sure if that’s an attainable goal, though. Thank you for being vulnerable ...
by Raffles
Wed Nov 02, 2022 3:03 pm
Forum: Gender
Topic: Hair and Presentation
Replies: 37
Views: 21301

Re: Hair and Presentation

Sorry, just venting ahead. Today I got a trim to get my layers evened out, and there’s a good chance that I’m beginning to have another episode of alopecia. I know it’s just hair and I’m lucky that there’s no (physical) pain, but I’m still upset. I’m angry that I may never have the hair I want, and ...
by Raffles
Mon Oct 31, 2022 8:51 am
Forum: Gender
Topic: Hair and Presentation
Replies: 37
Views: 21301

Re: Hair and Presentation

Well, it’s been almost two years, and I’m revisiting this topic. I still currently have short hair, but I’m thinking about letting it grow back out for a few reasons. The first is that I my realization from earlier is still true. Very few people gender me correctly even with short hair and button do...
by Raffles
Fri Oct 14, 2022 8:42 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Ghosting
Replies: 3
Views: 862

Re: Ghosting

I’m sorry to hear that you’d been getting ghosted. I feel like it’s much more common given the online dating scene. I also feel that the culture of “you don’t owe anyone anything” is often misconstrued and used to justify a lack of communication or maturity in handling situations that should be disc...
by Raffles
Wed Oct 12, 2022 6:26 am
Forum: Gender
Topic: Avoiding the pronoun question
Replies: 8
Views: 1157

Re: Avoiding the pronoun question

I think it's best to just leave it. I'm fortunate enough to be early enough in my career that moving locations is easy, so I just have to make it through the school year. When I move and meet a whole new set of people, I'll know better what I'm getting in to from my experience this year. As for my p...
by Raffles
Mon Oct 10, 2022 7:56 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Ghosting
Replies: 3
Views: 862

Ghosting

I've been ghosted quite a bit this year, and I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. For reference, none of these have been in the context of dating. Mostly, it's been about getting in touch with people and talking about hard things for some closure. It's happened a good 5 times this year where I've reac...
by Raffles
Mon Oct 10, 2022 7:55 am
Forum: Gender
Topic: do i even bother with pronouns
Replies: 2
Views: 970

Re: do i even bother with pronouns

Jawz, that sounds exactly what my life is right now. I don't have any advice, but you're not alone. I've decided to go back in the closet and try to forget about it (since everyone else seems to have already anyway), but I do admit that it's taking quite the toll on my mental health. I know this pro...
by Raffles
Fri Oct 07, 2022 5:41 pm
Forum: Gender
Topic: Avoiding the pronoun question
Replies: 8
Views: 1157

Re: Avoiding the pronoun question

I'm typically a master of deflection, so it's funny (in a sad way) how bad I am at deflecting these questions. I suppose it stems from my aversion to conflict. I worry that people will say "I'm just trying to be inclusive" or what have you and then it's my fault for being rude. I also want...
by Raffles
Tue Oct 04, 2022 4:02 pm
Forum: Gender
Topic: Avoiding the pronoun question
Replies: 8
Views: 1157

Re: Avoiding the pronoun question

Hi socks! I hear you on answering differently based on the situation. In professional and academic settings where I don’t know anyone, I feel comfortable pretending like I forgot and just say my name. When people as me specifically, I have a harder time lying. It sort of feels like I’m forced to com...
by Raffles
Mon Oct 03, 2022 8:00 pm
Forum: Gender
Topic: Avoiding the pronoun question
Replies: 8
Views: 1157

Avoiding the pronoun question

With national coming out day coming up, I've been doing some thinking about what kind of information we owe others. As someone who is mostly closeted regarding my gender identity, the pronoun question causes me quite a bit of stress. It's becoming more and more common to ask for pronouns. As someone...
by Raffles
Mon Sep 26, 2022 10:49 am
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Scheduling a time
Replies: 4
Views: 548

Re: Scheduling a time

Unfortunately, my employer has blocked scarleteen on the wifi, and I’m unable to chat from my phone. Does Friday or Saturday work for anyone? I’m happy to set aside time on either day.
by Raffles
Sun Sep 25, 2022 6:24 pm
Forum: Ask Us!
Topic: Scheduling a time
Replies: 4
Views: 548

Scheduling a time

Hello, It was suggested that I try the chat, and I'm interested in setting up a time. I've looked over the times the chat is open, and I am free during the Monday 10-12 and Friday 2-5 times. I do have a little concern about being able to respond immediately because I do have some trouble with readin...
by Raffles
Sat Sep 10, 2022 9:13 am
Forum: Supporting Each Other
Topic: A long ramble
Replies: 38
Views: 4080

Re: A long ramble

I'm still on hiatus, but I just needed to say this. I found out from my most recent paycheck means that I'll be making less than $2000 per month even with a degree and certification. A big part of it is that my dad pushed me into a higher savings bracket that I can afford, and I think it's too late ...
by Raffles
Wed Aug 31, 2022 3:32 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Friends and mental illness
Replies: 13
Views: 1522

Re: Friends and mental illness

Yes, I can do that next time. I don't mind the lack of consistency and delay and privacy because of the anonymity, and I do worry about my abilities to chat because I'm dyslexic which makes my reading and ability to process slow haha. But if I can text, I can probably chat. My apologizes. I recogniz...
by Raffles
Tue Aug 30, 2022 9:39 am
Forum: Supporting Each Other
Topic: A long ramble
Replies: 38
Views: 4080

Re: A long ramble

It’s frustrating because I understand that I need mental health care in the form of therapy, but I can’t do it because of previous experiences in therapy. I’m not really sure how to move forward right now, hence my general sense of despair. It’s hard to feel like things will get better when you can’...
by Raffles
Mon Aug 29, 2022 7:37 pm
Forum: Supporting Each Other
Topic: A long ramble
Replies: 38
Views: 4080

Re: A long ramble

Just a small update: I decided to cancel my appointment. It felt very unprofessional of me to use work hours to take a personal call, especially as a recurring event. This is not to shame Heather for doing that at all; it is just simply my feelings on doing it for me. I also have a lack of privacy a...
by Raffles
Mon Aug 29, 2022 7:27 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Friends and mental illness
Replies: 13
Views: 1522

Re: Friends and mental illness

No worries, thank you for listening to my reaction. I didn't mean to sound angry, it was just that I started a thread about one topic that was resolved and then it started to get into more personal questions about my mental health and relationships that I didn't want to talk about. And that does see...

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