Search found 74 matches

by Raffles
Mon Nov 15, 2021 7:48 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Imbalance in friendships
Replies: 21
Views: 1039

Re: Imbalance in friendships

A few updates. I spoke to my friend/manager about how her report made things difficult for me personally. She sort of apologized to me, but explained that it was her job. It was clear that she was sorry that her actions had a negative impact on me, but it was clear that she wasn't really going to ch...
by Raffles
Tue Nov 09, 2021 3:08 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Imbalance in friendships
Replies: 21
Views: 1039

Re: Imbalance in friendships

I think she'd feel incredibly guilty and feel like she can't speak to me anymore about anything that's bothering her which I don't want. She worries enough about work as it is without my telling her that she's made my situation a lot more awkward and uncomfortable. I think she also genuinely believe...
by Raffles
Tue Nov 09, 2021 2:33 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Imbalance in friendships
Replies: 21
Views: 1039

Re: Imbalance in friendships

I can't seem to catch a break lately. I've got another friend that's been using me as her stress/venting relief. She's been very stressed out about school and work, and I completely understand that. However, she is also my manager and sort of (unintentionally) made things worse for me by reporting a...
by Raffles
Mon Nov 08, 2021 11:19 am
Forum: Gender
Topic: Validity of identity?
Replies: 11
Views: 2956

Re: Validity of identity?

Hey, y'all. It's me again. I've been working with a teacher this semester as a part of my training, and on the first day she asked me what my pronouns are. I saw the "everyone is welcome" rainbow sticker on the board, so I told her that I prefer they/them and was delighted when she used th...
by Raffles
Mon Oct 25, 2021 6:43 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Imbalance in friendships
Replies: 21
Views: 1039

Re: Imbalance in friendships

Hello, everyone. Just a small update from me. The good news is that my friend has not texted me as a hotline for a good month or so. The bad news is that we will be texting about normal everyday things, and then they'll say something like, "lol nothing matters, gonna hit the dab pen before clas...
by Raffles
Mon Oct 04, 2021 6:21 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Imbalance in friendships
Replies: 21
Views: 1039

Re: Imbalance in friendships

I really appreciate the suggestions, but I'm not sure if I can apply them to this specific relationship. This sounds completely awful, but I don't think I want to spend more time with this friend than I already am. Most of my classes are with them, we're in a lot of the same group chats, so I end up...
by Raffles
Sun Oct 03, 2021 12:55 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Imbalance in friendships
Replies: 21
Views: 1039

Re: Imbalance in friendships

I'm pretty introverted and I'm a very active member of my club so that tends to eat up a lot of my social energy. Accepting last minute plans is really difficult for me, but I do make an effort to do social things that are planned out in advance, like attending a back-to-school dinner or things like...
by Raffles
Sat Oct 02, 2021 10:54 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Imbalance in friendships
Replies: 21
Views: 1039

Re: Imbalance in friendships

The examples in those articles sound pretty extreme, and I'm definitely not there. I think I've also done my friend a bit of a disservice by making it sound worse than it is. In most respects, they are pretty good about boundaries. They know I'm pretty introverted, so they always respect my "no...
by Raffles
Fri Oct 01, 2021 6:01 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Imbalance in friendships
Replies: 21
Views: 1039

Re: Imbalance in friendships

I'd say that even before their traumatic event, our relationship was 75%+ them asking me for help. Now it's pretty much all our relationship is. We do a few fun friend things together, but it's pretty unbalanced. I didn't realize this until recently, and it's been a weird thing to come to terms with...
by Raffles
Fri Oct 01, 2021 5:52 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Imbalance in friendships
Replies: 21
Views: 1039

Re: Imbalance in friendships

I think this mentality probably comes from I was raised. When I asked for help with small things, my parents often said "I'm supposed to let you fail," so I've become very independent even with big things. My failures and issues are my own, and they shouldn't become someone else's problems...
by Raffles
Wed Sep 29, 2021 6:21 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Imbalance in friendships
Replies: 21
Views: 1039

Re: Imbalance in friendships

Sorry for the long paragraphs and post ahead. I'm not really sure what I want out of these specific friendships, but I've learned from previous friendships that it's better to keep my personal struggles out of it. This means I don't really give them a chance to support me besides the regular stuff l...
by Raffles
Wed Sep 29, 2021 11:44 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Imbalance in friendships
Replies: 21
Views: 1039

Imbalance in friendships

Hey, y'all. This is sort of long post, and I'm not sure if it belongs here because it doesn't relate to sexual or romantic relationships, but I thought I'd give it a shot. One of my friends opened up to me about something something traumatic that they went through last year, and I've been supporting...
by Raffles
Sat Sep 04, 2021 2:20 pm
Forum: Gender
Topic: Pressure to come out?
Replies: 5
Views: 974

Re: Pressure to come out?

Honestly, we aren't super close. He's definitely more of a colleague than a personal friend. The fact that he knows tells me that it's a sort of widespread fact (at least among our extended friend group) and trying to put the cat back in the bag might not be an option at the moment. I think it's som...
by Raffles
Fri Sep 03, 2021 6:35 pm
Forum: Gender
Topic: Pressure to come out?
Replies: 5
Views: 974

Re: Pressure to come out?

Yeah, the financial aspect is a big push. One of my goals for my first few years out of university is to become financial independent and hopefully be able to push myself through some mental health treatment for some ongoing issues. As for the situation with my friend, it's a bit of both. I think he...
by Raffles
Thu Sep 02, 2021 3:14 pm
Forum: Gender
Topic: Pressure to come out?
Replies: 5
Views: 974

Pressure to come out?

Hey everyone! It's been awhile since I last posted, but I've been pretty stuck lately. I've been thinking a lot of the pros and cons of coming out, and it's really weighed more on the con side for me. For me personally, I feel like coming out as agender it a lot for trouble than it's worth. In my he...
by Raffles
Thu Jul 08, 2021 5:19 pm
Forum: Sex, Culture and Politics
Topic: Educating young kids on LGBT+ identites
Replies: 6
Views: 1419

Re: Educating young kids on LGBT+ identites

I hear you. I tend to believe that pretending like all sides of an argument are equal can be pretty harmful (like appearing to say that homophobia is okay). I'm definitely struggling to toe the line between shutting it down and not getting fired. I think that taking a no-hate approach and comparing ...
by Raffles
Thu Jul 08, 2021 4:17 pm
Forum: Sex, Culture and Politics
Topic: Educating young kids on LGBT+ identites
Replies: 6
Views: 1419

Re: Educating young kids on LGBT+ identites

I'm unfortunately in a state that prohibits discussion of same-sex relationships in a positive light (not that that stopped any of my high school teachers). My manager suggested that I say something like "You have your own beliefs and that's okay, but we should think about how it might affect p...
by Raffles
Thu Jul 08, 2021 1:38 pm
Forum: Sex, Culture and Politics
Topic: Educating young kids on LGBT+ identites
Replies: 6
Views: 1419

Educating young kids on LGBT+ identites

Hello! I think this is my first post under Sex, Culture, and Politics. Not sure if it quite fits here, but it seemed the closest. Heads up that this story has some pretty intense homophobia in it. For some background: I'm a summer camp counselor in a swing state/district, but the kids tend to come f...
by Raffles
Mon Jul 05, 2021 3:07 pm
Forum: Gender
Topic: Validity of identity?
Replies: 11
Views: 2956

Re: Validity of identity?

I do have quite a bit of choice where I end up, so that's good. In terms of presentation, that's been sort of a big struggle for me. I don't necessarily want to fit a stereotype of non-binary in order to be seen as valid. There are some things I do that probably read as more "androgynous" ...
by Raffles
Fri Jul 02, 2021 7:49 pm
Forum: Gender
Topic: Validity of identity?
Replies: 11
Views: 2956

Re: Validity of identity?

Hello Elise and Emily, Thanks for you responses. We don't have a queer support group at school which is odd because it's a large university, but I'm graduating college next year anyway, and I'll move to a new area after. I'm really hoping that I can be just be out from the get-go (if I'm in a reason...
by Raffles
Thu Jul 01, 2021 5:05 pm
Forum: Gender
Topic: Validity of identity?
Replies: 11
Views: 2956

Re: Validity of identity?

I think a part of my hang up is that I tend to be a go big or go home type of person. I haven't had great coming out experiences (three accepting people, but two of them are forgetful of pronouns and things, and then one out right "non-binary doesn't exist" person), so I'm not particularly...
by Raffles
Tue Jun 29, 2021 7:49 pm
Forum: Gender
Topic: Validity of identity?
Replies: 11
Views: 2956

Validity of identity?

Anyone else ever struggled with the idea of not being "non-binary" or "trans" enough? How do you typically deal with that? For a little context/where I'm coming from: For a while last year, I felt really attached to the agender label. It's not that I don't now; it's more that I'v...
by Raffles
Mon Dec 07, 2020 7:37 pm
Forum: Gender
Topic: Disassociation and dysphoria?
Replies: 13
Views: 8403

Re: Disassociation and dysphoria?

Sorry it's taken me so long to respond. I ended up just having a regular conversation with him. It is unlikely that we will ever meet in person again, so I am okay with things staying awkward as they are. I haven't, but it's mostly for a lack of looking if I am being honest. Things are very tricky r...
by Raffles
Fri Dec 04, 2020 8:08 am
Forum: Gender
Topic: Disassociation and dysphoria?
Replies: 13
Views: 8403

Re: Disassociation and dysphoria?

It's been a while since I've posted on this thread, but the guy I came out to just messaged me out of the blue to ask how I am. I haven't been able to get over how our last conversation went, but I don't want to be rude. It's just all so awkward right now.
by Raffles
Mon Nov 23, 2020 6:45 am
Forum: Gender
Topic: Hair and Presentation
Replies: 31
Views: 12015

Re: Hair and Presentation

Looking back, it's kind of funny. Up until about 7th grade, I was a super happy kid and happy with how I presented. I identified as "tomboy," wore exclusively t-shirts and boy's shorts/pants. I had long hair that I rarely brushed, but insisted that it stay long. As I got to later middle sc...

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