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Scarleteen: Inclusive, Comprehensive and Smart Sexuality Information and Help for Teens and Twentysomethings
Updated: 2 hours 36 min ago

Got Questions? Get Answers. • Practicing No Risk Sex

Thu, 2019-06-06 02:16

Me and my partner practice “outercourse” but if possible is that the way we do it correct?

I go down on her first she does me and then we both wash our hands near enough at the same time.

Also, I have what you may consider a peculiar question but if my partner was to give me oral and had my semen in her mouth and then we kissed would there be a transfer of semen in our mouths then if I was to go down on her would this pose a risk for pregnancy? I think not because of the acidity levels of saliva but then again the mouth can be considered a warm place for sperm?

Another is if one partner was clothed (2layers of fabric; underwear and trouser) and the other was fully naked the chances of semen going through the fabric is not possible, am I correct? Thanks in advance.

Statistics: Posted by Useridentified — Thu Jun 06, 2019 2:16 am — Replies 1 — Views 19

Ask Us! • dry humping

Wed, 2019-06-05 22:27
Hey, so me and my boyfriend were just hanging out today but then we both got horny. Well we dry humped with no clothes on. i was a bit worried about pregnancy but he put a condom on the head of his penis and his penis wasnt wet at all so he told me not to worry. we weren’t tested out yet for STDs but we’re going to next week but will doing that be able to transmit STDs if one of us had it? also should i be worried about pregnancy since what happened was the case, like he put the condom on the tip, did not ejaculate and his penis was not wet with precum or anything? just quite concerned..

Statistics: Posted by kiiiimibela — Wed Jun 05, 2019 10:27 pm — Replies 0 — Views 2

Ask Us! • Worried about STDs and STIs after fingering

Wed, 2019-06-05 06:19
I had an anonymous fingering experience with someone who did not wash his hands. He spit into his hands to provide lube and then forcefully fingered me vaginally and anally. I am worried that I may have caught something. Please let me know what tests I should get to be sure. Also, how long should I wait to get tested? How often to get tested?

Statistics: Posted by straightlines — Wed Jun 05, 2019 6:19 am — Replies 5 — Views 26

Ask Us! • some help with confidence?

Tue, 2019-06-04 15:12
(before i get started, i just want to thank those who run this website by helping others and providing extremely helpful resources and articles. they really do help, i'm learning quite a lot)

hi there! i'm a 17 year old nb fem-aligned person in a relationship with a 21 year old cis man. we're both bi, and we both have a great, loving, relationship. we have pretty great and fun sex life, too. he's my best friend and has tried his best to be there for me during my hardest times, even the times when i became overbearing. i don't know what i'd do without him. we also have a lot in common, we both love video games, fictional media, art, and cooking together. he's the best. trust me, i evaluated our relationship plenty of times. he respects me, apologizes when he needs to, very affectionate, spoils me, etc.

however, i lack confidence and worry. i guess i overthink a lot about our age gap, fearing that what i'm doing is "taboo" or something. let me try to explain, some things are very specific, so bear with me!

- 4 years in general isn't immense, and it's around the dating age i think? but still, older men are much more likely to take advantage of younger partners, this i know. the growth between 17-21 can be immense, but he never said anything like, "you're so mature for your age", or "age is just a number", or said things like "you're too young to understand", or, "this is what adults do." i hope our age gap isn't too much, i just don't want people thinking he's a predator or a nasty pedo or something

- things regarding our sex life. the age of consent in illinois is 17, so don't worry about that! but, i worry the fact we're having sex is like, oh such a gross and nasty thing! why is this older man with this young lady! he must be taking advantage of her! sort of thing. (even though we've both respectively had dating experience prior, i had sexual experience before i met him, and he was a virgin before he met me)

- to add on to the sex stuff, there was one time he crossed my sexual boundaries. not like, rape or assault or anything, goodness, more like, we were just figuring out boundaries because we never discussed them prior. (i also have overstepped sexual boundaries in the past myself, pressured him a bit without realizing, but i apologized and feel deep remorse and we talk often as possible about our boundaries. plus, he's figuring out his boundaries, too. so i guess overstepping is bound to happen? i didn't know this at the time, but even these things happen in good and loving relationships) so i guess i worry about that because these things happened, our relationship is automatically bad and he's a nasty old dude taking advantage of me.

*and another question! sorry if i sound dumb, but i wonder if this sounds like coercive behavior i should address with him about? my man loved taking showers together, and i did a few times, but i felt a little uncomfortable bc that was where he once crossed my boundaries in the past (it was only a kiss, don't worry. nothing like assault or rape, i talked about it here in this message board and he apologized sincerely and i feel a lot better about it) and like, there's no barrier of protection at all, make sense?

every time he would ask i would say, "maybe." eventually, i have told him 2 months ago, no showers until i get an iud, and he understood, because things can get real tense real fast. (i told him this a little while before i talked to him about the boundary crossed) a few weeks later he suggested if we could shower, again, i gently reminded him until i get an iud. he tried to compromise, going, "it doesn't have to be sexual." i thought hard about it, because i would like to shower again with him sometime, it's nice. but nah, i said "better safe then sorry." and he said "ok, gotcha" and left it at that. i don't think it's coercive, because i didn't feel like anything was at stake and he didn't continue to pester me after with "oh please, please? we never shower together anymore! yada yada pleaaaase" like that emotionally manipulative, guilt tripping bs. more of like, "hey just letting you know i'm down to do this if you're down" sort of thing. he hasn't mentioned taking a shower together since, esp since i talked to him about my boundary crossed. what do you think?

so yeah! overall, i'm just asking for some tips for some confidence and some of your input on my thoughts. and also to help me analyze the last 2 paragraphs. thanks guys! i'm real sorry if i'm annoying and bothersome. you guys are a real help!

Statistics: Posted by babey — Tue Jun 04, 2019 3:12 pm — Replies 1 — Views 9

Ask Us! • Different Brand

Tue, 2019-06-04 06:13
Hey There! So I lost my pill packet a week or so into it last month and i started using another one that I had that was a different brand and had 7 placebo pills instead of 4 (the one I take has 4 placebo days).
They are both combination pills but the one i take is called Nikki and the one I took when I lost them is Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo. On Sunday I started a new pack of my usual ones and I’m just wondering if Im still protected from pregnancy even though I switched pills for a month.

Statistics: Posted by TownHall — Tue Jun 04, 2019 6:13 am — Replies 1 — Views 3

Got Questions? Get Answers. • Question on Terminology used

Tue, 2019-06-04 02:15
This is not a pregnancy scare I just have a question on the terminology used for “ejaculation” and the cause of pregnancy.

In the Pregnancy Panic Companion it talks in my own words:

Direct contact with ejaculate there can be a pregnancy. Does this mean if I had ejaculate on my hands then I pleasured a female this could lead to pregnancy

But on the other hand
Scenarios like these are NOT how pregnancy happens:

Contact with PRE-EJACULATE, but NOT during intercourse or direct genital-to-genital contact does this include ejaculate as well?

It may all be in plain sight for me but I think some of the information has gone over my head sorry to the staff/volunteers of Scarleteen for this.

Thanks in advance.

Statistics: Posted by Useridentified — Tue Jun 04, 2019 2:15 am — Replies 1 — Views 3

Ask Us! • Bleeding

Mon, 2019-06-03 18:08
So me and my boyfriend tried to have sex for the first time (genital to genital) on like May 9th, that was my first tome before i lose my virginity, well he went halfway in but we didn’t continue because it hurt and my vagina started bleeding (kinda understandable, we also didnt have lube, also the amount of blood isnt that much it stopped like a few mins or an hour later). And today, we decided to do it again and genital to genital again right but i still bled (still not much blood) and it hurt still but now we have lube as well... why is that?? Am i ever gonna not bleed when having an intimate time with my boyfriend? Is it because of the hymen still? Any tips to not bleed? (we used condoms both times btw)

Statistics: Posted by kiiiimibela — Mon Jun 03, 2019 6:08 pm — Replies 0 — Views 15

Sex & Sexuality • Condom Use

Mon, 2019-06-03 16:43
Hello! My bf and I had sex using a latex condom a few days after my period. We did it on Days 8-9 and made sure there was protection all the time. My cycle is long and it ranges from 30-40 days (average length is 35 days and my most recent cycle was 39 days long, it’s never below 30 days though). I was nervous the first time we tried, so we stopped. The second time, he had trouble keeping an erection so he would pull out to get hard before putting it back in. We then decided to stop also because he got “blue balls” which hurt for him, and for some reason couldn’t keep an erection. It was our first time so we were both nervous. There was literally no ejaculation involved.

The whole time we made sure there was protection, but i am really paranoid sometimes. Is it counted as correct condom use even if he gets soft during sex? Both times, he urinated right before sex, so does that really wash out sperm from pre-cum? And is there really a risk in my situation?

Sorry for being so paranoid but i appreciate all the help!

Statistics: Posted by Booksandoceans — Mon Jun 03, 2019 4:43 pm — Replies 1 — Views 7

Relationships • what are values? how do i stop thinking about a one sided crush on someone?

Mon, 2019-06-03 13:31
So I like someone, and I know it's totally one sided. What do I do to get this person off my mind? What are some distractions to think about, or do? Also what are values? Are values the things I want in a relationship from the person? Or are values certain types of traits that I want from someone?

The person that I like, honestly if i really think about, does not seem like someone I'd expect to like or end up at all with. We are two very different people. is that the thing about relationships, how you'll like someone, you wouldn't expect to like? idk. He likes to engage in law breaking activities, goes overboard with alcohol, has been locked up. Typing this out makes him seem like a total bad guy, but i don't know him that well and he might not even be that bad, it just seems like its perceived that way. From his friends' and families' perspectives, he's a loving person.

Anyway, I know that this is just a random crush that makes no sense. I've never been in a romantic/dating relationship, and I won't be pursuing anything like that until I'm ready. But what should i do to prepare myself if i ever find myself wanting to pursue something like that with someone? I don't want to just jump in a relationship with someone just because they're making me feel all these good things.

Statistics: Posted by pink.$kies — Mon Jun 03, 2019 1:31 pm — Replies 1 — Views 2

Sexual Identity • If You're Celebrating Pride, How are You Celebrating It?

Mon, 2019-06-03 07:49
Happy Pride Month everyone!

As someone who a) isn't keen on crowds and b)lives an hour away from the nearest major city, I'm trying to come up with some different ways to celebrate Pride. One basic one is that I'm going to add more rainbow decorations to the house (we already have a flag). Our town is small and fairly conservative, and we've heard first hand from other queer and trans folks living here that seeing the flag made them feel less alone. So, more rainbows it is, at least for this month.

I also haven't given up on hosting some sort of small pride celebration in town (think get-together rather than parade) just to get a chance to meet other queer folks and eat some tasty food.

How about y'all? Are you a parades and parties person? A DIY celebration fan? Something else?

Statistics: Posted by Sam W — Mon Jun 03, 2019 7:49 am — Replies 0 — Views 5

Sexual Health • worried

Mon, 2019-06-03 06:57
hi all,
i’d like to start this saying that this isn’t a “am i pregnant?!?!” post because i know that nobody is the pregnancy psychic i’m just askin advice to keep calm and rational

so this month i have not experienced any pms symptoms i normally do and my period is due for tomorrow. after talking to some friends they say the delay could be due to that i’ve recently dramatically changed my diet and now exercise a lot every day by walking, which they said can sometimes mess with the cycle, as well as the fact i’ve been eating a lot of vitamin c lately. i’m just worried because, while i do use condoms every time my partner and i have sex and he pulls out to ejaculate into it, i know things can sometimes go wrong. i know i just have to wait for my period to come (and if it doesn’t come in a week or two i’m going to do a peegnancy test) but in the meantime, does anyone have any tips for me to keep my mind off it / stop being freaked out while i wait? thank you

Statistics: Posted by phantomdog — Mon Jun 03, 2019 6:57 am — Replies 1 — Views 5

Sexual Health • lots of blood after masturbating

Sun, 2019-06-02 07:57
i haven’t been on here in a long time. so i was masturbating with a pretty big highlighter and there was pleasure and everything but when i took it out there was a lot of blood and some squishy thing. i was in shock and i couldn’t move and i started bawling. my mom came in and told me how disgusted she is and how i’m probably infertile. i’m so scared that i ripped something. there’s no pain at all down there but there was so much blood. i’m so scared we have an appointment to go somewhere to check me out but i’m just so nervous i think i did something bad to myself please help.

Statistics: Posted by allyson — Sun Jun 02, 2019 7:57 am — Replies 0 — Views 3

Ask Us! • i feel so disgusting and ashamed of myself

Sun, 2019-06-02 00:03
sorry if this sounds really incoherent but i’m sort of in the middle of a breakdown, i honestly don’t know what to do with myself and i’m generally feeling immense self loathing and hatred. i probably might end up leaving details out, but i’m just sort of writing this in the spur of the moment.

i realized i had pressured my boyfriend during sex. now don’t get me wrong, me and my boyfriend are in a very loving relationship. he’s my best friend, and we have great sex and discussed and tested boundaries. love him

last night, we were in his car, (bad idea, i know, but sometimes things get real intense in the moment and we tried our best to keep it low) and i was giving him a handjob and he seemed to be enjoying himself. he discussed prior that he didn’t want to orgasm because it’d be uncomfortable driving home with semen-drenched underwear.

when he was getting close to orgasm, he said, “are you trying to make me nut? because you’re getting there.”
i replied, “do you want to?”
he said, “i don’t know, i want to, but...”
i said, “well, you better make up your mind before you nut!”

i kept going, and he again, seemed to be enjoying himself. but he then said again that he didn’t want to orgasm, but at the same time he wanted to— it would just be annoying to have to clean up, etc etc.

so i drew back for a bit, and then eventually resumed, but slower and more gentle. he seemed to be ok with it, didn’t tell me to stop.

then he said, “do it.” firmly and what sounded enthusiastically.

i replied, “are you sure?”

he said, “yes.”

so i went ham, he was enjoying himself, being a teeny bit vocal. happy noises, forehead kisses, “i love you”s, etc etc. i kept asking if he felt good, how was he feeling, what felt good and all that.

he didn’t orgasm because he was taking too long and i needed to get home, but once i got home, it came to my realization that i might’ve pressured my boyfriend to orgasm. it seemed he wanted to be touched and orgasm, he was just debating really hard whether or not he should and i put a teeny amount of pressure on him to make up/change his mind. i guess i was way too eager to make him cum. but i wasn’t sure, he texted me soon after “dude, i love you so much.” all gushy and all that. i spent the whole day overthinking it, driving myself crazy, and so tonight i called him to talk about it. the conversation went like this:

“hey— we never talked about your sexual boundaries.” i started. “what are you not ok with?”

he replied, “uh... i don’t really care at this point.”

“so, if there’s anything you didn’t want, you’d tell me, right?”

“yeah.” he said.

“ok well, i was kinda worried that i might’ve pressured you a little bit last night... did i?”

“maybe a little bit.” was his reply. “i put more pressure on myself then you did.” (i don’t know what he meant by this)

i felt my stomach drop and i felt so disgusting.

“so, you wanted to be touched and cum, right? you just were debating really hard about whether or not you should?”


“i’m really sorry.” i said.

“it’s ok.”

“you promise? you promise you’ll tell me if i do something you don’t want?”

“i promise.”


“yes, god damn it!”

“ok ok ok—“ i sputtered.

“sorry—“ he replied, “but it’s ok, don’t worry. these things happen sometimes. we just gotta be careful, ok?”

“ok, thank you. i love you.”

“i love you too.”

i tried to resume the call as normal, talking about other things, but i just couldn’t stop thinking about it. so i said out of the blue, “i’m so sorry.”

“hey, i forgive you. stop saying that, ok? it’s ok.”

the urge to cry was so overwhelming, so i just broke down and put the mic on silent. he noticed i was quiet for a while, calling out my name every so often and saying that he loved me.

once i got off silent, i said, “i’m so sorry.” it was obvious i was crying because of the sound of my voice.

he told me, “please don’t cry. i love you, ok? i did have fun with you last night.”

“i love you too. i’m sorry, i just don’t know what else to do.”

“i want you to stop saying that. just lay down, and chill.”

“but i literally can’t.”

i heard him sigh, and i muted myself again just to cry. i did that for a long while, and he would occasionally call out my name and say he loved me, and he eventually dozed off to sleep. i’m writing this right now as he is sleeping.

i don’t know what to do, i feel like i did something unforgivable no matter how many times he says “it’s ok.” i’m scared to death that i may have pressured him in the past and i wasn’t aware. i love my boyfriend so much. what should i do?

Statistics: Posted by babey — Sun Jun 02, 2019 12:03 am — Replies 0 — Views 10

Sexual Identity • Happy Pride Month!!!

Sat, 2019-06-01 15:34
Happy Pride Month to everyone!

I just came out online and I’m feeling some mixed feelings - anxiety, nervousness, just generally unsure of how I identify - but I’m relieved I allowed myself to be honest and so thankful that my friends have been nothing but supportive.

No matter where you are on your journey please know that you are loved for the beautiful person you are ❤️

Statistics: Posted by thewrit3r — Sat Jun 01, 2019 3:34 pm — Replies 0 — Views 2

Ask Us! • Sexually Bored

Sat, 2019-06-01 15:01
So I'm not exactly sure if its appropriate to ask this here, but I guess I will anyways haha. So as the topic says, I'm sexually bored lol. The sexual activity I usually do is masturbation, and I usually just rub my clit while I watch porn until I orgasm but that's usually it. Sometimes I have stimulated my anus while masturbating and/ or inserted it inside, which has been good, and other times I have inserted my finger into my vagina which is okay but vaginal stimulation doesn't do anything for me. I've been doing those same things for a long time now, and have watched the same porn, so it's kind of boring now. It's just not very exciting anymore like when I first started. I would love to explore using toys and stuff but I can't yet because I'm underaged and I don't feel exactly safe sneakily ordering one online until I am more financially independent from my parents. I also don't have any sexual partners and am only comfortable with sex within a relationship so I basically don't have any outlets for sexual arousal and physical intimacy besides myself. Any advice?

Statistics: Posted by QwerTyQ — Sat Jun 01, 2019 3:01 pm — Replies 0 — Views 5

Ask Us! • storing birth control

Sat, 2019-06-01 05:34
Hey there
Do I need to start new pack of birth control pills if I left them in a hot (30-35 degress celsius) car but not on sunlight for about an hour?
Will they still work as usual? Theyre all monophasic. Thanks

Statistics: Posted by moonlightbae — Sat Jun 01, 2019 5:34 am — Replies 3 — Views 14

Bodies • Is it normal to be anxious about having to large of a penis?

Sat, 2019-06-01 05:14
I'm 20 years old and I've been anxious about my penis being to big. I heard horror stories from female friends about sex with dudes around my size being painful and unpleasant.

So is it normal for me to be anxious of my size? since I am slightly larger than average.

Statistics: Posted by Trentyp — Sat Jun 01, 2019 5:14 am — Replies 1 — Views 12

Got Questions? Get Answers. • Masterbation

Sat, 2019-06-01 00:44
I'm 13 and before you ask yes I am going through puberty, I have hairs ect. I've recently started jerking off. It feels incredible but I have never came, my legs start shaking and my tip get sensitive but I usually just end up pissing.Sorry if this is awkward to answer :p but do you push cum out or dose it just come out naturally? THANKS

Statistics: Posted by Fr8 — Sat Jun 01, 2019 12:44 am — Replies 1 — Views 8

Abuse & Assault • Afraid

Fri, 2019-05-31 21:38
I have been feeling afraid lately mainly of the outside world. I'm graduating highschool in about two weeks. I have been coming across a lot of knowledge about myself and at times its overwhelming. I've been feeling insecure in my body mainly in clothes while im in public. Also I'm afraid of people touching me. I really enjoy affection and intimacy but lately the idea of being touched or touching someone is too much. I feel isolated when these thoughts and emotions arise for me. Does anyone have any experience with what I'm describing?

Statistics: Posted by Lostand_found — Fri May 31, 2019 9:38 pm — Replies 0 — Views 4

Ask Us! • How do I choose my sexual identity

Fri, 2019-05-31 10:24
I've been wondering about if I'm comfortable being called a girl bc I "am" one. So when I have a chorus concert for school we're supposed to wear all black and a dress or skirt for the girls and a dress shirt with pants for the boys. The thing I am most uncomfortable with in that situation is wearing a dress or skirt. I have never liked wearing a dress or skirt because I feel uncomfortable and scared. I'm also scared to show up to the concert wearing pants so I don't know what to do. But when it is a regular day of school or I'm going out in public I just wear a tee shirt and jeans. What I'm mostly confused about is if I am a boy or girl. I have been called a boy and girl before (I have a "boy" short hair). But then when someone tells me I'm going into the wrong bathroom (I was going into the girls bathroom and they were trying to tell me to go into the boys) I ended up getting even more confused and uncomfortable and angry. Now when I'm out in public or at school I try to avoid using the bathroom unless there is a non-gender specific bathroom and us it.

So what do you think I should do or think about??

Statistics: Posted by Marshmallow765 — Fri May 31, 2019 10:24 am — Replies 1 — Views 9