Politics

Three on Getting to the Bottom of Things

Virginity isn't a term used in sexual health or defined medically, anatomically or by any one sexual activity. It's a word some people use to determine when they or others have or have not had anal sex. We only ever done oral sex, so when he brought up anal I was a little scared. We both decided to at least see if it could work. We were at his house and I got on my knees and he slowly went in. At first if hurt then it didn't. All in all we only did this for about 7 seconds then we stopped. We were never intending to do anal for longer than 15 seconds. We were just going to do long enough to see what it would be like. After we stopped we sat on the bed and I asked him if this counted as sex. He said that it didn't. (We are both virgins by the way...or maybe not?) I'm not sure if it counted. If it did then did I just lose my virginity?

Double Feature: Harassment and Flirting

Let's talk about what's real when it comes to the size and shape of the labia and mons first, then address harassment.

evie05 asks:

I made a big fashion faux pas today to wear leggings without anything to cover my butt/crotch which resulted in a "cameltoe" (slang for labia majora being outlined through tight clothes). And a guy at school rudely pointed it out to me and implied I must have a lot of sex because that makes the outer lips more fleshy and prominent.

The thing is, I haven't had any sex, I'm still a virgin, so I was pretty embarrassed and offended. I just thought cameltoe was caused by clingy, tight clothes. Was this guy just ignorant about girls' bodies or is there some truth to what he is saying? I honestly feel ridiculous asking but I just had to make sure.

Do these pants make me (look) trans?

What our sex change or anything either. I've only been attracted to guys, as friends and romantically. Because of my hardcore tomboyishness, guys never ask me out/respond favorably when I flirt. In high school, everyone assumed I was a lesbian. I said no, since I don't like girls.

Since I feel more like a guy, but like guys, would that make me transgendered somehow?

What Makes Someone Good in Bed?

That's one of the best questions I've received in a long time. I wish more people would ask it!

But. Umm. I can't actually answer it.

veganpop asks:

I'm confused as to how a girl can be "good" in bed in a heterosexual relationship? What does it mean to be good at sex?

How can I stick to the promise I've made to myself to wait?

For starters, I think staying silent about this with a romantic celibate person would admit, sometimes I get these truly surreal urges for sex: I catch myself thinking that maybe even a little bit of touching while kissing would be fine, or I just think about what it would be like if we ever got married and ended up sleeping together. I have said nothing to my boyfriend, in case he misconstrues it as an invitation, but it has recently been very, very difficult to resist, especially with all these hormones making me want sex. I want to stay true to my decision to stay premaritally celibate, and I will pride myself on not being tempted, however my urges make the battle all the harder sometimes. Any suggestions?

How do I make my activism more accessible?

<b>Anarchofemme's question continued:</b> <i>So, to get to the point, do you know of any strategies feminist groups have used to make issues of sexual violence more accessible to those not already familiar with them? Would it help to focus on issues of sexual assault and violence against women. I've got good ideas for speakers, the women's department at my uni is supportive and I have organised similar events before.

My problem is: how can I frame the event so as to draw people to whom information about sexual assault (myths, prevalance, how particular gender stereotypes/ideas about sexuality can contribute) would be most useful? Currently, events run by the women's department often only get a select group of women already engaged by feminist issues. I fear that if I call the event something like "myths and facts about sexual violence", or something similarly straightforward, it would only be attended by people from this group, as others would be intimidated by the reference to sexual violence and would view it as something only relevant to people who have experienced sexual violence, rather than EVERYONE!

Untangling a Gender, Attraction and Relationships Tangle

The way you framed this is tricky, because our sexuality isn't separate from our minds and can't be separated from our minds, just like our bodies can't be separated from our minds. In fact, our mind is where most of sexuality really is and is what drives it the most. We can't say something is sexual and not also psychological and emotional, because the psychological and the emotional are huge parts of our sexuality.

Unidentified_72 asks:

Can you be attracted to one gender sexually and the other mentally? How can that work with having a relationship?