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Sexual Identity

Unlearning Unlovability

I hid my fears and insecurities by desexualizing myself. Now I'm on the path of uncovering ways to unlearn ugliness as an identity.

He Doesn't Want Sex Anymore. I Do. Now What?

chubbychickpea asks:

My partner and I have been dating for over a year now and have just begun to hit some rough patches. We used to have a lot of (what I thought was) really great sex. Then one day he told me that all that sex had been only mediocre for him. I was mortified and also ashamed because it felt like maybe he had never really want to have sex with me, he was just doing it because he knew I wanted to. Recently, he says that he might be asexual, but he isn't sure. He's trans and in the middle of transitioning, so he says his body is changing. He says masturbation "works wonders" for him, and he feels no sexual desire for me whatsoever. I've researched a/sexual relationships - the options are 1) me learning to like masturbation - I do, but it's not enough for me 2) him compromising to have sex, which reeks of non-consent and grosses me out 3) an open relationship, which isn't an option for either of us. I'm sexual. I want to feel sexy and desired and to have sex and everything that goes along with it. But if he isn't, what am I supposed to do? Right now the solution feels like I should just repress my libido so I won't need to have sex any more, but I don't even know if that's possible. I'm at an age where I'm being told left and right to assert myself as a woman, as a sexual person, as a queer person - but it seems like all of that's stopping now. If I'm not a sexual woman any more, I don't even know if I can consider myself a woman. That's right, this is potentially gender identity rocking for me. Please give me any and all advice. I'd appreciate it. - Sad, Confused, Terrified.

Don't Want to Have Sex?

Then don't! Here's a feast of support and help for those who want to say no, not now, or not-like-this to sex or sexual relationships.

同性恋与双性恋

許多青少年有很多問題,當涉及到同性戀及雙性戀。在一個文化,往往是如此確鑿的方向和異性戀之外的性身份,許多青少年變得緊張時,他們覺得吸引到那些同性,擔心自己可能是同性戀。其他懷疑(或者甚至是非常肯定),他們是同性戀或雙性戀,但都不敢這麼說是因為他們沒有完全確定,感覺他們將品牌以某種方式,或者僅僅是因為他們害怕被拒絕,被遺棄或通過他們的朋友,家人或社區挨罵。而至少有800萬人在美國是同性戀,大約有70億人仍然認為它是一個“疾病”或“變態”。

How do I behave sexually without someone thinking I'm a slut?

gorg.mel asks:

How do I text my significant other without coming off as a thot or a whore?

Casual...Cool? Making Choices About Casual Sex

Casual sex: what is it? Why would -- or wouldn't -- you want to have it? What makes it more likely to be a blast or a bummer? We've got all this and more right here.

Do I need to come out as asexual?

Unchained asks:

I first learned asexuality existed around a year ago. I decided to research it simply because it was something I had never heard about and wanted to be informed.

I came across AVEN and several blogs with people telling about their own experiences with asexuality and debunking myths. After some time of reading about it and kind of forgot about the matter, kept the information I had researched as something to remember when talking to people.

Several months later, the Sunday newspaper featured an article about asexuality. Like before, I didn't think much beyond that it was good asexuality was finally seeming to get some media to talk about it.

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