Relationships

Can I Start Dating When I Have a Mental Illness?

Steelflower asks:

I'm a seventeen-year-old girl and ten months ago, I was diagnosed with a light form of pseudologica fantasia, usually known as mythomania. The basis of this illness is an addiction to telling lies. I'm seeing a therapist for this and she's a very kind and competent woman, but she has warned me that this illness is usually hard to cure and there are few known cases where the therapy was actually able to get rid of the problem. I'm doing a better job at keeping it under control than I used to but the urge is still there. I just keep it under wraps and tackle the illness on my own, with the support of my nuclear family. The thing is, one of my friends has recently expressed a romantic interest in me, and I would very much like to get involved in a relationship with him, but this would mean disclosing my problem to him, because of course I'm not going to enter a relationship without telling the other person involved about this first.

Excuses used to explain or justify abusive relationships.

"So often, it's clear that until someone gets out of an abusive relationship, they don't recognize how often they make excuses for a partner's abuse, self-blame or rationalize their abuse away with a million different excuses and fables." Here, Scarleteen message board users share the excuses they made (to themselves and others) for a partner's abusive behaviour, reasons and explanations that made much less sense (if any sense at all) once they were free of the abusive relationship. These excuses range from taking responsibility on self, blaming characteristics and circumstances the abusive partner had no control over, to using practical reasons for remaining in an unhealthy partnership.

The Excuses You Made For Them

Avoiding abusive or unhealthy relationships: Identifying Hard Limits and Relationship Deal-Breakers

So, you got out of an abusive relationship (rock on, you!).

Now that you have, or since you have, you obviously want to do all you can to never get trapped in one again.

Obviously, we can only see so much coming: none of us is psychic, and as many of us know all too well, abusive people can be slippery and manipulative and awfully hard to see coming.

But one thing we can do is to form some hard lines, some dealbreakers, some things someone might do that can tip us off to them not being healthy or healthy for us, things where we just go "Oh, nuh UH," and vow to turn away and get gone ASAP, rather than getting pulled in.

We might be talking about someone saying really sexist stuff, someone demonstrating in some way they can't manage their anger, someone who is very jealous or possessive, someone who says things that suggest they want to control how we dress, who we hang out with, how we spend our time.

Do you have any of these now? What are they?

The Nuh-uhs

Risky Business: Learning to Consider Risk and Make Sound Sexual Choices

Choices about sex and intimacy will always involve some risks, and making sound choices when risks, emotions and social high stakes are involved isn't something anyone is magically expert at. How can we learn to do it well, and what are some common things that trip us up?

Help! I can only orgasm in the same position.

Jen asks:

Help! I"m 22 and I can only orgasm with my legs completely straight and close together. How can I change this? I've been having manual/oral sex with my boyfriend for 5 months now and still don't have to courage to tell him because I'm embarassed. Am I weird? Can this be fixed? If so, how?

Is my boyfriend's penis sensitivity normal, and what is a refractory period?

feministconundrums asks:

My boyfriend's penis gets very sensitive after ejaculation. I've looked everywhere and all I found some information about a refractory period but I don't really understand what that means. Is his sensitivity, and maybe even pain, normal?

Breaking a No Condom Habit

CuriosityCat asks:

I am 20 and sexually active. I don't have a long term partner but have had and do have various partners. I have an IUD so I'm protected against pregnancy, however I know condoms are still hugely important. My problem is that I am completely stuck for what to say to make a man put one on. At the moment, it's just getting carried away then really kicking myself later. I have to be more diligent with this, but please- do you have any advice for laying down the law? A non awkward, but still sexy way of asserting myself?

How do I find out if I'm bi, or not?

Pandas_Arecute asks:

Hi! I am a 15 year old female and I think I may be bisexual, I have talked to a couple friends (who are straight) that I trust, They either said "It's just a phase don't worry" Or "There is only one way to know and that is to have sex/kiss another female." But I don't know any lesbian girls to do that with! I'm pretty sure it's NOT a phase but I need to know how to find out if I'm bi or not. My school/parents are not very accepting of lesbians, bi's and gays, so I wouldn't be able to talk to my parents. Another thing is I'm secretly sort of wanting to do something with a girl. Please help me!I feel so lost!

Tell me how to get him back. I'll do anything.

Michelle15 asks:

Hi, I'm 15 and I started acting hysterical after my break up. I really do love him and after talking to him, he still loves me. He also likes one of my closest friends. I believe this is gods test to see if we're meant to be and I practically begged him to go out with me but he still had said the same answer, "No." I don't know what to do. He wants me to like other guys and go out with them and he wants to like other girls and go out with them. I don't know what to do. I really want to be together again and I'm willing to do anything. We've tried our version of friends with benefits and I just got grounded. I want to be with him so bad and he's everything to me. He taught me how to love, he guided me through my dark times, he helped me through my depression and he broke up with me because of school and stress. Can you please help me get back together with him before summer break ends? Thank you so so so much!

How Do I Tell My Boyfriend I Was Raped?

keylos via asks:

Two years ago, I was raped by a boyfriend. I suppressed those feelings for a long time; I've only recently come to terms by calling it rape and I'm trying to be more open about my experience, in the hopes that it will help me heal. I've only told my two closest friends.

I'd like to tell my current significant other. I trust him, and I think it's fair he should know what problems I have before we get involved too deeply. I'm really nervous about this, though. How do I even start the conversation? What if he doesn't take it well? I'm definitely not in a place to discuss my rape in detail, but how do I talk about how rape affected my personal boundaries?