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Advice

The Scarleteen Concierge: No Lines, No Waiting

Help us help you help yourself (now try saying that ten times fast).

Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That?

Want a quick way to sort out what does and does not pose real risks of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections? We've taken the temperature for you here.

Pregnancy Scared?

Worried you might be pregnant? Evaluate your risk, find out what steps you may need to take next, check in with your feelings and by all means, breathe. We're here to walk you through it.

What's Sex?

It's obviously important if you're here for information that you know what we mean when we talk about sex, so we thought we'd make it clear.

My Boyfriend Doesn't Enjoy Oral/Manual Sex, and I Feel Bad About It

MojMycha asks:

My boyfriend doesn't enjoy receiving oral or hand jobs, and it makes me feel inadequate, what can I do?

Parental Controls

Noodle asks:

I have been in a monogamous relationship with someone my age for two years. We have been sexually active for a year now. My parents are religious and conservative, and believe strongly that there is no place for sex outside of marriage and I shouldn't be committed to my boyfriend until I have graduated college, which I am attending now. I have a very close relationship with my parents and didn't want to have to keep up a facade of chastity, so I told my mom that my boyfriend and I have been having sex. She was very upset and it launched a 3 month ordeal of restructuring boundaries for my boyfriend and I and reestablishing trust with me. My parents insist they still like my boyfriend as a person, but they no longer want us to have anything to do with one another. My boyfriend and I go to different schools and are apart for months at a time. We were originally planning to visit one another, but my mother says that if he visits it will permanently damage their relationship with him and my relationship with them. Over winter break, we were not allowed to ride in the same car together unless there was an adult chaperoning us, and my parents made sure we spent just as much time with them as with his family. It was horrible, and my mental health really suffered. I want to be able to go back to having a free, adult relationship with my boyfriend, but I also want my parents to approve of him again. I am dreading going home, but I really want to be able to see my love again. Any advice would be very welcome.

A problem with "premature" ejaculation...maybe isn't premature ejaculation.

ctguy asks:

My boyfriend and I started having sex about a week ago. Our first time was also my first time having sex. The three times we've had sex so far, I've finished a lot earlier than him, and a lot earlier than I want to. Basically I'm on the brink of coming by the time things get hot and heavy near the end of foreplay. I have no problem getting him off and I've managed to hide my quickness so far by pretending to come into a condom or tissue. But it's hard to keep up the ruse, and sex would obviously be a lot more enjoyable if I had control over my own stamina. Is this something that happens to all guys their first few times, or is there something I can do to fix it?

He Doesn't Want Sex Anymore. I Do. Now What?

chubbychickpea asks:

My partner and I have been dating for over a year now and have just begun to hit some rough patches. We used to have a lot of (what I thought was) really great sex. Then one day he told me that all that sex had been only mediocre for him. I was mortified and also ashamed because it felt like maybe he had never really want to have sex with me, he was just doing it because he knew I wanted to. Recently, he says that he might be asexual, but he isn't sure. He's trans and in the middle of transitioning, so he says his body is changing. He says masturbation "works wonders" for him, and he feels no sexual desire for me whatsoever. I've researched a/sexual relationships - the options are 1) me learning to like masturbation - I do, but it's not enough for me 2) him compromising to have sex, which reeks of non-consent and grosses me out 3) an open relationship, which isn't an option for either of us. I'm sexual. I want to feel sexy and desired and to have sex and everything that goes along with it. But if he isn't, what am I supposed to do? Right now the solution feels like I should just repress my libido so I won't need to have sex any more, but I don't even know if that's possible. I'm at an age where I'm being told left and right to assert myself as a woman, as a sexual person, as a queer person - but it seems like all of that's stopping now. If I'm not a sexual woman any more, I don't even know if I can consider myself a woman. That's right, this is potentially gender identity rocking for me. Please give me any and all advice. I'd appreciate it. - Sad, Confused, Terrified.

My parents and I have different ideas about sex and relationships - how can I still be honest with them?

purplenirvana asks:

How do I tell my mom that I'm not virgin anymore? Our family is very religious and believe in waiting for marriage. Me and my mom are really close and it just kills me not to tell her! Please help!

Is 13 the "Right" Age for Sex or Romance?

Gabbii777 asks:

I'm wondering what a good age to have a 'relationship' is? I'm 13 and I've sort of began to have stronger attractions both emotionally and physically to boys. I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship and I'm scared that if it doesn't work (for example, if I'm frigid or something) it will ruin our friendship. I know it's not much of a big deal but I just want some help and reassurance.

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.