Last December, we began our end-of-year fundraising for Scarleteen with a goal to raise the minimum we needed from online donors for 2012, $35,000, a very modest ask compared to other organizations or projects of or near our tenure and level of service.

Unfortunately, we still have not yet been able to raise even half of that sum. As of today, we have raised almost $15,000. We're so very grateful to the 135 individuals who donated generously to help us get to that sum, but that total just won't do. We run our organization and services far more cost-efficiently than similar organizations or groups, and can stretch a dollar like nobody's business, but that can only get us so far.

We need that minimum of 35K for this year -- which, combined with a private grant and existing donors, still giv us only $80,000 to do everything we do -- in order to sustain and maintain our services and those who provide them, create new content and tools, and to keep our organization afloat.

We don't like to ask for money again (actually, we don't like asking for money at all) so soon after we've just asked, but what we like even less is the prospect of being unable to continue with the level of education, information and support that so many people rely on us for and have valued year after year. So we're asking again.

We didn't use to do fundraising at the end of the year: for years we did our yearly push around Valentine's Day. Why Valentine's Day? Well, because everyone is usually talking about sex and love already, for one. As a sex and relationships education organization, we're obviously up with sex and love. Commodified holidays, not so much, but at the same time, celebrations of love and sex are things we'll generally figure can be a Good Thing.

Too, it's a time of year when an awful lot of people shell out an awful lot of money to express, celebrate or instigate sex and romantic love. Americans alone will spend close to 17 billion (that's right, 17 billion) dollars on flowers, candy, baubles, bangles, cute underpants, dinners, getaways and other gifts and tokens. We think that spending ten, twenty or fifty dollars less on that stuff so you can support something a lot more likely to help people cultivate and nourish healthy, happy sexual and romantic lives when they want them (and with no risk of cavities!) is a great gesture of love and care, one certainly more meaningful than a Whitman's sampler or lingerie that's really for the person buying it rather than the person it's being given to.

We keep hearing people asking where truly comprehensive, inclusive and thoughtful sex education can be found, or even saying that no one does or provides that kind of sex education anywhere.

Where is progressive, inclusive and in-depth sex education, information and support most young people around the world can easily access, any hour of the day they want or need it?

As the millions of teens and young adults who find it at Scarleteen every day of every year can tell you -- nearly 5 million of them used our site and services in 2011 alone -- it's right here.

Where's sex education that's as supportive of people choosing not to engage in sex as it is for those who are? Right here. What about sex ed that also supports those choosing to have an active sexual life, including with partners, and does so without judgment? Right here. Where's sex and relationship education that really talks about what makes relationships healthy and what makes them unhealthy? Right here. How about sex ed that addresses consent clearly and thoroughly? Right here.

Where's the sex ed that isn't just for straight people, able-bodied people, cisgender people or people whose relationships are inside the proverbial box? Right here. What about sex ed that also helps victims or survivors of sexual assault or abuse, intimate partner violence or domestic violence? It's right here at Scarleteen.

Where's sex ed that helps young people unpack misinformation or mixed messages they pick up from friends, parents, poor quality sex ed or abstinence-only and the media? Right here. Pro-choice sex education, and sex education that not only isn't conspiculously silent about abortion, but talks about it openly and soupportively? Here. Sex education that talks about body-image, self-image and self-esteem? Here. Sex ed where people can actually engage in candid, frank conversations with someone educated who they can trust, someone who won't blow them off, blush or back away when they ask questions? Here. Sex ed whose agenda is set by what those receiving it are asking for, rather than by funders or state or federal mandates or politics? Here. Sex education that actually addresses pleasure, and talks about sex as something that isn't just about avoiding the bad stuff, but seeking out the good stuff? Here, again. Where's sex ed that also is sure to provide all the basics, like information about anatomy, safer sex and STIs and contraception? It's all right here.

We've been right here, doing all that we do for 14 dedicated years now, and we'd really like to keep on doing it, continuing to hold up a high bar for not just online sex education and information, but all sex education; the kind of thoughtful, in-depth, diverse and candid sex education young people themselves ask for. But we need help and support in order to keep doing that.

It probably doesn't surprise you that sex ed this forward-thinking, this progressive and this pioneering isn't usually the kind of sex ed that gets state and federal funds or giant grants. It's not the kind of sex ed taught in most schools, even those with comprehensive programs. During most of the years we've been around, here in the U.S. federal funds weren't even available for ANY comprehensive sex education, and that's not something which has improved much with the end of the Bush administration. It's also not something very likely to improve very much very soon from the looks of things. And private funding for sex education of any sort, let alone sex ed like we private, is also tremendously hard to come by, especially when you answer to those you provide services to and what they want, rather than to funders, whose aims and agendas often aren't in alignment with what young people say they need.

But we're stubborn, and we've kept doing what we do despite all the challenges, financial and otherwise. We love doing what we do just as much as those who benefit from all our services love it, and our hope is that anyone who also loves what we do and can help us to keep doing it will.

If you already know that all the kinds of things people are asking for in sex ed can be found right here at Scarleteen, and you know how valuable that is, we'd very much appreciate your help. If it's news to you that we've got all this going on, or you've never even heard of us before today, take some time to look around: if you like what you see, please help us out. Even a small donation can make a big difference.

If you want a great way on Valentine's Day to demonstrate some love and care, to support sex and sexual or romantic relationships that are as good as they can be, we don't think you could do better than to give a little towards a service and organization as deeply passionate about and dedicated to quality sexuality and relationships education as Scarleteen is.

If you'd like to know more about who we are, what we do and why and how we do it, or how else your contribution will be utilized, the links below are some starting points. We're also always happy to answer any questions you may have directly, including discussing larger contributions or private grants: feel free to email us anytime.

Big thanks for taking the time to read and consider our ask of you today, and we wish you and yours the richest celebrations of sex, love or both you might have today and every day. If you're able to give today and support what we do, we hope your hearts swell all the more with the knowledge that you've helped give young people a big foundational piece of what they need in order to best cultivate, navigate and enjoy their own sex and love lives, in all their awesome diversity, for the rest of their lives.

• Support Scarleteen: Your Support Gives Young People Our Support
• All About Scarleteen
• Scarleteen Is...
• Support Scarleteen
• What Is Healthy Sexual development?
• User Testimonials
• About Our Bully-Free Zone
• Our 2011 Demographic Survey
• Real Peer Education

UPDATE: As of 2/18/2102, 21 new donors contributed an additional $1,795 in support. Thank you! We still have a long way to go to reach our $35,000 minimum goal, but your help gets us that much closer!

There seems to be the almost universal belief among North American parents (I'm sure this is a phenomena found elsewhere as well, but I'm just talking about what I've personally seen) that their kids, whether these are theoretical future children or actual kids, and whether they have yet to reach their teen years or not, will hate or at the very least dislike them. Teenagers hate their parents: everyone knows that.

My mother has told me that when my sister and I were small, she used to say to my father that he had to take over primary parental duties once we hit our teen years. She's told me that she loved being a parent, and loved spending time with us, right from the get-go, but being surrounded by warnings of "wait until they become teenagers!" she always thought that would change when we got older.

Out for a Fall walk in 2008. We so obviously hate each other.

I suppose it's actually a very reasonable belief that your teens will dislike you: after all, most teens I know and have known do dislike their parents!

What isn't true, though, is that that dislike is inevitable.

The dreaded teenage years came in my family, and likely to my parents surprise, nothing horrible happened. I mean, problems came up in day to day life, for sure, but looking back, I actually think that in terms of parent-child relationships and issues over "discipline" type stuff the teen years were (and are, as my sister is still a teen) smoother than when we were younger. I attribute this to the fact that it was a constant progress over the years from more traditional parenting to more respectful parenting (which mirrored our transition from relaxed homeschoolers to unschoolers).

Though there are definitely unschooling parents/teens who don't have very good relationships with their teens/parents, it seems that the majority of unschoolers really and truly do. Which to me, is a wonderful thing to see.

I believe the reason for that is actually pretty simple.

When the subject of "teenage rebellion" comes up now, my mother is fond of saying "why would you rebel, since there wasn't really anything to rebel against?"

Now, I think there is an important distinction to be made here: some parents proudly brag about how their teens aren't "rebellious," and what they really mean is that their children are obedient to their parents wishes (or, possibly more likely, are simply very good at hiding the aspects of their life that their parents would disapprove of). When I say that most unschoolers I know, myself included, don't or didn't "rebel" against our parents in our teen years, I don't mean it's because we fit the perfect-child model of some narrow-minded authoritarian-parenting suburbanite.

While I've never been very big into alcohol or drugs, I definitely drank long before the legal drinking age (though admittedly the whole culture in my home province of Quebec is very different from the rest of North America, in that virtually everyone drinks at least some amount from the time they hit their teens, with the parents knowledge). My sister, who turns 18 (legal drinking age in Quebec) this summer, has been going to bars since she was 15 or 16, with my parents knowledge (again, very common practice in Montreal). Both my sister and I have been openly anti-state, anti-hierarchy, and anti-authority for years. I've dyed my hair unusual colours, shaved the sides of my head, and worn clothes throughout my teen years that plenty of parents I know would have disapproved of. Sometimes we stay out late into the night. We've been known to participate in Pagan religious rituals. We swear frequently. We hang out with people who are big into drugs. If all those things were listed entirely out of context, it would probably sound like we were the people that many parents warn their kids about (then again, for all I know, parents have warned their kids about us...)!

So why do we get along so well with our parents? It's pretty simple: control.

Or, more accurately, the lack of control.

Think of the things that most commonly cause friction between teens and their parents: breaking curfew, bad marks in school, skipping school, using drugs, subscribing to different religious and political views than their parents, disobeying parents...

Compare this to a respectful unschooling parent: no school, no marks, no curfews, no orders, and a belief that teens are entitled to their own beliefs.

I want to make it clear that being a respectful parent doesn't mean agreeing with or approving of everything your teen does: it just means accepting and not attempting to control what they do. Thus, a parent that's strongly anti-drugs of all types might share all their opinions on the issue with their teens, give them information on why they believe what they do, etc. Yet despite that, they wouldn't ground, punish, or shame their teen if they came home high. In a mutually respectful relationship, teens are far more likely to genuinely take their parents opinions into account when deciding what they want to do, but teens are still their own complete and autonomous people, and will make the choices they deem best for themselves in the end.

Parents in general, from the most to least mainstream out there, all seem to frequently express a wish that their children communicate with them and be honest with them. Yet what the more authoritarian and punitive parents seem oblivious too is that no one is going to be honest with someone else if they know that by being honest, they're opening themselves up to be yelled at, punished, shamed, or treated with anything less than respect. Those parents also don't seem to realize that good communication has to work both ways: parents can't expect their children to spill all the secrets of their lives, all their important thoughts and deeds, to someone who thinks their own personal life is none of their kids business.

I also want to make it clear that I don't, and didn't when I was still in my teens (having just turned 20 a couple of months ago, I still have trouble remembering I'm no longer a teen!), tell my parents everything. I'm my own person, with my own life, and some things stay private. Sometimes because it's something very personal, or a secret not mine to share, and sometimes it's because I know it would worry or upset them to know something. Yes, occasionally I keep things (and have kept things in the past) I know my parents would disapprove of away from them, not because of any fear that I would "get in trouble" or anything like that, but simply because I don't want them upset or worried about things they ultimately have no control over.

My (and my sister's) relationship with my parents is really good. We talk to each other about everything from how we've been feeling, what we've been doing, interesting links online or news stories, what our friends are up to. We don't stray away from subjects such as drug use and other illegal activity. I'll cheerfully announce that a friend is taking up graffiti, and Emi will call to say she's headed out to a bar after band practice, so expect her home late. I've never worried about coming home smelling like weed. And because of the relationship we have, my sister and I have never hesitated to get our parents help when we're worried about a friend doing hard drugs, and we'd never hesitate to call instead of driving home with someone who's drunk.

I'm incredibly grateful for the relationship I have with my parents, and that my parents are the people that they are.

So in conclusion, here are my very inexpert opinions on what makes a good parent-teen bond: respect, honesty, communication, and a lack of coercion and control.

Basically? Treating each other like full and complete human beings, with different desires, beliefs, aspirations, and experiences.

It's such a simple concept: don't be your teen's enforcer, be their partner. And if more parents acted this way? Well, then I think we'd start seeing a hell of a lot less of this "teen rebellion" thing!

Originally published at http://yes-i-can-write.blogspot.com/