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Sexuality: WTF Is It, Anyway?

The term "sexuality" can be used a lot like the word "sex." They're both terms we say and hear a lot, but which often aren't clearly defined. We take for granted everyone knows what sexuality means, a heck of an assumption to make with something that covers so many important things and can feel as murky as Lake Erie. So: what's it all about?

With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body

Usually sexual anatomy is taught through the lens of reproduction, so it’s all about penises and vaginas, testes and uteri. But through the lens of of pleasure and sexual response, sexual anatomy looks a lot different.

All About S.E.X.: The Scarleteen Book!

Get your hands on S.E.X.: the in-depth and inclusive young adult sexuality guide by Heather Corinna! Check out reviews, the table of contents and a myriad of places you can get your very own copy of the sexuality primer for every body.

How should I have sex with him if I hate his body parts?

rainbowboy asks:

So I am 17, and I am a gay boy. I was talking to this guy for a while over the internet, we met, and we both really hit it off. Well one thing that I didn't really notice is how feminine his body was. Well we were texting, and he told me that he was a FTM (female to male) transgender individual. The issue I am having is that I really like this guy, but I don't like females. And while he has a female anatomy, he still acts completely male. So I was wondering what a smart way to experiment, to see if it would work, would be, while at the same time not hurting him. Please let me know... I really like this guy, but hate his body parts.

A little more background: I am a pretty sexual person, so it makes a kind of a big deal to me. I can watch straight porn and enjoy it. I can imagine having sex with a vagina. I never have experimented with a girl. I have always been with boys, and have always acted as the "bottom."

I'm scared to touch my own vagina: why?

birthdaycake123 asks:

Hey. I'm 14 and I've never fingered myself. I've done other things, but the thought of fingering myself just seems gross. A couple times, I've tried to, but then I get to thinking about how gross vaginas are, and I chicken out. I know this is irrational, but do you have any advice on getting over this? Thanks.

Has My Penis Stopped Growing?

HatesSnickers asks:

I am 23, almost 24 years old now, but when I was in 7th and 8th grade and even in 9th grade; when my schools talked about sex education, I learned that a man’s penis size is not set in stone; and will more than likely continue growing until about age 20 or so, sometimes earlier and sometime later. Regardless, the size of a man’s penis can also grow after achieving its’ ‘full’ length by how much blood is circulating within the penis at that point in time. However, as with most Junior and Senior High Schools, we never covered anything past that.

I know that there is no magic pill and the only way to increase a man’s size is through painful surgery(expensive surgery that only adds anywhere from one to two inches of length once preformed). This is my problem; and as embarrassing as it is to even mention to anyone else; I feel that it needs a bit of attention, and not just for myself.

Is it entirely possible for someone to mature sexually before they have finished growing? For instance: I was seven years old when I began having dreams that would make the normal teenage boy feel like he was watching a skimpy swimsuit special on TV. I was twelve years old when those dreams turned from swimsuit TV shows to something you’d find from a soft core distributor-that was also when I found out that the Pipe worked as it was intended to.

I have seemed to have sped through those stages of life mentally…But physically, it seems that I have loped off several years of growth. My penis has been the same size as it’s been since I was twelve. If it has grown; I have not noticed it. Of course, I didn’t think much of it until I was in 10th grade and in the locker room at school after a Weight Lifting class I had opted for at the beginning of the semester. I was changing from my workout garb to my school garb, when a kid; shorter than me in general height, walked out of the shower and started flaunting his naked body to the whole class bragging that he had the largest Pipe in the Box. It made me wonder…Did some people mature faster than others to the point that they weren’t going to grow anymore?

As stated before, I know that there are no pills or magic drugs/exercises that will enlarge someone’s penis size; but when the thought of trying to find a girlfriend who doesn’t care about the size of one’s penis makes me feel like I’m staring down the barrel of a loaded 12 gauge shotgun(something I have done before) it makes it incredibly difficult to move forward with my life. Plus, it’s not exactly something one would want to advertise about while looking for a girlfriend; you know?

This is About Genital Herpes

I realized that I was uncomfortable associating myself with genital herpes. Will people think I have it? Why else would someone write about genital herpes and risk that association if they didn’t have it, right? So I pressed on, putting myself at the center of an itty-bitty social experiment that resulted in some pretty big stuff.

Loving Your Body in 5-7-5

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Submitted by Heather Corinna on Wed, 2011-10-19 07:03

Starting in 2006, for NOW's Love Your Body Day, our volunteers, staff and users have been creating haiku about body love and acceptance on our message boards.

It's resulted in some fantastically cool pieces over the years, so we figured we'd share a few of them today as it's that fine day yet again!

dry mouth crooked teeth
smiling never stops despite
himself, filling doubt
- foraday

Fuller or thinner
My luxurious body
Rejoices to live
- Juniata

"Ew, don't wear tight stuff."
Said to me some years ago
Finally past it
- Hyancithe

Chopsticks might seem nice
But I walk on prized columns
So show some respect
- Insecure-Poetry

my eyes, almond-shaped
brown like the good earth, birthright.
china's descendant.
- winsome

my feet are too big?
mom, look at how I stand here
stable on this earth
- bluejumprope

Big tits, big round bum
but comes with a little tum,
it's proportional.
- Lady

skin hangs loose, with marks
from my belly, he emerged
tiny baby feet
- Alice

Dark as chocolate,
Warm and kind. With the eyes of
grandmother I see.
- James the Dark

thunder thighs alight!
muscle any obstacles
challenge those who dare
- Blue Koi

What I see, in fact
is not what you see at all.
You see a woman.
- Bun Bun

This post is part of the 2011 Love Your Body Day Blog Carnival. For more posts in the carnival, have a click on that link! Want to see the rest of these haiku or pen your own? Here's where they live on our boards.

Want to know more about Love Your Body Day? Here's NOW's letter about it this year:

Today, the National Organization for Women Foundation celebrates its 14th annual Love Your Body Day -- a day when women of all sizes, colors, ages and abilities come together to celebrate self-acceptance and to promote positive body image. Since the launch of Love Your Body Day in 1998, NOW Foundation has used the campaign to challenge the unrealistic beauty standards and gender stereotypes promoted by the media, Hollywood and the fashion, cosmetics and diet industries.

"It's time to start valuing women for the contents of their character rather than their appearance," said NOW Foundation Education Vice President Erin Matson. "We're fed up with unhealthy images and messages, and we want to encourage women and girls to celebrate themselves not only on Love Your Body Day, but every day."

Research show that the U.S. spends over $33 billion on weight-reduction programs, diet foods and beverages, and more than 50 percent of women say they would consider having plastic surgery. Statistics revealed in the new documentary "Miss Representation" are shocking: The number of cosmetic surgical procedures performed on patients 18 or younger more than tripled from 1997 to 2007. Among those 18 and younger, liposuctions nearly quadrupled between 1997 and 2007, and breast augmentations increased nearly six-fold in the same 10-year period.

This year, NOW Foundation is hosting its first ever Love Your Body Day Blog Carnival in which writers from all walks of life will share their thoughts about the effects of advertising and the media's influence on women and girls. Blog carnival topics will range from eating disorders to children's body image awareness.

NOW activists and women's advocates will host a variety of events across the U.S. to help raise awareness about body image and women's health issues. Hollywood NOW's events will include a panel discussion featuring body image experts and special host Meghan McCain. Other NOW chapters and groups are planning body-positive style workshops, programs offering free eating disorder screenings and much more.

I'm a guy interested in receptive anal sex: does that mean I'm gay?

bobwilkins asks:

I'm a 16 year old boy, and for as long as I can remember I have been attracted to girls and yet rarely able to feel comfortable around them and get to know them. I've always been a nice person (the friendly guy) but without that many actual close friends who are girls. Recently I've noticed I am turned on (and everything that follows that) with the thought of receiving anal. Yet when I actually tried to see what anal was like through porn (I know this isn't realistic) I really didn't like it (to be polite). People have sometimes quietly thought of me as homosexual as I've never had a girlfriend and now I'm really not sure about myself? There are so many bad stereotypes and public jokes about gays I don't think its worth considering? I guess if I could fall in love with a girl and kiss her I would be far more confident...but I shouldn't need this! Advice please?

I'll Show You Mine: Blink

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Submitted by Heather Corinna on Thu, 2011-09-15 11:12

This is our final installment of stories and photographs from I'll Show You Mine, a book by Wrenna Robertson and photographer Katie Huisman, and by all of the women featured in the book, collectively. To find out more about the book, Wrenna, and why we think this is such an important project, check out our interview with her here. Or, you can visit the website for the book to find out and more and get a copy for yourself.

If you'd like to ask the person whose body and words are featured in each entry any questions or have a conversation with her, most of the subjects have agreed to make themselves available here in the comments for discussions with our readers. As mentioned in Wrenna's interview, so many people never get the opportunity to talk about genitals in an honest, open and safe way with others, so we encourage you to avail yourselves of the opportunity, and are so grateful to the women involved for making this kind of conversation available to Scarleteen readers.

We're also happy to talk with you as Scarleteen staff or volunteers if you like. Depending on your feelings about your own genitals or those of others, and your experience (or lack of it) in seeing vulvas so realistically before, reading narratives or seeing images like these may stir up feelings for you which are uncomfortable. We're glad to talk you through any discomfort if you like should that happen for you. We're also happy to answer any questions this series may bring up for you about sexual or reproductive anatomy, either here in comments, on our message boards, or through our text service.

Reminder: This post includes a set of unaltered, unretouched and detailed photographs of the vulva for the purposes of awareness and education, not for sexual or other entertainment. If you do not wish to view photos like this, or are in a location where you do not feel comfortable viewing them, you may not want to read or scroll to the bottom of this page. We have left substantial space in between the words and the images so you may read all of the author's narrative without also viewing the images if you prefer.

This post also includes a first-person narrative reflective of the author and their own thoughts, feelings and language, which may or may not reflect the opinions or values of Scarleteen as an organization.

My name is Blink.

Yes, the picture you are looking at is my vagina.

When I look at this picture, I feel alienated. I will tell you why. Here is my story.

When I heard about this project, I got so excited about it. Right away, I volunteered to participate. Words could not describe my reaction to learning about genital cosmetic surgery. I felt that I was doing something important by participating. And then shooting day came. I realized that my vagina was really going to be a model.

I am a woman who believes it is important to keep some hair on the vagina. The hair is there for a reason: it protects your genitals from several things, including bacteria. It's also a natural way to reduce unwanted friction during intercourse.

I've never removed my hair fully. I only trim for personal hygiene. When I trim I don't necessarily try to get a perfect shape.

But this time, before the photo shoot I considered trimming perfectly. "It's going to be in the book," I thought.

I started to trim. In a short time, I noticed that my hair was becoming less and less. It happened so fast. I couldn't believe that I had removed it all. "No hair." I wanted to scream.

I was looking at the mirror to see what I did. And my vagina was looking back at me. "What did you do?"

Should I cancel the photo shoot? This is not the way I look naturally. I can't undo it. I couldn't believe that "the look of my vagina" had become such a big concern.

What I believed had practically collapsed. being photographed "got" me. Wanting a well-trimmed look, the process had resulted in a disaster. I felt I didn't really respect myself, by contradicting my beliefs and altering my body.

I hope this story reminds women that we are all beautiful just as we are, and not to let anyone or anything change how you look naturally.

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Previous posts in this series:

Want some information on vulvas and other sexual anatomy, gender and body image? Check these links out to get started:


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