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working it out

He was sweet at first, but then I said no to sex...

Anonymous asks:

I'm a 15 year old virgin and at the beginning of the summer holidays a met this guy through a friend of mine. We got on really well and started dating about a week after we met. The only problem is now we've been going out for a few weeks he's started to change, he's not as sweet and caring anymore and has started to try to get me to do more sexual things with him. He says his last girlfriend and him had sex after two weeks and doesn't understand why I will only do basic things. Up until now I've found it so easy to tell people I don't want to do something, but I've told him I don't think we've been dating long enough to do anything serious and he won't listen. Please give me some advice, I'm worried soon I won't have the guts to stand up to him and I don't want to be rushed into anything I don't want to do.

Am I ready for sex, or is it just my hormones talking?

Anonymous girl asks:

I have just become a teen and sometimes I feel like having sex but I don't want to because I'm not ready. I just started my menstrual cycle. I think it's just my hormones but I am not sure. I also think it's wrong to do it unless you love someone a lot or your married. Most people today in our modernized world don't have the same philosophy. Am I weird? I am really religious so if I do it, it's gonna be on my conscience. Also since protection is not always 100% I might get and STD or pregnant. I need some advice. I don't think I can handle a sex life right now.

He likes it rough and I want it gentle: are we hopeless?

Minny asks:

I'm 21 and I have recently started going out with by first proper adult boyfriend - though I'd had sex a few times before, it had never been in a relationship that lasted very long or got very serious. I have really enjoyed getting close to my boyfriend and have looked forward to having a developed sexual relationship. However, as we began to have sex more often, it wasn't slow and careful like it was in the beginning and he started have sex with me in a way that I would consider 'fucking' rather than 'making love'. It's 'fast and hard', as they say. I know that makes me sound very passive, as if I don't contribute to how things happen - which I do if I choose to - but he seems to like it like that and I don't want to completely dominate how we have sex by saying that it must always be slow and gentle. He also has said that he finds it difficult to stay hard if he goes slowly.

For me, there seems to be a contradiction between how affectionate and caring he is with me usually (which he always is) and the way that he has sex with me. He enjoys and takes time over making me orgasm and is very loving. I asked him whether he saw that contradiction between that and the fucking and he said only that as long as it's in a loving relationship, couples can be rough with each other during sex and that it was normal.

Do I need to prove my love to him by giving him money?

Jasmine asks:

So basically I have this boyfriend who is 2 years older than me. The sex is great and everything is fine. He really is one of the sweetest guys I have ever known. We have been together for months. I went out with his best friend first (who I lost my virginity to). He is perfectly fine with that as it was 2 years ago. Just one minor flaw. I was also under a lot of pressure at the time I lost my virginity and so when he asked me for large amounts of money, I gave in, believing that he loved me. It would not be an understatement to say that he ruined my life. He told EVERYONE at school what happened between us. However, he only told his friend (my boyfriend) about the money.

I am deeply in love with my boyfriend, and everybody is happy for me. When I say he is the most generous, kind guy I really mean it, and my caring friends also agree. But now he has asked me to give him money. Now I appreciate the fact that I am more well-off than him and his friend...but still. He said that if I love him I would give it.

How do I talk to my friend with benefits about safer sex issues?

Ashleigh asks:

I have a friends with benefits relationship. I was on the pill before we started this relationship and I had a STD test which was negative. When we got together we used condoms a few times and then we got in the habit of not using a condom. I haven't been with anyone else since I was with him, but he may have. I don't know how to ask him if he uses a condom if he is with another girl or if he has ever been tested. Do you have any ideas I can bring this up in a not nosy sounding or not an accusing way? I just want be safe and I want him to be too.

I've been faking, but I just don't want to tell him.

Anonymous asks:

I'm seventeen years old and have been sexually active with my boyfriend for the year that we have been together. I have faked orgasm almost every time we have had intercourse. I have read your site and read the dialogue you have provided on how to come clean about this form of dishonesty. However, I feel that at this point I am not sure the best thing to do is come clean. I would like your thoughts on what sort of dialogue I should be having with my boyfriend concerning different things we can do so that I can achieve orgasm, without hurting his feelings. Do you think it's healthy to not tell him at all and move on towards a healthier relationship?

Depression has sapped my libido: will it ruin my relationship?

Emma asks:

My boyfriend and I have been together for over two and a half years. We used to have sex a lot (meaning a couple times a week and seeing as we could only see each other on the weekends, that wasn't too shabby). However, I've been dealing with a lot of depression and anxiety problems that have been making it hard for me to feel like having sex. This has been going on for a couple months and in that time we've had sex twice. I miss being with him and I know he misses it too. I don't want this to tear us apart. He's been there for me through all of these mental health problems and is definitely there for me during this rough sexual patch but I want that old spark back. What should I do?

He only wants sex with me after watching pornography.

Maggie asks:

My question is my husband watches other girls get off on cam. I don't like it and he has been told but he still does it. He doesn't seem interested in me until after he has watched them. He pays no attention to me and when he is in the mood it's like after he's watched the other girls and I feel like I have to give it to him because I feel I have to. I guess it's fear of him going out and getting it from someone in person rather then me but I am tired of feeling like I have to and I'm tired of being put on the back burner. I need help as to what to do or how to deal with this.

Unsatisfying sex and transitioning to college in our relationship

Anonymous asks:

My boyfriend and I recently started having sex, we were both virgins. Making love to each other is amazing because we are in love but for me, I can't feel anything. I know theres a million reasons that maybe he doesn't know what to do and stuff but I was hoping if there were any suggestions to help. We are also kind of worried because he goes away to college in a month and a half and he is basically on lock down there. We can barely see each other for the first year. On an emotional level we aren't afraid, but sexually, could not having sex be an issue? A discussion came of of "seeing other people" but no relationship wise, more like hooking up just to get the needs met but we wouldn't discuss anything with each other. Someone said it would help us and in the end we would want each other that much more. I know I love my boyfriend and I don't want anyone else but him but because we are still young and haven't experienced anyone else, would it be smart to try things with other people?

What if he wants to have sex in 2 months?

lkjafkldffjaskj asks:

I have heard people talking about how they have had sex with their boyfriends after just 2 months and it scares me to think that my boyfriend will want it that soon because I'm scared to have sex, not just because of the risks but of what he'll think and all that stuff. We have only been going out for a week and I am not thinking of having sex with him or receiving/giving oral but I'm just thinking about 2 to 3 months from now will he want it? He has told me he won't force me to do anything I'm not comfortable with and he's a really nice guy so I'm pretty sure he won't but his last girlfriend had sex with him after 3 months. Do you have any advice for me?

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