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Rescripting Sex

Life has scripts. Little socially-agreed plays that we enact rather than trying to figure out all our interactions from scratch every time. Many of them are very simple. There's also scripts for sex. Unfortunately, the most common script out there is terrible.

How to See Coercion Clearly Through Love Glasses

helovesme31 asks:

I have a boyfriend been dating for about a year next week. We are deeply and truly in love even though we're not even 16. People say you can't really be in love at our age, but I believe you can be. Recently, I said no to sex, so I guess I pushed all the wrong buttons and this is what he said:

"I'm so [f-word]ing tired, I don't want to climb a ladder. I just want you but I can't [f-word] you and I have no weed any more, and [f-word] why do we need to [f-word]ing wait? I feel like I'm 12. I'm a [f-word]ing caged lion. I mean, I'm just angry, you know I haven't had sex in a [f-word]ing year and I'm so horny! [F-word]!"

Abused Women

No matter what you call it, it hurts. You want to do something about it, but what can you do that won't make your life even worse?

Why do I still feel so guilty?

Erin asks:

I was dating a guy and the whole time I was dating him, he kept wanting to have sex with me. And I told him I wanted to wait for marriage. He said he'd wait for me and never ask me about it again. Well......that didn't happen. Every time we were together he kept asking if I wanted to move to the next level and I said no. Well, he kept doing this for two years, and we broke up a couple times over it. He'd always just apologize and say he wouldn't ask again. But then one day we went fishing together and he brought a blanket (which I thought was sweet....) and a condom. And he asked again.

Don't Be a Bystander: Abuse in the Public Eye

A lot of times we think about abuse, whether it's physical or emotional, as something that goes on behind closed doors, and it's hard to change that frame of mind when, in reality, nobody sees the vast majority of abuse that occurs. Like many of the ST Staff, I've seen my share of abuse as the victim, not the witness. So it seems somewhat surprising that I was so shocked to see it, in full daylight, on a busy downtown street this past weekend.

As the student of a "suitcase" college with a non-existent nightlife, I very rarely get a chance to go out with friends in the evenings, just because there just ISN'T anywhere to go. However, I decided to go up to a nearby city (the only city in Vermont, really) about an hour away for the weekend. As far as cities go where I live, Burlington is about as big as it gets. The Marketplace is pretty amazing, and it's right on the Waterfront of Lake Champlain. There's plenty of cafes and restaurants, shopping, street performers, etc. You can spend all

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What he's doing isn't working for me, but how do I tell him that?

keepintime asks:

My Boyfriend and I are new to doing anything sexual. We are both virgins and have never had intercourse, just oral. How do I tell him what he is doing does nothing for me and doesn't please me without hurting his feelings, and what should I say to him?

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