I'm 21 and I have recently started going out with by first proper adult boyfriend - though I'd had sex a few times before, it had never been in a relationship that lasted very long or got very serious. I have really enjoyed getting close to my boyfriend and have looked forward to having a developed sexual relationship. However, as we began to have sex more often, it wasn't slow and careful like it was in the beginning and he started have sex with me in a way that I would consider 'fucking' rather than 'making love'. It's 'fast and hard', as they say. I know that makes me sound very passive, as if I don't contribute to how things happen - which I do if I choose to - but he seems to like it like that and I don't want to completely dominate how we have sex by saying that it must always be slow and gentle. He also has said that he finds it difficult to stay hard if he goes slowly.

For me, there seems to be a contradiction between how affectionate and caring he is with me usually (which he always is) and the way that he has sex with me. He enjoys and takes time over making me orgasm and is very loving. I asked him whether he saw that contradiction between that and the fucking and he said only that as long as it's in a loving relationship, couples can be rough with each other during sex and that it was normal.

I'm 20 years old, and the other day, I went to the gynecologist to have my first pelvic exam. Upon learning that I was a virgin, my gyn told me that she would be unable to perform an internal exam on me. Needless to say, I was kind of shocked, but later, I called a friend, and she told me that she had had the same experience. In her case, the nurse practitioner told her that performing an internal exam would be like her "paying to take away her virginity."

Now I'm not American, and in my culture, there is still a strong association between the hymen and virginity. What I wanted to know was if American gynecologists would balk at the idea of performing an internal examination on a virgin. Also, isn't it important to get a Pap smear done even if you aren't sexually active and probably haven't contracted HPV?