The pre-pubescent world of girlhood was one filled with a romanticization of my impending period. I thought that having a period would make me a woman. I was being prepared for my future as a mother! How exciting. But at the same time I also knew that it was my god-given duty to hide this change. I should change and I should celebrate it, but I couldn't make anyone uncomfortable.
At twenty years old, I have by no means conquered all of my personal anxieties or insecurities about sex and sexuality. But after spending years trying to deny it, I can say that I have finally come to terms with the fact that I am a sexual being.
For most of my life, I have conceptualized my sexuality as separate from the rest of my body, intellect, and soul. This schism between my sexuality and the idea I had of my ‘Self’ cut me deeply during some of what could have been the best years of my life.