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Driver's Ed for the Sexual Superhighway: Navigating Consent

Most of us understand being in transit means there's a possibility of getting hurt, hurting others, having a good time turn into a bad one or just not getting to where we intended, and to try and prevent those outcomes, we need to follow basic rules of the road like being attentive to and actively giving clear signs and signals. Just like it's important on the road, it's important between the sheets.

Recovering from Sexual Shame

123throwme asks:

When I was younger, I was caught "experimenting" with oral sex by my parents. They reprimanded me severely. Ever since then I've had a hard time coming to terms with my sexuality. It took me a long time to get over my feelings of how "sex is bad," but now I'm in a healthy, sexually active relationship. My problem is that, although I want to be intimate with my boyfriend, there's a part of me that still feels the shame of my younger self. It's led to me being uncomfortable with myself, and especially uncomfortable with oral sex (giving, but mostly just receiving). My sex life is fine, but I can tell that my partner doesn't really understand where I'm coming from. I haven't told him any of this, and I'd rather not. What can I do to get over this feeling?

I like fantasizing about it: would I like it for real?

Prozac4490 asks:

I like to fantasize about being spanked when I masturbate, and I'm wondering if I would like it in real life sex play, too. Trouble is, I'm a little nervous about the idea of actually trying it out, and I'm too embarrassed to ask my boyfriend if he'd be cool with that! What should I do?

He Doesn't Want to Have Sex Anymore: How Can I Change His Mind?

cupcakewars77 asks:

My boyfriend for about two years now told me he doesn't feel like having sex. I told him I still do. He says all we ever do is have sex. That's not true. It's frustrating but I want sex and he doesn't. He is going to college this year and I won't see him as much because he will be so far way. Whenever we are to "fool around" he gets all serous and say I don't feel like having sex or no it doesn't feel right even though I am on the pill and we always use perfection. Always. Am I doing something wrong? Is there a way to even get him to have sex with me? I am confused and stressed out. It's been months and I feel like he is pulling away. Help!

How do I keep him from going in the wrong hole?

totallyconfused19 asks:

I am 23, so this will probably sound silly and foolish but I don't have anyone else to ask these things so here goes: First off, how do you know it's in the right hole? My boyfriend and I were getting involved last night for the first time, and at first it hurt horribly like I was being ripped apart.

He re-adjusted and it still hurt a little but nothing like before, it was mostly just a lot of pressure. Was he in the wrong hole before? How do I keep that from happening? Also his penis is BIG and my vagina is not. How far in should he go? Can he cause damage by going too far? Thanks for the advice.

Dealing With Doctors: Taking Control of Your Health Care Destiny

Taking charge of our own healthcare can be a daunting task, especially if you don't know how to navigate healthcare systems or work with providers. We're demystifying some of that for you, providing a toolbox to help you make sound decisions and get the best care possible.

It's My Birthday: What I Want Is For You To Tell the Truth

Today is my birthday.

If you've been a reader here for more than a year or two, you might have noticed that some years, I ask for something for my birthday here, and not usually something that's a thing, like a pony, a fire hoop, a scooter with a sidecar for my little dog, or a life-sized Fozzie Bear I could tell bad jokes to while going wokka-wokka (though I'd oh-so-gladly accept all of those things, for the record).

If and when I have a birthday where I blow out candles, the wish I make when I do is usually something around positive social change, and often positive social change in regard to sexuality. In a word, what I usually really, really want for my birthday is for people to have happier, healthier sexual lives, to feel better about sex and whatever their sexualities are, and to be more accepting and supportive of the diverse sexualities of all people.

One of the very biggest problems we have in most of our cultures and communities around sex and sexuality is silence, secrecy

Read more...

I want to give my boyfriend oral sex, but he's embarrassed and won't let me. What should I do?

Emma1913 asks:

I'm 13 and so is my boyfriend. I know we shouldn't be doing this kind of stuff at this age but just a couple weeks ago we started getting a little more "touchy" and one thing led to another and he started "eating me out".

Well I want to give him a blowjob but he's scared that I won't like "it" because he thinks it's small and he's embarrassed. What should I do? Also, is it normal to start having sexual intercourse at 16 or 17?

When Sex "Just Happened" (And How to Make It Happen Instead)

Has sex felt like it's "just happening" to you, rather than something where you're an active participant? Here's how to change that.

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.