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Joanna Connors has written an incredible article about her 1984 rape and its aftermath. While some parts of her story are triggering, it is well worth reading.
(Heads-up: parts of this post are fairly explicit when it comes to detailing rape and abuse.)
One of the more interesting (and by interesting, I mean ridiculously ignorant) responses I have seen in a few places discussing the I Was Raped project and my input was my statement on the news that the first time I was assaulted -- at the age of 11 -- I did not know what had happened to me and was without any language to even express it.
It's common for teens to have a mentality of "that won't happen to me". Well, what if it does? How does one cope when their trust and belief system is shattered by sexual assault?
When flying on a plane back to New York I ended up sitting next to a man who had the wrong idea about me. He started out by complimenting me but the moment I lay down to sleep he started kissing me and feeling my breasts and ass sexually without my consent. This happened the day after I turned 18 and he made two very obvious attempts to engage me in something I wasn't into and didn't want. When I returned to my seat after a while the guy noticed that I was pissed and began talking to me about his reasons, one of which was that he asked for consent and that I gave it to him. I don't remember his asking or my consent partly because I was in a state of half asleep and listening to my ipod on maximum volume. The two of us had four seats to ourselves which I used to push him away from me after the fact, however throughout the rest of the flight and the last few days I have had a nagging feeling in the back of my head that I somehow told him it was okay even though it felt completely wrong and one sided.
Is it okay for a man to finger you?
We are both virgins but he wants to wait until marriage. I can't wait. I get too horny and I'm tired of having to rely on myself to take care of my sexual needs. He's just afraid of sex. He won't even say the word and he's 22. I tried talking to him but it doesn't work.
Usually the guy wants to have sex and the girl wants to wait but it's the opposite way around for us. What should I do. Should I just be demanding and go for what I want because I think that 's what I'm going to end up doing. Help please!
24-hour hotlines staffed by trained crisis counselors.
If you have NOT gladly and freely consented to and participated in sexual activity -- if you have not in some way said a big yes and wanted to keep saying a big yes -- and someone else had sex with you anyway, that is rape.
No matter what ANYONE tells you, it is not your fault. There certainly is fault, but it lies with the rapist, not the victim.
Saying no to sex when you want to is a given. But what if you CAN'T say no? What if, the next day, you don't even remember being asked, or how you got to where you are, or who you were with? Worse still, what if you DON'T wake up at all? Find out about date rape drugs and what you can do to protect yourself and your friends.
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