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Silent, like the mind never could be

How do you feel about and process a date rape and unpleasant sex after it happens? How do you deal with collective ideas about "grey" rape and the value of virginity when it's actual, not just abstract concepts? How will you talk to a new partner about those experiences? A corageous Scarleteen reader tries to work out very raw and painfully honest feelings on the page.

I'm a guy, so how come I don't enjoy intercourse?

John asks:

My girlfriend and I care about each other very much. recently we had decided to become sexually active. She has had previous partners though she was my first. She says that I satisfy her, though I have honestly told her she does not satisfy me. I told her it doesnt matter but she is very upset and I am myself bewildered. How can I not enjoy intercourse? Especially considering its a new and exciting experience?

We just can't seem to play it safe.

Joe asks:

I found this website and I thought it was pretty open in its answers. I have been searching a lot for answers to my questions and most seem biased to individual opinions or not very clear at all. I am posting here because I feel I can find an objective and intelligent answer after reading a few Q's a A's.

First of all I am a 24 year old male. I have a gorgeous girlfriend I love dearly and is obviously the reason I need questions answered. We have been sexually active for a year but we have had a lot of issues involving safe sex. We have a lot of chemistry between us and we find it very hard to resist our sexuality. That doesn't mean we don't use protection, we use condoms a lot but not completely and thats where stress sets in. Most of the time we have around 1 to 2 minutes of unprotected sex before putting on a condom. I don't let myself get near to ejaculation we just enjoy it a bit then put a condom to finish the job. I have read a lot about this and have knowledge of pre-ejaculation fluid possibly containing sperm if ejaculation has occurred beforehand. I always take a shower, pee and make sure we haven't had sex up to one day before we do anything. We also never have sex again after I have ejaculated. Also, I avoid doing this or anything at all when she's ovulating. So if the claims are true, following this means these short 1 to 2 minutes of unprotected sex before the condom are relatively safe, or so I believe since we have been doing it for a year now. I know that doesn't mean it works maybe we have been lucky. That's where I need an answer. Is what we are doing OK?

We plan on eventually marrying and having a family but we are not ready yet. She hasn't graduated yet from college. I am about to graduate but currently I am unemployed. This has produced so much stress on me to the point that I have started to lose hair. Every single month when she's about the have her period I get worried thinking if it will arrive. Maybe I am getting overly worried but having a family at the right time means a lot to me and to her as well. Not to mention her parents have a good image of me. I wouldn't want to disappoint them. I also don't want to have her go through and unwanted pregnancy before she achieves everything she wants to do. We have a lot of plans and don't want to let them go to waste.

We have been thinking on getting the pill just so we can relax a bit. Recently she visited her gynecologist but she was denied the pill. She is now looking for another gyno and I am still losing my hair. We only want to do things right but we find it to be very hard. We have tried but the circumstances always promote the behavior. We have even promised to help each other but to no avail. If you have any suggestions that would help us it would be greatly appreciated.

It's a Vagina, Not a Crystal Ball

Anonymous asks:

My girlfriend came home from a party. I wasn't with her. When she got home we went to bed. Neither of us have intercourse because of our beliefs. We do "fool around." She wanted me to stimulate her as usual which involves inserting my finger in her vagina. Normally, it's relatively for lack of a better term tight. This time her opening was wide open. Open to the point the I could have inserted 2 or 3 fingers. This was not a normal thing for her in the time we've been together. Is it possible that the opening was like that because of penetration of something else, say a penis? I never said anything to her about it but I'm concerned.

And Butterflyeye asks...
Can a guy tell how many sex partners that you've had judging by the tightness or lack thereof in your vagina?

It's harder for him to orgasm with condoms, so what do I do?

anonymous asks:

I just had sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. He is used to having sex without a condom and now that he is using one he says its harder to have an orgasm because its different. I dont want to feel like I'm not satisfying him. What should I do?

We waited for marriage... but it wasn't worth the wait.

Anonymous asks:

I am 28 years old and got married four months ago. Both my husband (29 years old) and I were not virgins before marriage and had both been with two other people before we started dating each other. We made the mutual decision to abstain from intercourse until marriage for religious reasons and to be "right with God" this go around. We dated for two years by the date of our wedding. During that time we would engage in foreplay, oral sex and we enjoyed that. I always wanted to fool around more than him and I made that known while we were dating, but he would always say that it was too difficult to get that worked up and have to stop. I had to agree, so I learned to become patient.

As the relationship went on and we got engaged a year and a half in, during our six month engagement we started having less and less foreplay. As our wedding day approached I became increasingly more excited about FINALLY being able to have guilt free, passionate, fun sex. I would say things like, "I can't wait!" and "how often do you think we'll have sex?" and "We will be able to have sex anywhere in the house and anytime we want" etc. I intentionally said this to express how excited I was about having sex finally. He would respond that he was looking forward to it too but that he didn't know how often we would because he couldn't make statements about part of our relationship that didn't exist yet. He would even get uncomfortable when I would talk about orgasms, something that I've only had real success with achieving with the aid of a vibrator. So the wedding night came and there was no passion, no romance, no "making love" just sex. I thought as least he would take me out of my beautiful dress, NO he just stripped and hoped into the shower, then wanted to have sex in the shower for the first time, Not my vision of my wedding night I'd waited for for two years. The honeymoon was the same. When we do have sex it lasts about 5 min. We've never had spontaneous sex or morning sex or after a fight sex.

He says now he's just not that sexual of a person and I feel betrayed and let down that he didn't express this before we promised to spend the rest of our lives together. He has trouble getting and sometimes keeping an erection and I become frustrated when he turns me down for sex. I've heard of girls not being interested in sex, but never a guy. He just is not into spontaneous, passionate, fun, sex. I'm not even sure he knows the difference. I have had great sex in the past, the kind I can't wait for, but with my husband, it's not exciting and he doesn't even get turned on my sexy lingerie. He is not interested in going to the doctor to take something for his occasional impotence. At best we have sex once a week. I was expecting that "newlywed sex" like rabbits that everyone seems to talk about, is that just a myth? Please help!

How did that get out?

kate asks:

I'm 19 years old and have been having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend of a year plus for quite some time now. We've both had great unforgettable experiences our share of orgasms and what not. The experience we had last night I wish we could both forget. We were having intercourse while I was on top of him and I reached the climax and orgasmed. Right after we both smelled something and realized I had pooped. It wasn't a drastic amount but still. It's the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. He was a good sport and cleaned me and laughed about it. He held me close even after my hour long of crying. (He couldn't stop laughing even after that.) I just wanted to know why this would ever happen? I didn't need to go restroom or anything. It just happened and I didn't even notice it. Is this okay? Should I get myself checked? This sounds pretty unusual and I'm worried and embarrassed. I want an explanation. If there even is one. Thank you for your help!

If I'm short, is my vagina short, too?

Anonymous asks:

I am 16 and about 4 foot 11 inches. I am relatively short and scared that my boyfriend's penis won't enter completely because of the length of my vagina. Does my height affect my vagina's length?

Shaving woes

Ashley asks:

Well I've been thinking about having sex with my bf, but like I shave and get red bumps. I've tried baby powder and even going slower, do you have any other things I could do to stop the bumps? My hair also grows back super fast, and most other girls dont have to worry about that. It really frutrates me. Please help!!!

Problems with penetration

banjo asks:

I am 18 and so is my girlfriend. We haven't had sex, but everything else leading up to it. The reason why we can't do it puzzles me. She is too tight, my two fingers hardly go in there let alone my penis. Help. How/what can I do?

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