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self-esteem

I'm not ready...but am I just overthinking it?

Barbara asks:

I have been so grateful for this site, it has been wonderful in making me more comfortable about my relationship. Basically, it comes down to the fact that my boyfriend and I are at the point where sex would seem like the next natural step, but every time we get close, we end up having a discussion instead. We have been together for a year now, are 21 and are both virgins, and while he is completely ready, I am not sure I am. We have engaged in all other sexual activities, manual, oral, etc, but I cannot seem to wrap my head around the idea of having actual intercourse.I have told him why - nervous, scared that the relationship will change, that it will become all about the physical, etc. And while he says he wants me to be comfortable, I think that he is really getting frustrated. I feel like even though we are not having sex yet, everything is now about that. And the last time we were together, it was all about him...physically I mean. And he is never like that. I just don't know if I am making too big a deal out of the whole sex thing. I mean we have talked the issue to death already, and I want to know what sex with him would be like....is there anything I can do to take the pressure off of myself and to therefore, take the pressure off our relationship?

I come way too soon and I just can't deal!

Chris asks:

This question is about Premature Ejaculation, nowhere on the internet will give me any free advice or help so I really appreciate some real advice on thus one. I'm 20 years old and I have a girlfriend.

We been having sex a lot, when I get to see her, (she lives in another city in the time being but when I do see her), the tension is high in our sexual urges and have a lot of it. I have a very confused penis as it would last normally (let's say 10 minutes) but then more often it goes out of control and I ejaculate to soon.

She is very supportive and tries to go slow or is patient when I have to stop every 5 seconds. But come on, this isn't sex. I'm fighting a battle every time. I try to relax and use different condoms for sensitivity but I still get the same end result PE! I do know I have a high sex drive ( I love the idea of sex a lot) she is hot and the fact she wants it all the time is hot too but I find sometimes it makes me a bit nervous because of my problem.

I know in my past I do get stressed, sometimes I don't sleep regularly, or get the proper exercise as needed, and I got a lot on my mind but I know others like that and they don't have PE or at least tell me that. When I was with her I wasn't stressed or anything and I still get it. Can you please help me.

My friends are prettier than me, and it's making me miserable.

La Mama asks:

Growing up, me and my friends always dressed the same and acted the same, but as we started getting older, we all developed into beautiful, young independent women. Since then, I have always felt that my friends were prettier than me and got all the attention. Looks-wise, they totally are gorgeous. But it had really taken a toll on my social life, and I don't even leave the house anymore, cause I'm afraid if I go out with them then I'll just be sad again. I'm also afraid that if I ever had a boyfriend that he would develop a crush on my friends because they are so much prettier than me. What should I do?

I'm late to the game: have I had an orgasm yet?

Anonymous asks:

I am in my late twenties and have never had an orgasm.I have only become sexually acquainted with my body in the last couple of years and can now get myself to the brink which is really intensely pleasurable but I get no sense of release I would expect to associate with an orgasm. Am I just expecting too much? Am I having orgasms but they are just not what I expect? It has the potential to impact my current relationship as he gets frustrated he can't make me come. Have I orgasmed?

Vagzilla! (Or, All Genitals Great and Small)

If we're going to think of our genitals as big, any one of us, given the small range between them, we should think everyone's genitals are big. We also need to accept that it's ignorant or misinformed to think, presume or suggest that penises are big but vaginas are small, because we really are all about the same size. If thinking big is better for one sex, it's also got to be better for the other. So, if you or someone else is going to go on about some big penis, you'd best get just as excited about the idea of a big vagina, and make having a big ol'Vagowski just as cool. And if you're all hung up on the idea that the vagina be as small as it can possibly be, or is such a small thing, then you've got to accept that penises are small, too.

I think I'm addicted to taking pregnancy risks!

Anonymous asks:

I have a problem: I think I'm addicted to stress, or at least the relief when stress has passed. I'm a very overly paranoid person and yet I keep acting carelessly and doing risky things.

I don't want to get pregnant, I'm not on pills, and yet I'm always doing something sexual with my boyfriend.
- Sometimes I'll sit on his penis naked...him not in me, but me on his shaft.
- I've swallowed, kissed him and had him preform oral
- We have sex quite regularly although we always use new condoms and I check for tears right away
- Today I've probably done the stupidest thing of all....I've let him put his penis inside me unprotected (he urinated before hand to rid himself of any cum, it was for only a few seconds and he didn't move it much, and I put Purell inside myself after)

I know it was stupid! I dont know why I always do this to myself.I make myself sick with worry each and every time and yet I cannot control myself. I dont think I'm addicted to sex or anything, but I do think I'm hooked on stress. Have you ever heard such a stupid thing? I always do things that stress me out. I leave huge projects to the last minute, I've purposely made myself late for things. I don't much care about the everyday things but the sexual stress is whats concerning me. I literally say to myself "no more sex till I get on pills" and yet the next time I'm with my boyfriend, I practically force myself on him. WHATS WRONG WITH ME?!!?!

I dunno exactly what I'm asking but any advice would be appreciated...oh and whats the likelyhood of getting pregnant from what I described? I'd go and get plan b but unfortunately I don't think I have access to it.

I hate my body, so I don't want my boyfriend to see it.

Olivia asks:

To start off, I'm really self-conscious. I'm slightly heavyset, and practically hate myself for it. I know it's nothing really major, but nevertheless. I don't like my body.

My boyfriend is very athletic and is on one sport team or another all year round. He has a fantastic body and is really tan- me, on the other hand: un-muscular, pale (and pink, in some places), hairy (I have a trail of hair from my pubic area to my mid-stomach) and "flabby".

I don't feel comfortable taking off my clothes in front of him, much less having sex with him. Is there a way I can "train" myself to take my clothes off in front of him and not feel totally inferior?

My Body & Me

I used to have a mild eating disorder. I saw myself as fat and ugly, despite being told by other people than my parents that I wasn't.

What if a guy thinks my labia are gross?

Lucy asks:

I've been worried recently due to my labia being different sizes and one being rather stretchy. They have also gone darker in colour. Is this normal, different, a medical problem? I have been searching on the internet for some help on whether this is normal or not. Most articles say size difference is normal but this doesn't make the situation any easier for me. Oral sex seems a worrying thought, what if the guy is like "What the hell is up with this... gross... it doesn't look normal to me!" Even when it happens I'm going to worry he's thinking it. There's no way to tell if mine looks normal or not, I can't exactly ask my friends...embarrassing or what!? Anyway, I would be forever grateful for a bit of a suggestion.

Activism 101

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