self-esteem

My friends say I have to have anal sex to prove I'm not a virgin to them.

Katie asks:

My friends are telling me I am still a virgin in their eyes because I have not had anal sex. The idea is scary to me. I do not think I want to do anal sex. They call me a chicken because I have not tried it. Is there any advice you can give me to maybe change my mind and get me through it?

Do I need to prove my love to him by giving him money?

Jasmine asks:

So basically I have this boyfriend who is 2 years older than me. The sex is great and everything is fine. He really is one of the sweetest guys I have ever known. We have been together for months. I went out with his best friend first (who I lost my virginity to). He is perfectly fine with that as it was 2 years ago. Just one minor flaw. I was also under a lot of pressure at the time I lost my virginity and so when he asked me for large amounts of money, I gave in, believing that he loved me. It would not be an understatement to say that he ruined my life. He told EVERYONE at school what happened between us. However, he only told his friend (my boyfriend) about the money.

I am deeply in love with my boyfriend, and everybody is happy for me. When I say he is the most generous, kind guy I really mean it, and my caring friends also agree. But now he has asked me to give him money. Now I appreciate the fact that I am more well-off than him and his friend...but still. He said that if I love him I would give it.

Respect!

"So why do I harp all day about respect, and write books and blogs about it? Because I want every girl to reach her potential. I want every girl to value herself more than all the bling in the world. I want every girl to be safe and to heal from the bad-dark stuff that happens. I want every girl to discover what one of my teacher's calls your "soul wisdom." In other words, I want you to know the real you and to be all in love with you. I want you to know how to stand by and for you. Then you can spread your yummy amazingness to the world. The world *needs* you to make it. It needs you to blow the lid off this mutha (in your own way, of course)! And it starts with respect on the inside." - Courtney Macavinta, co-author

The ABCs of Size Bias

Body image ideals, like race and gender, are social constructs that have grown out of a combination of history, politics, class, and moral values. One need look back only a few generations, or across cultures, to see that attitudes about thinness and fatness are fluid and ever changing.

Can a guy be just as attracted to a fat girl as a "hot" girl?

Ash asks:

I am 21 and very pretty, but also very overweight. Close to 200lbs. I don't look TOO bad as my weight is well proportioned, very large hips, bottom and bust, but smaller waist and relatively slim face. Recently a guy has expressed a serious romantic interest in me. I know that he is usually attracted to much smaller girls and I find it very difficult to believe that he could really be attracted to me. Is it possible, for a guy who could very easily get a very "hot" girl, to be attracted to a pretty girl who is very fat?

Neither of us are reaching orgasm, but I need him to.

Frustrated asks:

I'm 17 and I have a boyfriend of 7 months, and we're both very much in love. We had sex 4 months ago and he didn't reach orgasm and I got the sense he was frustrated so we stopped trying until last weekend. We both really wanted it but the same situation happened where he didn't reach orgasm and I feel like it's my fault and that I'm just not hot enough for him. I never reach orgasm during sex but I always enjoy it and I want to have sex but the problem is I don't want to do it if he's not enjoying himself or feels frustrated and I also don't want to come off as though I want sex all the time because I'm his first girlfriend and he hadn't done anything sexual before me - not even kiss - whereas I was not a virgin upon entering the relationship, so I don't want to come off as if I'm a rushing things all the time. After all this, my question is: What can I do to make my boyfriend enjoy sex enough to orgasm? He has never finished during sex and I get the feeling he's frustrated with it and would rather I suck him off but I always want sex when we're fooling around and I love him so much I want us both to be able to pleasure each other at the same time.

My friends are prettier than me, and it's making me miserable.

La Mama asks:

Growing up, me and my friends always dressed the same and acted the same, but as we started getting older, we all developed into beautiful, young independent women. Since then, I have always felt that my friends were prettier than me and got all the attention. Looks-wise, they totally are gorgeous. But it had really taken a toll on my social life, and I don't even leave the house anymore, cause I'm afraid if I go out with them then I'll just be sad again. I'm also afraid that if I ever had a boyfriend that he would develop a crush on my friends because they are so much prettier than me. What should I do?

I think I'm addicted to taking pregnancy risks!

Addicted asks:

I have a problem: I think I'm addicted to stress, or at least the relief when stress has passed. I'm a very overly paranoid person and yet I keep acting carelessly and doing risky things.

I dont want to get pregnant, I'm not on pills, and yet I'm always doing something sexual with my boyfriend.
- Sometimes I'll sit on his penis naked...him not in me, but me on his shaft.
- I've swallowed, kissed him and had him preform oral
- We have sex quite regularily although we always use new condoms and I check for tears right away
- Today I've probably done the stupidest thing of all....I've let him put his penis inside me unprotected (he urinated before hand to rid himself of any cum, it was for only a few seconds and he didnt move it much, and I put Purell inside myself after)

I know it was stupid! I dont know why I always do this to myself.I make myself sick with worry each and every time and yet I cannot control myself. I dont think I'm addicted to sex or anything, but I do think I'm hooked on stress. Have you ever heard such a stupid thing? I always do things that stress me out. I leave huge projects to the last minute, I've purposely made myself late for things. I don't much care about the everyday things but the sexual stress is whats concerning me. I literally say to myself "no more sex till I get on pills" and yet the next time I'm with my boyfriend, I practically force myself on him. WHATS WRONG WITH ME?!!?!

I dunno exactly what I'm asking but any advice would be appreciated...oh and whats the likelyhood of getting pregnant from what I described? I'd go and get plan b but unfortunately I don't think I have access to it.

I hate my body, so I don't want my boyfriend to see it.

Olivia asks:

To start off, I'm really self-conscious. I'm slightly heavyset, and practically hate myself for it. I know it's nothing really major, but nevertheless. I don't like my body.

My boyfriend is very athletic and is on one sport team or another all year round. He has a fantastic body and is really tan- me, on the other hand: un-muscular, pale (and pink, in some places), hairy (I have a trail of hair from my pubic area to my mid-stomach) and "flabby".

I don't feel comfortable taking off my clothes in front of him, much less having sex with him. Is there a way I can "train" myself to take my clothes off in front of him and not feel totally inferior?

My Body & Me

I used to have a mild eating disorder. I saw myself as fat and ugly, despite being told by other people than my parents that I wasn't.

Seven Ways to Love Your Body

This is not another diet guide. It will not show you how to lose ten pounds by Thanksgiving. It will not introduce you to a new set of "miracle ab crunches" or rave about the latest liposuction advances. And there will be no butt pads, silicone, or fat-free recipes to share.

Life Lessons from the Third Stall on the Left

Everything I needed to know about body image I learned in a bathroom in the seventh grade. Well, almost everything.