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relationships

I've had to lie to get him to stop pressuring me for sex.

anaxelisz asks:

I lied to my boyfriend and told him I was raped. I know rape is nothing to joke about at all. My mother was raped as a child. But it is the first thing that came to mind! He's always trying to get me to have sex with him, and I'm just not ready. He's not the kind of guy you can just sit down with and explain that too..that's just not him and hes a virgin..but he does get "head" sometimes. (Not while I've been with him of course..] But anyway I told him I was raped and that I'm not ready to have sex after that happened to me and that it scares me because it will remind me of what happened. Well, that lie got old and now he's starting to ask me again and again. What do I tell him ? I'm stressing over this and hes not the kind of guy I can just say "I'm not ready to do this..or that" to. Please help. I'm young, only 14 and hes 15 but..what to do ?!

Measurements

The last few weeks I've been contemplating if my labia are bigger than my ears.

My partner became aware that this was on my mind because every few days she'd hear me murmur, "You know, I think my labia are bigger than my ears!"

From the look on her face I could tell she was trying to picture what my labia looked like, and then she'd peer at my ears. "Surely not. Of course they're fabulous, but I don't think they're that big."

"But I mean, fully stretched out, not just dangling."
Then she'd say, "Yeah, they could be. Should we measure?"

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Spotlight on Scarleteen: Two new articles!

If you’re a regular at the main site, you may have already seen these two new articles: An Immodest Proposal by Heather Corinna and Let's Get Metaphysical: The Etiquette of Entry by CJ Turett and Heather Corinna. But if you haven’t gotten a chance to check them out yet, there’s a brief introduction to both.

Once upon a time, revisited and revamped.

Heather Corinna’s article, An Immodest Proposal by Heather Corinna, excerpted from the 2008 anthology, Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape, is a modern-day fractured fairy tale about first-time sex-- revisited and revamped!

If Heather were to moonlight as a song lyricist, instead of saying a half-hearted “Oops!”, pop princess Britney Spears would be singing, “Yea, I did it again… and can’t wait to do it again and again!” In her Proposal, Heather conjures up an ideal sexual world that is not just free of rape and violence against women, but one where women and girls are free to express desire and initiate

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How do I learn to trust him?

anofficialknight asks:

If you have been raped by more than one person but as a result you never stay with a male in fear of becoming close to them and then you find a guy that you really like and you want to trust him but you just can't ... what should I do to make us a trusting couple?

Should I have his baby to make him stay?

coffee_cakes asks:

Okay so I'm 16 and have been dating my boyfriend for two months now, but we have known each other and liked each other since like age 5. But recently I found out that he had gotten his ex pregnant while they were dating and they got an abortion, that was nearly 7 months ago. She's been contacting him and wont leave him alone. She's trying to get him back. He says he loves me and I love him, he's so important to my life happiness, health and just everything, I love him dearly. I'd been thinking about having his baby and now this makes me want to even more....

I'm so confused, should I be threatened by the ex? Should I have his baby? We both have jobs and he has a place for us to stay, I practically live with him as it is, he's already got his diploma. Please help.

An Immodest Proposal

Just last Tuesday, right down the street from you, or perhaps even right where you live, two teenagers had sex for the very first time, and it was exactly as we all wish those first experiences to be. Or was it?

I feel like a hypocrite but I don't want my younger sister to have sex

Shell0523 asks:

Hey, so I'm a nineteen-year-old male who has been sexually active for the past three years. I've been with a few girls (I was only in a "real" relationship with one) since I lost my virginity at sixteen. The thing is that I have a sister who's fifteen and I just found out that she and her seventeen-year-old boyfriend have started having sex. I don't want her to be doing anything like that-at least not until she is living on her own. Am I being a hypocrite, considering I was about her age when I started having sex?

He can't make up his mind about having sex: doesn't he love me?

ForeverAndAlways asks:

I'm in love with my boyfriend. He's my best friend in the whole world, and I'm his. He's in love with me and it's the first time either of us has ever been in love. It's the most wonderful, yet scariest feeling ever. He's the sweetest guy, and he would never disrespect me and I want to make him happy. We've been talking about having sex, but he keeps changing his mind. First it's let's wait until we're married, then it's Let's not, but not yet. Then it's I'm scared, then it's I respect you too much. He confuses me. It makes me feel like he doesn't love me enough, or want me the way I want him and it's hard for me to deal with. I'm not sure what I should say or do to let him know how I feel...and I'm not sure why he keeps changing his mind. I don't know what he wants and he doesn't tell me voluntarily. I have to guess, which is obviously difficult. We never fight, but lately this has been causing an argument almost every night, and I don't like it. Can you help me?

Your vagina is NOT a crystal ball. OR: What your doctor really can't tell just by looking.

Anonymous asks:

MMkay, so I'm 21, being doing all the right things with yearly exams, getting the tests I need, etc. I just read an article about how the vagina does not substantially change after intercourse, but the first time I had a pelvic exam my doctor said "you're lucky you're getting this done here, a lot of college clinics don't have virgin equipment." What? If there's no substantial change (which I am FAR more inclined to believe) then this makes absolutely no sense. I would ask what she meant, but her practice has moved and I see a different doctor now.

UNRELATED question that I always wanted to ask her but was too afraid to- I was sexually abused when I was little, and raped when I was 16. That for me also confuses the whole issue of what she said- first of all, I wasn't a virgin, and secondly, (my real question) how was it possible she thought I was a virgin, as my guess would be there would also be some kind of signs of past trauma?

As a note, I'm in counseling and doing pretty well but I'm scared to ask because of the oh-man-if-my-doctor-was-right-then-maybe-I'm-overreacting/wrong problem... I'm usually pretty good at trusting myself on this issue, but this is one place I'm always afraid to go because it would be so concrete. (I also just moved for grad school and am seeing someone new and feel comfortable, but I will make a point to ask her too.)

Why I Deeply Dislike Your Older Boyfriend

There doesn't seem to be a week that passes at Scarleteen where we're not helping a user who is in some kind of crisis -- and often a whopper -- with an older male partner: pressured sex or a sexual abuse, a pregnancy scare (usually due to the guy having any and every reason why other guys can use condoms, but he's the great exception to every rule), a newly-acquired STI (again with the condom refusals, sometimes paired with lies about testing and sexual history), an abusive relationship (and often combined with a pregnancy scare, pregnancy or STI), isolation from friends or family (often beca

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