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Casual...Cool? Making Choices About Casual Sex

Casual sex: what is it? Why would you want to have it, and why wouldn't you? What can make it more likely to go right or so wrong? We've got your guide to all this and more right here.

The Scarleteen Safety Plan

If you're in an abusive relationship, to make abuse stop you've got to get away and stay away. Here's help to do that safely, and to be as safe as you can before leaving.

My boyfriend is too stressed out to have sex. What can I do?

aprasad asks:

I'm 21 and I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two and a half years now. We go to the same university and have practically been living together in the same on-campus apartment for one and a half years. As our relationship has progressed, we've begun to have less and less sex. Neither of us initiates because we're always tired or stressed out. He says I should expect to not have much sex during the school year by now, but I don't understand how he is just constantly too stressed to even think about wanting to have sex. I've tried talking to him about it and he doesn't have much to say about it. A sexual life is important to me but the fact that he doesn't have much to say about it is worrying me regarding whether he doesn't find me attractive anymore or his testosterone levels are just canceled out by stress. If so, I don't know how to help him. Or help us.

After Contraception or Commitment, Why You Still Gotta Rock Safer Sex

We sometimes deal with a tough situation in direct service: a user comes in, and reports having contracted an STI; a user who also isn't a first-time user of our site or services, and who, in a previous conversation with us about pregnancy risks, blew off also talking about STIs and safer sex and turned down help we offered to them to reduce their STI risks, not just pregnancy risks.

When this happens, a person like this will usually be very upset about having contracted an STI, often angry, and even mystified about how this happened to them. Of course, we're rarely mystified and also are not usually surprised this happened, since we already identified risks of STIs when we were talking with them in the past, which is why we brought the importance of safer sex up with them in the first place.

This is one of those things where there's no joy or pride in being right: it stinks to be right about someone getting any kind of illness and being unhappy. Even though the majority of STIs are t

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It feels like I have to pee during sex. Do I have a problem?

erubber asks:

I know this is a silly question, and I've read quite a few things... but I'm still not sure what exactly I was experiencing when I was having sex the other day.

In all honesty, it felt like I was about to pee myself. it happened quite a few times too. I think it might've been leading to an orgasm (which I've never had before) but it felt like I needed to pee so I had to stop doing whatever I was doing. Can someone tell me what it is? Do I have a problem?

Oral sex doesn't affect me. Is this normal?

Fairydomain asks:

When my boyfriend preforms oral sex on me and "eats me out" it's like it has no affect on me. Is this normal? I mean, he's down THERE... using his mouth... shouldn't that affect me? It's almost as if I just don't feel it either. Sometimes I exaggerate my motives a bit when he does just to make him feel a bit better. It's not that I don't WANT him to. And I don't want him to stop. I just... don't feel like it's anything. And it makes me feel bad.

He's Queer, I'm Straight, and It's Great Except...

elinor asks:

Help! I'm in a relationship with a man (I identify as a straight woman) who identifies as queer. He's mostly had sex with men in the past (there might have been 1 woman), but this is first heterosexual relationship. It's also my first relationship with a queer man. I really care for him, but I am struggling with checking my own heteronormative attitudes. For example, I don't know how to get over the fact that he enjoys watching gay porn, and mostly gets off to men. We still have great sex together and I know he is attracted to me, and I try to remind myself of this when I find myself getting bothered by what turns him on. I'm learning to love, not accept, that he is queer and that he has made me shift my thinking about relationships and sexuality so much. However, I still don't know how to get myself out of these moments, sometimes ongoing, of insecurity.

I have a strong hormonal cycle and it's affecting my relationship.

jessie09642 asks:

Thanks so much for such a useful and honest site, it's a big help figuring this stuff out. I am 19 and in my first serious relationship. I seem to have a strong hormonal cycle, my body changes a lot from week to week. I have tried my best to explain this to my boyfriend, but he doesn't understand how things that feel good to me one day might not feel like anything, or hurt me, the next. For instance, he likes to squeeze and massage my breasts - sometimes I love this, but sometimes (usually before my period is due) it hurts so much I have to ask him to stop. Also, I'm usually really wet, but for a week or so after my period sometimes I don't really get wet no matter how turned on I am. He thinks I'm confused about what I like, or that if I say something hurts or I don't get wet it means he's doing something wrong or I'm not actually turned on or enjoying myself even when I am. It frustrates him that he has to ask if something feels good every time we do stuff together. Is there anything I can get him to read that might explain why this happens better than I can or in a way that he'll understand? Also, some women in my family have had problems with combined birth control pills and my doctor says I shouldn't take them, but if I took the mini pill would this stop happening so much?

I want to change up my sexual routine with my partner. Where do I start?

Chantelle asks:

My boyfriend are "sexually active" but it's always short, boring, and quiet. If I make a sound he'll think that he's hurting me which makes me have to contain everything. I want to try more positions with him, we've done normal, and doggy, how can I make things more interesting with out making it awkward? And how can I make sex longer?

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