relationship

Are we growing apart?

moutushi asks:

My boyfriend and I have been intimate; we even live together. But lately I feel as if we are drifting apart. I do not know if it's because of his job (since he works full time to support himself and he's also paying for his degree) or it's me. Although he is away on a trip for work right now, he never even calls me to tell me he misses me. He calls for me to do the work he left behind here for him. He used to be one of my dearest friends before we started dating and now I don't know what has happened. He says that I nag to much. Do you think I should give him space? I do not want to be in a relationship where I am being taken for granted and I really do love him.

How can I make my first time special?

Sarah M. asks:

Having read several of your articles concerning "first time" sex, I understand that it may not (and probably won't be?) everything I'm expecting, and that you're "first time" isn't as big a deal as society makes it seem. But I would really like my first time to be special. Not necessarily perfect, but an event in my life I can look back on fondly. Is there anything I can do/should know that would make it more special?

By the way, I think this site and what you do here is awesome, and I am so so grateful that this resource is available. Keep it up!

What if he wants to have sex in 2 months?

lkjafkldffjaskj asks:

I have heard people talking about how they have had sex with their boyfriends after just 2 months and it scares me to think that my boyfriend will want it that soon because I'm scared to have sex, not just because of the risks but of what he'll think and all that stuff. We have only been going out for a week and I am not thinking of having sex with him or receiving/giving oral but I'm just thinking about 2 to 3 months from now will he want it? He has told me he won't force me to do anything I'm not comfortable with and he's a really nice guy so I'm pretty sure he won't but his last girlfriend had sex with him after 3 months. Do you have any advice for me?

Blinders Off: Getting a Good Look at Abuse and Assault

A basic lowdown on interpersonal abuse and assault: what all the terms mean, why strangers are the least of our worries, what a cycle of abuse looks like, how you can start seeing abuse for what it is, where it is, and how to protect yourself and others and make abuse stop.

He's my boyfriend, so how could it have been rape?

worried asks:

I was forced to have sex a few days ago and I'm worried I could have caught something. I have this itch that feels like it's on the walls of my vagina and I can't scratch it because, obviously, it's internal and I don't wanna make myself bleed. Does any infection have symptoms of an itch like that?

My boyfriend decided to take my virginity by force but can I call it rape? He is my boyfriend, but I didn't think I was ready for sex and he pushed it on me that night with a guilt trip. Please help.

Lots of sex, but why a dry spell now?

brian asks:

Me and my girlfriend of 1-year used to have sex 4 to 6 times a week. But now she says she does not get in the mood and we usually only have sex like once a month. I ask her why she just says not horny anymore.

My GF was fingered by her ex without her consent; Is she still a virgin?

vieapo asks:

Yeah, so I'm a guy and I actally need some info. Its probably pretty weird, but I really need some info on my gf. I am a religious person and very straight-edge; I abstain from pre-maritial sex and alcohol and whatnot. A while back my girlfriend told me that she had an ex-boyfriend that fingered her w/o her consent. She tried to give him a second chance, but he did it again, so she stayed away from him. She was too afraid to tell him that hat he did was not ok with her. She is very upright too and was crying and everthing else when telling me this. I have no knowledge about female sex stuff, but is she still a virgin? It really upsets her to talk about it, so I dont like doing it, but would she have felt the same way she did as if she were having sex? Does that mak her a virgin or not

Why does my stomach feel weird after sex?

Monica asks:

Hello, my name is Monica and I've been in a relationship for quite some time now. Last night, my boyfriend and I decided that we were ready to make love together. We used protection (a condom), but I'm still very afraid because this morning I woke up with weird feelings in my stomach. They don't feel like cramps but they are bothersome and it feels as though I have something in my stomach...I don't know how to describe these weird feelings, but last time I had sex, I used protection and experienced these same feelings and I was not pregnant. But I'm still afraid and I feel as though I need to ask if it is normal to ever experience these weird feelings. I asked two of my friends, and they also said they experienced these weird feelings as well. I was just wondering if I should be scared about anything? I have been really upset this whole day because I need to know what is going on. Please help me as soon as possible. Thank you for your time.

Big divides in highly age-disparate relationship

Alexandra asks:

My boyfriend and I have been together about 6 months. We are very compatible in terms of interests and values (the outdoors, conservation of resources, frugal living, healthy eating, etc). I am 22 and he is 60. Both of us have had sex with only one other person in our lives--me, my ex-boyfriend and him, his ex-wife.

He wants more sex than me. Big surprise. He's a man. I understand that. I enjoy sex when we have it (1-2 times a week), but I don't want to push myself to have it when I'm not in the mood. My boyfriend is very understanding intellectually, but his body wants much more. We've been talking about this quite a bit, and the fact that he is willing to talk tells me he is a good man. I don't want any strife over this, so I was wondering if you knew of any coping strategies that might work to help us compromise.

On a deeper level, he acknowledges that he uses time with me as an escape from his worries, whereas I tend to bring my worries into the time we have (I'm a student, so I have to do homework on weekends, for example. I can't just forget about work.) He tends to be very goofy, knocking me onto the bed, tickling me, etc., and it gets tiring responding to this. He says, "I'm sorry I like you more than you like me." How am I supposed to respond to that? DUDE! He's old and I was knocked flat with desire the week I met him! I pursued him because I couldn't imagine letting him slip through my fingers.

He says he wants to live with me, and get married. I don't think that's a good idea if he uses my company to escape his troubles--we won't get through anything if he keeps using my company as an escape. Understand that he is a decent, principled man; he married the girl he got pregnant 40 years ago and stayed with her to raise the child. Consequently, he wants to be understanding of my needs and is compulsive about birth control. We simply have a conflict due to our respective sexes and sex drives. I wonder what we can do.

Skipping steps in sexual activity

rockvixen05 asks:

I really love this website, & I'm pretty sure I've read all of the articles on here (many twice). I still have a question, though.

I'm a 20 year old female who has had no sexual encounters, but want to be totally prepared whenever those opportunities arise. In a lot of the articles, you say in order to successfully move onto vaginal intercourse with a partner it is important to have participated in the precursors beforehand (i.e. cuddling, kissing, manual sex, oral sex, etc). This makes perfectly logical sense, and I agree with it, but I personally am shyer about manual and oral sex than I am about vaginal intercourse. Is that normal? How do I get over it?

Will he find out I'm not a virgin?

josephiney asks:

I was always known as the virgin girl because I told people that I would keep my virginity till marriage. But just last year I got a new boyfriend who was quite horny himself. When I was over at his house, we did it for the first time. At first it didn't go in so then he told me to get on top on him and it started to go in. It hurt a lot but I didn't bleed. I believe we probably last for 5 minutes or so until I told him to stop cause it hurted quite bad. That was my first and only time I did it.

I have a new boyfriend whom I think I might like a lot. I'm planning on doing it with him in the future. Like everyone else he thinks I'm still a virgin. In the future when we actually do it.. can he tell if I did it with someone before? The thing is that my boyfriend isn't a virgin and had done it many times with his exes. I'm afraid he will eventually know that I'm not a virgin.

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

Overcoming sexual victimization of boys and men: information and support for male sexual abuse survivors.