red flags

Captain Awkward

A blog offering advice on a variety of topics, including relationships, abuse, boundary setting, and how to have tough conversations.

The Quiet Voice: How I Stopped Listening to Emotional Abuse

Some forms of abuse, like physical abuse or some kinds of sexual assault, are more easily identified by victims or witnesses. Conversely, gaslighting is a type of non-event, a toxic presence that chips away at a person’s wellbeing over time. Gaslighting is a powerful abuse tactic, although a lesser known one. It is notoriously difficult to understand and recognize, especially for a victim.

Why doesn't sex feel good? Because of How Your Partner Acts

Anonymous asks:
Hello. I turned 18 in November and I had sex for the first time in February. I had had my chance to do so many times before but a little voice in my head always told me it wasn't time or the guy wasn't "the one" so I always stopped. I was stimulated at a very early age due to sexual abuse so I unfortunately knew what it was to reach an orgasm since I was very very young....

Help! My Friend is Dating a Creepy Dude.

themathgirl
asks:
There’s a guy I see frequently (We're in a small major together in school, we live in the same dorm) who has sexually harassed a number of girls in my group of friends. And now recently one of my friends told me that he raped her a year ago(the statute of limitations has passed.) I don't trust him. Most of my friends and I do what we can to avoid him....

The Problem Is Not Your Performance, It's Your Boyfriend

Meme28
asks:
My boyfriend REALLY wants to have sex with me. We're both 17. I don't want to because I'm afraid to be naked around him. I have given him oral sex. But he hasn't done anything but kiss me. Though, last night he caught me in the shower and asked if he could come in and I reluctantly agreed. We had sex, but after he told me that because I was a virgin I failed my first time....

Scarleteen Confidential: When You Don't Like Their Partner

SCsquareIt's a perennial cliché in nearly every coming of age movie, book, and sitcom. An adolescent or emerging adult character brings home a new boyfriend or girlfriend, who is met with dismay or disapproval by parents.

In real life, it's not unusual for parents to not immediately like the partner of their teen, or to feel wary or cautious when it comes to supporting their romantic or sexual relationship.

So how do you go about working out whether or not your concerns are valid, and what to do about them if they are?

A Pair of Jealous Boyfriends AKA Red Flags Aplenty

Sparknolee
asks:
I'm 16 and I'm going through relationship problems that I'm not sure how to handle or what to think of. My boyfriend wants me to change the way I dress because he says I look "slutty." He says he doesn't like me wearing shorts, skirts, dresses or a plain vest top on its own (and I'm quite flat chested so I never show off any cleavage). I'm the type of person who likes wearing what I want....

He wants to take his anger out on my body: that's not okay, right?

bludragonfly7
asks:
My ex-boyfriend and I are working through a very hard situation where in his perspective I cheated on him so I'm trying to fix things and gain his trust again. There has been a lot of pain and distrust between us lately but we are finally getting to a healthier, better place. However, he said something that really disturbed me the other day and I need someone else's perspective....