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I'm 15 years old and was sexually abused for two years in the past. How do I get over my intimacy issues?
The last boyfriend I had, anytime we were physically intimate, my chest would get really tight, I'd often start to shake, and I'd go into this blank zone where I'd just stare at the ceiling and my body would be completely unresponsive. It was really scary. Sometimes he would notice and ask me if I was alright, and I would just kind of nod numbly so I wouldn't disappoint him. Since that relationship, I've dated a little, but now it's gotten to the point where even kissing makes my stomach roil. I've had to stop seeing them so I wouldn't be put into a situation where they would try something physical. I cannot bear the thought of anything remotely sexual, and I feel like it's rapidly becoming an unstoppable downwards spiral.
I want to enjoy intimacy, not be terrified and repulsed by it. It's odd having my sisters gush over how good it feels when I just want to throw up. I feel really abnormal. I also feel like I'm never going to have a working relationship because what guy is going to want to be with a girl like me? It's frustrating, because I'm perfectly okay with all the other aspects of a relationship (of course I'd like to have someone to hang out with and cuddle with and all of that), but I'd just like it without the sex part.
What should I do? Is there any way I can fix this? I'm currently in therapy, but I still don't feel quite ready to open up and tell my therapist about my intimacy issues. It's easier this way. I hope you can help, I don't know what to do and I certainly don't want to get any worse!
I have been with my boyfriend for a while but am shy too have sex. I just lay there without making any noises and I don't do any positions and I also make him turn off the lights so I won't see him an he won't see me. I wanna break out of my shell, he cares about me a lot but I am scared he is going to leave because there is no excitement in our sex life. I WANT him to enjoy me I care about him a lot and I don't want to lose him. I WANT to be a freak in bed and make him want to have sex with me he doesn't even wanna have sex because he says am boring. I don't wanna do anything but lay there. Thank you.
I just lost my virginity more than a week ago. Everytime me and my BF have sex it always hurts, usually a few hours after doing it I start to bleed. I've asked my friends if thats normal but they don't know. Is that normal? I also wanted to asked why I haven't been feeling any pleasure yet? Is that bad? I would like it if you would please answer my questions I don't know where else to go and ask.
Neither my boyfriend or I have engaged in sexual intercourse, with each other of someone else, but we do fool around quite a bit. We both perform oral sex on each other, but he says he doesn't like performing on me once I get wet. He tries his hardest to please me with his fingers but I think a full oral sexual experience would feel so much better. Why does he dislike this and how can we improve the experience for him?
Hi. I'm 18 years old (female) and I've been talking about having sex with a guy friend of mine. I'm very inexperienced and so I'm pretty nervous about this. I don't want to do it and then regret it later. So I have couple questions i was hoping you could help me out with. First of all, if it's going to be my first time but not his should i have him get a STI test(and should i get one)? I feel a bit awkward asking him to because we're not in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship - if you have any ideas on how i could bring this up to him that would be great. I don't think he has an STI or anything but obviously i can't be sure. Secondly, since I'm inexperienced in the sex department and I'm a naturally shy person anyway how can i make myself more comfortable during any kind of sex? Thirdly, am I going to bleed all over the place since it is going to be my first time? On your site you have said that the bleeding is pretty light buy I am just wondering. Lastly, is it wrong to have sex with someone you're not in a relationship with? I feel comfortable with him and I know if we had sex it would be because we both wanted to - not because anyone was feeling pressure. Thanks so much for answering my questions! I really love your site - it has such great information!
I really love this website, & I'm pretty sure I've read all of the articles on here (many twice). I still have a question, though.
I'm a 20 year old female who has had no sexual encounters, but want to be totally prepared whenever those opportunities arise. In a lot of the articles, you say in order to successfully move onto vaginal intercourse with a partner it is important to have participated in the precursors beforehand (i.e. cuddling, kissing, manual sex, oral sex, etc). This makes perfectly logical sense, and I agree with it, but I personally am shyer about manual and oral sex than I am about vaginal intercourse. Is that normal? How do I get over it?
For the past few months my period hasn't been normal. I'll go weeks or sometimes a whole month without it. I am currently in a relatively new relationship (about 2 months now) and we've had sex a few times, but he pulls out right before. I know about the risk of pre-ejaculate and such, but how possible is it to get pregnant from it? Also, I want to start using condoms and while I feel comfortable with him, since we've never brought it up I am bit apprehensive about mentioning it. How can I tell him that if we're going to have sex we need to use condoms? I know it sounds simple and it should be, I'm probably just stressing out about bringing it up over nothing. The thing is that we're both pretty religious people and while I'm more than happy with our sex life, I didn't expect it wouldn't happen so soon. So, the dilemma is do I mention the condoms? Or should we quit having sex because of the way deep down we know we should live and behave. I'm not in anyway saying I don't "want" to have sex.. but I don't know if having sex is the best thing for us now. And if it isn't, how do I go about telling him when we've had sex a few times? (I know this is definitely a personal problem for me, but if you were in my position.. what do you think you'd do?)
Another quick one, in my last relationship that lasted 4 years, my boyfriend who was 27 and I would have sex, either vaginally or orally, and he could only become aroused and ejaculate once. With the person I am with now (who is 31) he'll get aroused and ejaculate and an hour later he's ready to go again. Is it just different in every person? Thanks so much for your time.
I’m a 14 year old boy. There is this girl that really likes me and I feel the same way about her. We want to have sex, but we’re both uneasy about it. What should we do?
I was always known as the virgin girl because I told people that I would keep my virginity till marriage. But just last year I got a new boyfriend who was quite horny himself. When I was over at his house, we did it for the first time. At first it didn't go in so then he told me to get on top on him and it started to go in. It hurt a lot but I didn't bleed. I believe we probably last for 5 minutes or so until I told him to stop cause it hurted quite bad. That was my first and only time I did it.
I have a new boyfriend whom I think I might like a lot. I'm planning on doing it with him in the future. Like everyone else he thinks I'm still a virgin. In the future when we actually do it.. can he tell if I did it with someone before? The thing is that my boyfriend isn't a virgin and had done it many times with his exes. I'm afraid he will eventually know that I'm not a virgin.
I read through the checklist today and much of the "Material" items I do not have. Well, primarily the money. But since I live in a country where STD-testing is free 'till you turn 23 and very cheap after that and where abortion, pre-natal care and pretty much any health care you need is widely available and very cheap too, do I really need the money?
Another thing, do you have to use lube? Me and my boyfriend go without condoms (been monogamous since November last year..) and it feels amazing without lube...