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To have sex or not to have sex: that's the question.

Eoin asks:

I appreciate your site, and have been reading as much of it (along with several other sources) as I can, and discussing topics with family and close friends and the information is very helpful. However, I still feel amazingly overwhelmed, confused and scared about sex and was hoping I could get some direct help.

I am a 17 year old virgin guy and have a 14 year old girlfriend, as well as (and I do hate myself for this) a would-be lover (my friend's girlfriend). I love and (I believe) am loved by both of them, although at our ages I think it is hard to tell sometimes (uncertainty about feelings, the drama vs. love that you have mentioned, "is it just a casual boyfriend/girlfriend thing", etc). Anyways, I have heard many different opinions about the first time especially in emotional and spiritual terms, and also have my own personal fears and complications.

First, I am worried because I am uncertain about sex being "such a big deal". Honestly I would hope that it is not and I think I may have been close-minded to that effect. Specifically among my concerns are some statements on your site (forgive me and correct if my paraphrasing compromises the intent):

Can I just use EC instead of other birth control?

LizzyUK2002 asks:

I am going to have sex with my boyfriend soon, but I am really scared about getting pregnant. We are going to use a condom but I'm paranoid that I'm going to get pregnant. I could go on the pill but my mum wont let me.. so I'm going to ask my friend's mum, also. If I could get the morning after pill and take it just in case it won't harm me will it?

We're ready to have sex, and want the best protection!

Boi884I asks:

Hello, I am 18 years old and I have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years. We really want to have sex and we are both ready; HOWEVER she wants to get the best protection method, as do I. So our plan is to get condoms and then birth control. The thing is, we don't know how soon the pill works and how expensive it is to buy it. As well we wanted to know what days in her cycle is she at low risk of pregnancy (including the use of condom)? As well how would you talk about it with a parent? Thanks.

Am I pregnant? (And, why feeling you have to lie and go without protection isn't okay.)

Anonymous asks:

I had sex a few days after my period and I made sure it was over. I lied to my boyfriend bout it so that I had time to make sure it was clean. 3 weeks later I had my period. My periods are usually irregular so I figured it's okay. But I'm still so so worried. Please help! Could I be pregnant? I haven't been feeling anything at all and I've only done it once, just that night. No sperm came out either.

I want it, she doesn't.

easywurie asks:

How will I be able to make love to my girlfriend, because we have talked about it but she didn't agree.
What should I do?

I'm not comfortable with my body; does this mean I'm not ready for sex?

Anonymous asks:

I'm 16 years-old and I have been going out with this truly amazing guy I have known for nearly five years. We have been dating for 2 months, but I feel as if we have really connected physically and emotionally. We talk openly about sex and express ourselves as mature and intelligent young adults. The problem is that I have difficulties accepting myself physically. I have very very small breasts and a petite frame and that keeps me from experimenting sexually with my partner. I know I have a great personality and other good features, but I cannot help feeling like a child. Is my underdevelopment or my insecurity a sign that I am not ready for sex?

Thank you.

Unprotected sex, then my period: I'm not pregnant, right?

itsme77 asks:

About a month ago I had sex for the first time and I did it because my boyfriend said he would love me if I did. Well it happened four times and we didn't use protection at all. Well 2 days later I started my period and it was a normal 7 day period, then 2 days after I stopped I started spotting a dark brownish color. Then that stopped and then 2 days after that I spotted again and it was light. But it only lasted a day. So when should I start this month? And since I had my period 2 days after I can't be pregnant right? He broke up with me and my mom like hates me now so please help. Thanks.

I'm a sexual abuse survivor: how do I get okay being intimate again?

Anonymous asks:

I'm 15 years old and was sexually abused for two years in the past. How do I get over my intimacy issues?

The last boyfriend I had, anytime we were physically intimate, my chest would get really tight, I'd often start to shake, and I'd go into this blank zone where I'd just stare at the ceiling and my body would be completely unresponsive. It was really scary. Sometimes he would notice and ask me if I was alright, and I would just kind of nod numbly so I wouldn't disappoint him. Since that relationship, I've dated a little, but now it's gotten to the point where even kissing makes my stomach roil. I've had to stop seeing them so I wouldn't be put into a situation where they would try something physical. I cannot bear the thought of anything remotely sexual, and I feel like it's rapidly becoming an unstoppable downwards spiral.

I want to enjoy intimacy, not be terrified and repulsed by it. It's odd having my sisters gush over how good it feels when I just want to throw up. I feel really abnormal. I also feel like I'm never going to have a working relationship because what guy is going to want to be with a girl like me? It's frustrating, because I'm perfectly okay with all the other aspects of a relationship (of course I'd like to have someone to hang out with and cuddle with and all of that), but I'd just like it without the sex part.

What should I do? Is there any way I can fix this? I'm currently in therapy, but I still don't feel quite ready to open up and tell my therapist about my intimacy issues. It's easier this way. I hope you can help, I don't know what to do and I certainly don't want to get any worse!

He wants me to be a freak, but I just want to lay there.

Anonymous asks:

I have been with my boyfriend for a while but am shy too have sex. I just lay there without making any noises and I don't do any positions and I also make him turn off the lights so I won't see him an he won't see me. I wanna break out of my shell, he cares about me a lot but I am scared he is going to leave because there is no excitement in our sex life. I WANT him to enjoy me I care about him a lot and I don't want to lose him. I WANT to be a freak in bed and make him want to have sex with me he doesn't even wanna have sex because he says am boring. I don't wanna do anything but lay there. Thank you.

Is sex supposed to hurt?

funkgurl asks:

I just lost my virginity more than a week ago. Everytime me and my BF have sex it always hurts, usually a few hours after doing it I start to bleed. I've asked my friends if thats normal but they don't know. Is that normal? I also wanted to asked why I haven't been feeling any pleasure yet? Is that bad? I would like it if you would please answer my questions I don't know where else to go and ask.

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