Have you been through a breakup? Maybe more than one? If you have, you know how awful it can be, and how incredibly rough, especially when you're new to romantic or sexual relationships. Breakups between friends can be just as awful, too.
You probably also know that learning to deal with and get through a breakup is just as much of a learning process as learning to be in relationships is. Sometimes we'll have dealt with loss before breakups, so we have some clues and tools already when it comes to taking care of ourselves. But for plenty of young people, a breakup is a first major loss, and figuring out how to get through feeling so gutted while you're feeling so gutted can be seriously overwhelming.
Friends can be great sometimes, but not so great other times, even when they really are trying to do their best. Plenty of us know that quips like, "You deserved better than her, anyway," "His loss, seriously, you're so much better off," "Now you can go have some fun!" or "Oh, it was only puppy love," are often not exactly comforting.
And a person truly can only eat so much ice cream, only get lost in video games for so many days and only watch so many tearjerkers, despite the seemingly infinite supply of them Netflix streaming may offer. On top of all of that, some people's post-breakup behavior can be very unhealthy, resulting in harm to others, like stalking, harassment, or assault, or in self-harm. Getting help with coping well is really important for a whole lot of people.
So, can you help some of our readers out?
When you've been through a breakup -- whether you're 16 or 46 -- how have you dealt with it? What are the things that you found made you feel better?
How did you give yourself the time you needed to grieve over your loss, and how did you get other people to give you that space, rather than pushing you to move forward before you were ready? What were the things that got you from your grief space into a space where you could start to move forward?
What were the great things your friends or family did to help you, or, for that matter, the things they did that were utterly unhelpful?
In a word, can you step up, leave a comment, and be a shoulder for some of our readers who need one to lean on? We'll bring the ice cream if you bring the wisdom.
I am 15 years old and I have only made out once. I do not know the person I made out with, and I don't exactly remember what it was like. I want to make out with more people, but I am afraid I will not be good at it, I also don't want to embarrass myself with the person I do make out with. Another thing is, what if the person I do make out with tries to do more with me than I am ready? What should I do and how do you recommend getting over these fears of mine? Thank you!
Mmkay I'm 13. I want to have sex really bad but I still don't have a boyfriend and blah blah blah. I KNOW how to not have sex with a guy that I JUST met. I like to go out with a guy for awhile before I do anything like sex. But when I do have a boyfriend for like a year I would like to have sex. But I am always freaking out about getting pregnant! But I can't wait if I find someone that I like for awhile and stuff! And like I would like to do oral. But I am scared if I will get herpes or something. I'm always so paranoid about this! :|
From PEDIATRICS Vol. 123 No. 1 January 2009, pp. e110-e120 (doi:10.1542/peds.2008-0407): Patient Teenagers? A Comparison of the Sexual Behavior of Virginity Pledgers and Matched Nonpledgers, Janet Elise Rosenbaum, PhD, AM; Health Policy PhD Program, Harvard University, Cambridge, Massachusetts; Department of Population, Family, and Reproductive Health, Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, Maryland.
My girlfriend is uncomfortable being naked around me. She is beautiful and I love the way she looks. If she could see what I see, she would be more comfortable. What can I do to make her feel better?
I am 21 years old and have been with my boyfriend for eight months. This is the first relationship I have ever been in; we had sex only a couple of days after we met and I have been with him since. Obviously I trust him and love him and we have a very healthy relationship, but I have known for a while now that prior to meeting me, he slept with 15 other girls. I have a history of depression and ever since he has told me I have started to feel really horrible about it all - I never thought it was something that would ever bother me, as I have friends both male and female who are promiscuous, but I feel so much differently about it now that he has told me. I feel that it upsets me a lot and I don't know why and I can't understand it. I have tried to talk to him about it a lot but he won't open up to me and I don't know what else I can do.
I'm really torn on what to do. I'm a 17 year old, sexually active girl and I've been thinking about getting on the pill. My boyfriend and I use condoms every single time, but he wanted me to get on the pill because he says it feels better without one and also because pregnancy is something we both don't want. It took me forever to get up the courage to make an appointment at Planned Parenthood, and when I finally did, I canceled 5 hours before my appointment. I just couldn't go through with it. I think I want to get on the pill but I'm scared my mom will find out since I have to take it everyday, and I also don't want all of the side effects like mood change and weight gain. My boyfriend now says that I can do whatever I want, and that after getting used to condoms, he thinks that they feel the same as not using one. That's great and all that he's putting the decision completely in my hands but it also doesn't help because I have no idea what I should do. Is it okay for me to just use condoms? Is that safe enough, if we use them properly? Will the pill be too much of a hassle if I have to hide it, and does it really cause you to gain weight and get all sensitive? I don't know what to do at all. I want to be responsible with this but I just want to make sure I'm not choosing the wrong thing by sticking with only condoms.
I was born with a skin sickness called Neurodermatitis. I'm now 14 and so is my boyfriend, but I took a chance and told him why I have so many scars because he asked. Because of the sickness, I have the ugliest legs. I have purple spots, white spots, just scars upon scars upon scars. And there ALL OVER MY BODY. My boyfriend loves me very, very much and I do the same, but I'm worried about what he thinks about my body. I've never shown him what my skin looks like except my lower arms and upper chest (v-neck shirts, not topless). Will my body scare him to stop loving me?
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