negotiation

Did you ... you know? Well, I don't know...

nena asks:

What exactly is the "G-spot," and do you just know when you find it? So my boyfriend fingers me but sometimes I'm not in the mood, so I ask him to stop. Afterwards he says, "Did you...you know?" I don't know what he meant by that, do you?

Parents have sex?!?

Ana asks:

How often do parents have sex?

I have HPV, and I don't want him to know.

Gaby asks:

I got HPV from my last sexual partner. I was wondering if I went to donate blood would I still be able to? My new partner doesn't know I have this and I don't want him to find out. By donating blood and getting the results back will they be able to tell I have it?

Can you have sex with someone when they're asleep?

Anonymous asks:

I saw a porn movie the other day where this guy was doing his girlfriend while she was sleeping. Is that really possible?

I don't want to have sex for religious reasons.... I think.

Ashley asks:

For the past few months my period hasn't been normal. I'll go weeks or sometimes a whole month without it. I am currently in a relatively new relationship (about 2 months now) and we've had sex a few times, but he pulls out right before. I know about the risk of pre-ejaculate and such, but how possible is it to get pregnant from it? Also, I want to start using condoms and while I feel comfortable with him, since we've never brought it up I am bit apprehensive about mentioning it. How can I tell him that if we're going to have sex we need to use condoms? I know it sounds simple and it should be, I'm probably just stressing out about bringing it up over nothing. The thing is that we're both pretty religious people and while I'm more than happy with our sex life, I didn't expect it wouldn't happen so soon. So, the dilemma is do I mention the condoms? Or should we quit having sex because of the way deep down we know we should live and behave. I'm not in anyway saying I don't "want" to have sex.. but I don't know if having sex is the best thing for us now. And if it isn't, how do I go about telling him when we've had sex a few times? (I know this is definitely a personal problem for me, but if you were in my position.. what do you think you'd do?)

Another quick one, in my last relationship that lasted 4 years, my boyfriend who was 27 and I would have sex, either vaginally or orally, and he could only become aroused and ejaculate once. With the person I am with now (who is 31) he'll get aroused and ejaculate and an hour later he's ready to go again. Is it just different in every person? Thanks so much for your time.

He says he won't use condoms on our honeymoon, even though I don't want to get pregnant.

Cassandra asks:

My boyfriend and I have been dating well over a year and we have talked about getting married. He said that on the honeymoon he is not going to wear a condom. I, however, want him to because I don't want to get pregnant right away. I know that you won't get pregnant right away every time, but I don't want to take the chance. I have told him this, yet he still insists on not wearing one. Basically I'm asking how can I change his mind or get him to see it from my point of view?

He wants oral sex, but I don't want to give it.

Jessica asks:

He wants oral sex but I don't like to give it. What should I do?

Rape fantasy or domination and submission desires?

Nunya asks:

I am 24 and a sexually active woman. I have a fantasy that I have told no one about because its embarassing. I keep having fantasies about being held down and forced to have sex. It really turns me on too. Is this normal? (No I have never been raped or molested, so its not some pshychlogical thing comin out.) I want to ask my boyfriend to do a roleplay with me about forcing himself on me but I don't want him to think I am a psycho nutball. Would this be safe and healthy as long as we made up something, a codeword like "reindeer" or something so that if I got scared or it got to rough one of us could say the code word and we stop? Do other people have this fantasy or am I really a psycho nutball?

I don't want to give him a handjob back: what do I do?

Anonymous asks:

I am in a bit of a pickle. I am ok with my boyfriend fingering me, but I never tell him to, or even elude to it. But I am uncomfortable with giving him hand jobs. I mean, we will be lying down on the couch, and he will just start sliding his hands down to unbutton my pants. I won't resist (unless I am on my period, or am not in a sexual mood) but feel awkward when he then wants me to give him a handjob. How do I tell him this, because even though I do enjoy him fingering me, and I think he likes it too, I don't want to give him hand jobs, and don't want our relationship to become one wayed...what do I do?

It's harder for him to orgasm with condoms, so what do I do?

Jaimie asks:

I just had sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. He is used to having sex without a condom and now that he is using one he says its harder to have an orgasm because its different. I dont want to feel like I'm not satisfying him. What should I do?

Sexual Negotiation for the Long Haul

Many people in long-term, committed relationships, be it marriage or steady partnership -- no matter their age -- have ideas about sex in partnerships they may not even be aware of. Often we base our ideas of relationships and sexuality on what we see in the media or in movies, on what our parents relationship is like, or on what we imagine, in a perfect world, sex and love to be. Talking about what those ideas are, communicating our feelings honestly, and creating clear limits and honoring them make everyone happier and healthier.