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myths

Did my previous masturbation de-virginize me?

yesman asks:

I am 15 and when I was 14 I started becoming very interested in masturbating. I actually used objects and penetrated them inside my vagina. After a while i realized how stupid I was being so I stopped with the masturbating. I've been dating my boyfriend for about 4 months and we are so comfortable with each other. He makes comments as a joke about vagina tightness and how I'll bleed when I have sex at first and it will hurt. But the thing is I have basically de-virgined myself. Will the guy who I lose my virginity to notice that having sex for the first time with me will be easy to get in and everything? I really regret masturbating and everything. This may sound stupid but I'm very worried.

Your vagina is NOT a crystal ball. OR: What your doctor really can't tell just by looking.

Anonymous asks:

MMkay, so I'm 21, being doing all the right things with yearly exams, getting the tests I need, etc. I just read an article about how the vagina does not substantially change after intercourse, but the first time I had a pelvic exam my doctor said "you're lucky you're getting this done here, a lot of college clinics don't have virgin equipment." What? If there's no substantial change (which I am FAR more inclined to believe) then this makes absolutely no sense. I would ask what she meant, but her practice has moved and I see a different doctor now.

UNRELATED question that I always wanted to ask her but was too afraid to- I was sexually abused when I was little, and raped when I was 16. That for me also confuses the whole issue of what she said- first of all, I wasn't a virgin, and secondly, (my real question) how was it possible she thought I was a virgin, as my guess would be there would also be some kind of signs of past trauma?

As a note, I'm in counseling and doing pretty well but I'm scared to ask because of the oh-man-if-my-doctor-was-right-then-maybe-I'm-overreacting/wrong problem... I'm usually pretty good at trusting myself on this issue, but this is one place I'm always afraid to go because it would be so concrete. (I also just moved for grad school and am seeing someone new and feel comfortable, but I will make a point to ask her too.)

I didn't feel a thing with fingering: is there something wrong with me?

Anonymous asks:

I am 15 years old, and my boyfriend I went farther in our relationship. It was both of are first times doing anything with someone else's private parts. When he was fingering me, he used one finger for a time and I really didn't feel it, it felt boring. He then did it with two and when I told him I still couldn't really feel it, he was shocked. He then got a little frustrated I think, and tried it pretty roughly and then it started to hurt. Is there something wrong with me? I also used a dildo once, so could have that like ran down my nerve endings down there?

He refuses to believe that I need foreplay!

Anonymous asks:

My boyfriend doesn't understand that females need foreplay first before we have sex. He just thinks it's okay to "put it in and off we go". I've tried to explain to him that females need foreplay, but he doesn't believe me. He thinks just because he is "hard" I should be too. I'm trying to find some articles based on facts that females DO need stimulation before having sex, but to no avail. Can someone point me in the right direction please?

How many partners do most people have in their lives, and is everyone serially monogamous?

Kalira asks:

I'm so used to seeing TV shows with the "bachelor" who constantly sleeps around and never has a partner, or the one who's looking for "the one" and falls in love and looses someone new every five episodes. And at school, I'm used to everyone dating for a week, then more or less switching partners, or randomly sleeping together.

My question is: How many partners do most people have in their life time? And do one-week stands count as a small relationship? How short can a relationship be, and how long can it before moving on and finding someone new becomes really hard? Can people be in committed, loving, polygamous relationships, or have different partners for different things (like someone else for especially rough sex you wouldn't want to subject a gentler emotional-lover to)?

How do you tell when women are done having sex?

Liam asks:

I know for a guy, sex is over once he ejaculates. But when is the sex over for a girl? Because I've always been told in sex ed that the guy is "finished" once he cums & that girls don't always ejaculate during sex. But I never really thought to ask about when a girl is "finished." So when does a guy know the sex has finished for both, if the girl doesn't always "finish off" like guys do?

Will I be the only virgin in my circle of friends and family forever?

Anonymous asks:

I am a 19 year old female. And a virgin. The thing is I feel ready to experience sexual intercourse. Not only that, I feel it is a "stepping stone" that will allow me to "grow-up". All of my friends at this point have lost their virginity, including my 16 year old cousin! I feel left behind almost as if they've grown in some grand way that I have yet to experience. It's like everyone else getting their license and you're still riding your bike to school. I have another dilemma that rebukes this problem as well - I'm waiting for the "right guy" to `come along. But the trouble with that is, I don't know who "Mr.Right" is! Sure I've dated and such but they never seem right for me. Will I be the only virgin in my circle of friends and family forever?

How can vaginas not vary much in size, for real?

Anonymous asks:

I was reading posts and noticed that a lot of them said how sex should be easy if the girl is turned on and relaxed. I have a smaller build and perceive it to be proportional in "all areas". I'm 19. I really enjoy sex and I have been sexually active for two years. However, I have found that no matter how much foreplay my boyfriend and I engage in, sex is difficult to start with and I feel sore during the end and afterwards. My boyfriend has also noticed a large difference in "tightness" between myself and other girls he has been with. We always use a good amount of lubrication and I do feel really relaxed and aroused with him. I don't understand how a guy can have a larger or smaller penis, but yet everything I have read on your site says that women have little to no variation in size. Does this mean that I'm generally the same size as the girls he's been with and that there is something else wrong with me?

My best friend was raped: what can I do for her?

Suze asks:

First off, thank you for this site. It's wonderful. Now, I'm a just-graduated senior, and my best friend went with a big group to Florida for their senior trip. She called me wasted and crying, upset and saying that this guy I'll call E wanted to have sex with her, she told him no, and he did it anyway. His side of the story was that she didn't protest. Sounds like rape, right? But she's known for teasing guys, and people might not believe her. And they liked each other a while back--E never displayed any signs of being likely to take advantage of someone.

I have no idea how to handle this situation because there's so much gray area. How can I help my best friend?

Why we don't always know

(Heads-up: parts of this post are fairly explicit when it comes to detailing rape and abuse.)

One of the more interesting (and by interesting, I mean ridiculously ignorant) responses I have seen in a few places discussing the I Was Raped project and my input was my statement on the news that the first time I was assaulted -- at the age of 11 -- I did not know what had happened to me and was without any language to even express it.

This is being met with some measure of disbelief by a few folks, or the assumption I was on drugs or had been drugged or that I was simply stupid. My personal favorite was that I'm a young girl who only called my rapes rape after being brainwashed by Jennifer and feminism, a newfangled notion she apparently just clued me into recently. Who knew I was such a late bloomer, and that I was somehow able to grow up in the 70's in a progressive Chicago neighborhood with a single mother, an activist father, and managed to never hear about feminism? Wowza.

I think

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