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long-distance relationships

Feeling lost in a long-distance relationship

aroplane asks:

I have been in a long distance relationship for a year now. We are in love, but he is a year older than me and is going to college this year. We decided a long time ago that breaking up would be the best option in order to avoid one of us cheating or having to break up on bad terms later on. The goal is to preserve our friendship.

The problem is we are still in love and so far we have been acting the same way that we did when we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. We still say I love you and talk every day. At first we decided to label our status as "broken up", however we then decided that since we weren't acting broken up that we should not call our status anything and ignore labels and just listen to our feelings and be honest with each other all the time. That sounds good in theory but now we are in this relationship limbo that seems so fragile and hopeless.

My friend told me that the best thing to do in order not to end up getting taken over by jealousy down the line would be to stop talking to each other all together and try to get over one another. There is one big big big problem with that idea and that is that we are in love and the thought of not speaking to him tears me apart. I want to know my "boyfriend" forever one way or another. He accepts me and loves me for who I am. We have so much fun together. When I'm with him I feel safe and beautiful. Nothing compares to it.

If we HAVE to break up then I do want to be friends if that is all we can be, but I don't know how to do that when I would rather be his girlfriend. I need him in my life. He needs me in his. What is the best way to handle this situation?

Spotlight on Scarleteen: Going the Distance in LDRs

Going the Distance: A Few Thoughts on Long-Distance Relationships by Joey

Do you know that Cake song that goes, “He’s going the distance… he’s going for speed… she’s all alone (all alone!) in a time of need…”? If you also listened to a lot of alternative rock in the mid-nineties or just love clever trumpet-y tunes, the chorus to Cake’s “The Distance” may pop into your head upon reading this Scarleteen Take Two! article’s title. I’m not sure if author Joey had that song in mind when penning her piece, but “going the distance” to make long-distance relationships work is something she knows firsthand. In her article, “Going the Distance: A Few Thoughts on Long-Distance Relationships,” Joey shares personal experience as well as great general advice for people in or considering long-distance relationships.

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