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limits

How do I bring up my sexual limits and boundaries?

Lishy asks:

I'm 15, and I have my first boyfriend (he's 16, almost 17, with a one year five month age difference between us). I really love him, and he loves me. Yesterday, we were kissing and ended up with us making out and him on top of me. He touched my leg, and my stomach and hip some, but didn't go anywhere near my privates. He's really sweet and polite and would never pressure me into anything, but we haven't talked about sex or anything. I haven't even asked him about his last girlfriend. I'm a virgin, and would like to stay that way for the forseeable future. I have nothing against sex in high school or before marriage, I just don't think I'd be able to handle it emotionally if I got pregnant or our parents found out or something. How can I bring up sex, and my boundaries, with him?

Pucker problems, or: What can I do if I don't like kissing?

Annalisa asks:

I've realized that I just don't enjoy kissing. I love to be close to the person, and I like quick pecks on the cheeks, lips, and neck, but I don't enjoy deeper kissing. I do it, but I always feel as if I'm doing it for the other person, not for me. Holding or being held by the person just does a lot more for me sexually. Is there something wrong with me? Am I abnormal? What can I say to my partner, and what can I suggest as a replacement?

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Why do I still feel so guilty?

Erin asks:

I was dating a guy and the whole time I was dating him, he kept wanting to have sex with me. And I told him I wanted to wait for marriage. He said he'd wait for me and never ask me about it again. Well......that didn't happen. Every time we were together he kept asking if I wanted to move to the next level and I said no. Well, he kept doing this for two years, and we broke up a couple times over it. He'd always just apologize and say he wouldn't ask again. But then one day we went fishing together and he brought a blanket (which I thought was sweet....) and a condom. And he asked again.

Navigating sex and sexuality after a long history of abuse and assault

Sara asks:

When I was younger, (think 8 to begin with) my uncle kissed me on the mouth and told me that was the way I was supposed to kiss boys. It catapulted me out of normal 8 year old states of mind and left me obsessing about sex. I masturbated A LOT and had what I thought years later what might have been an orgasm at 11.

I thought that everyone was as sex obsessed as I was, which was probably due to the enormous amounts of media attention paid to having sex, trying to have sex, making yourself sexy enough to have sex, etc. It might also be useful to add that I was way ahead in school, so my peer group were at least 2 years older than I was, meaning that the boys around me were hitting puberty when I started this crazy sexual revolution...

He was sweet at first, but then I said no to sex...

Anonymous asks:

I'm a 15 year old virgin and at the beginning of the summer holidays a met this guy through a friend of mine. We got on really well and started dating about a week after we met. The only problem is now we've been going out for a few weeks he's started to change, he's not as sweet and caring anymore and has started to try to get me to do more sexual things with him. He says his last girlfriend and him had sex after two weeks and doesn't understand why I will only do basic things. Up until now I've found it so easy to tell people I don't want to do something, but I've told him I don't think we've been dating long enough to do anything serious and he won't listen. Please give me some advice, I'm worried soon I won't have the guts to stand up to him and I don't want to be rushed into anything I don't want to do.

He doesn't feel any desire for sex, but I want a sexual relationship

Elizabeth asks:

My boyfriend and I are 22 and 21, respectively, and have been dating for two years. We recently moved into an apartment and now live together. We're committed to not having sex before marriage, but we've been doing other sexual things since we started dating.

When we first got together, he was somewhat interested in oral sex (me to him, but NOT him to me) and touching and stuff. That lasted for only a few months, and since about a year and a half ago he has lost all interest in it. We'll do stuff maybe once every other month, if I'm lucky. It keeps getting worse. He's never been a very sexual person, and never even kissed anyone before me. He doesn't even enjoy kissing because he says it's wet and messy (even though we only ever kiss closed-mouth).

The only thing he has ever been interested in is feet tickling, which I grew used to. But anymore, he doesn't even seem to get turned on by that. He claims to be turned off by not only kissing, but also breasts, porn, and even the mere thought of a vagina.

My friends say I have to have anal sex to prove I'm not a virgin to them.

Katie asks:

My friends are telling me I am still a virgin in their eyes because I have not had anal sex. The idea is scary to me. I do not think I want to do anal sex. They call me a chicken because I have not tried it. Is there any advice you can give me to maybe change my mind and get me through it?

Older boyfriend wants to add a second male partner: what do I do?

Anonymous asks:

I am 14 years old and my boyfriend is 18. We have not had vaginal intercourse yet but we have anal sex regularly. Recently he has told me that he wants to add another partner into our anal sex. I said that I was fine with it (assuming that he wanted another woman to join) but then he told me he wanted a man. I'm sort of uncomfortable about it. Does this mean he is gay? What should I tell him?

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