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I am 23 and I am getting married this fall. I have never had sex before because I have been waiting for marriage. My fiance is not a virgin. We have different views on the purpose of sex. His goals are intimacy and pleasure. I have a lifelong history of feeling guilty about any kind of physical pleasure and therefore trying to avoid it altogether. I really do not care whether I ever have an orgasm. I actually do not know what I think the point of sex is. How can we start a sexual relationship when our goals for sex are so different?
You probably already know I'm the founder and executive director of Scarleteen. (If not, hello! Lovely meeting you.) You might not know that on Sunday I'm turning 40.
I don't normally ask the internet for birthday prezzies, but 40 is a big freaking birthday. When I was the age of most of the young people I counsel now, I had it in my head I wouldn't live past 36. I've become the adult I didn't even think I would be around to be. When someone asked me what I wanted last week for my birthday, what I felt I really wanted, in my heart of hearts, was the kind of world I'd truly prefer to live in and want for young people, particularly around sexuality, their bodies and their relationships. I want the world I've been working very hard to try and create. Big birthdays deserve big gifts, right?
Of course, no one can just snap their fingers and give that to me. But there is something small each of you can do to plant some seeds for it, and I'm going to go ahead and be a noodge and ask you forRead more...
I have been thinking about having sex with my boyfriend, and we both have talked and know that we feel ready for it. However, when I think about during the first time; I laugh. I mean not laughing at him; but because of the inexperience of it all, and the adrenaline rush. Of course, I will tell him its not him, but the situation. I don't want to laugh during sex, but it is something that I can't help but so see myself doing. I should suppress laughing, of course. But it is kind of apart of my playful personality, but the last thing I would want to do is offend my boyfriend. Laughing is relaxing right? But still is it bad of me to laugh?