My boyfriend and I have been trying to have sex and it just doesn't work. I'm a virgin and he isn't. I think he's too big for me. Or is it the position? Any suggestions?
If you're thinking about sexual (vaginal) intercourse with an opposite sex partner, and you've got everything you feel you need: materially, in terms of your relationship, and emotionally, you might want to know HOW to make it all work your first time. The bulk of questions we get asked about first intercourse are: Will it hurt? Will I bleed? Will I hate it? I'm so scared, what do I do? Why isn't my boyfriend talking to me now that we've had sex? Why didn't I orgasm? Why didn't it feel like anything?
At least once every couple of days, someone posts or writes into Scarleteen reporting that vaginal entry -- usually intercourse or manual vaginal sex, and usually (but not always) with male partners -- is painful, uncomfortable, or unfulfilling for them. Whatever sort of vaginal entry we're talking about -- with fingers, a penis or a dildo, with partners of any gender -- not only doesn't have to be painful, it really shouldn't be. More than that, any kind of sex shouldn't be about a lack of pain, but about the presence of pleasure.
There's a reason for taking things slowly, for putting off intercourse, or taking it away from center stage that often gets overlooked. I'm not talking about slowing things down for religious or moral ideals or social pressures. Not slowing things down to prevent STIs and pregnancy. Not even slowing things down for legal reasons or because of your age. I'm not talking about Just Say No, and I'm not talking about not having sex at all. I'm talking about PLEASURE.
A candid memoir of first-time intercourse from the founder of Scarleteen.
What's safer sex? Find out how you can best reduce your risks of STIs and protect your health and how to do it and be supported in it without feeling like the Sex Decency Brigade or bringing on the buzzkill.
Some people experience great pain or discomfort with vaginal sex or other kinds of vaginal entry that's not about hymens, lack of arousal or lubrication, or rough partners, but about a health condition known as vaginismus.