in your own words

In Your Own Words: How To Speak Up!

Want to speak your mind? Share your unique perspective for readers at Scarleteen? Make sure that real teen and young adult voices get heard? See your name in lights?

Hi, my name is Polyqueergenderqueer

Be yourself, even if that means that there isn’t a label for you. Explain to anyone who matters who you are. You’re not your labels.

I thought the "First Time" was supposed to suck!

I researched sex before diving in. Nearly every article and website felt like it carried another warning. Besides worrying me about STIs and pregnancy, my research was showing me that my first time was likely to be painful. I like to mentally prepare myself for things like this and I thought I knew what sex would be like. But, I'm very glad to say that my story is different. It's good. No, it's amazing.

New Series: Would Love Your Help!

Submitted by Heather Corinna on Wed, 2010-07-14 06:26

I'd like to start a new series at Scarleteen to address some unique first-person experiences while also looking at generational differences and similarities, divides and bridges. All too often, people with shared experiences but of different ages talk past or over each other; have a hard time connecting and seeing where they connect, where they don't and landing in a place where we can all respect each other's experiences, no matter how different we may be.

Ideally, how I'd like this to go is to get two people of different generations -- one under 25, one over 40 -- for each of the following themes/experiences in the list below. Rather than myself or other staff asking the questions or leading the topic, I'd like each of those two people to write out five questions for the other, then each answer the questions they were asked, adding more if needed during that back-and-forth conversation, and we'll edit it all together into something polished and cohesive.

What's the point? First to get some more first-person experience content for the topics below. But it's also to provide conversation between generations on these experiences and really look at what's different and what's the same, the ways either person might not understand the other's experience, and to build some generational bridges. I think the self-interview format will allow those participating to focus on what they want to know, rather than what I might want to as an editor, and will allow people with these experiences to decide what their big deals have been rather than anyone possibly outside those experiences deciding for them.

Here's the list!

  • Two people who have been/are teen mothers: have young person, need over 40
  • Two people who have what they consider to be casual sex: have young person, need over 40
  • Two people who were sexually active in high school: have young person, need over 40
  • Two trans women
  • Two trans men: have young person, need over 40
  • Two genderqueer or agender people: have young person, need over 40
  • Two rape survivors: have young person, need over 40
  • Two lesbians: have young person, need over 40
  • Two gay men: have young person, need over 40
  • Two people who identify as bisexual or queer: have young person, need over 40
  • Two domestic violence/partner violence survivors: have young person, need over 40
  • Two intersex people
  • Two people who are involved in BDSMhave young person, need over 40
  • Two involuntary celibates
  • Two HIV positive people
  • Two people who had sex education in school: team in progress!
  • Two people who identify as asexual: have young person, need over 40
  • Two people who grew up with gay/lesbian/queer parents/families: have young person, need over 40
  • Two people who were sexually active as teens whose parents reacted very badly
  • Two people who are/were married before the age of 20
  • Two people who had abortions
  • Two people who were kicked out of their homes in their teens
  • Two people who did not have sexual relationships until marriage
  • Two people who had/have trouble reaching orgasm: have young person, need over 40
  • Two survivors of childhood sexual abuse: read it here!
  • Two people with disabilities that impact/influence their sexuality: have young person, need over 40
  • Two people who went through a sexual orientation shift/change: read it here!
  • Two people who were sexually harassed/bullied in high school: have young person, need over 40

By all means, if there's a pairing here you think I've overlooked, or you know you want to be part of but isn't on the list, let me know!

Interested in participating? Drop an email, letting us know which set you're interested in being part of. I'll keep tabs, connect people via email when we have some pairs, and give you some guidance with formatting. If you only want to be identified by a specific name to the other person/readers per your privacy, please let us know.

Teams we now have for a topic are those marked. Topics where we have someone of one age but not the other waiting for a match are also noted.


Meet Scarleteen's New Assistant Director!

Submitted by Heather Corinna on Wed, 2010-04-21 10:03

I'm thrilled to announce that beginning in May, Scarleteen will be welcoming CJ Turett as our part-time assistant director. We've never had an official assistant director before, but have wanted one for quite some time, and I can't conceive of a better person for the job. I am particularly delighted to bring someone into a position of leadership here who is a younger activist: part of serving younger people well involves making them an integral part of the organizations who serve them, which absolutely should include positions of leadership.

CJ is a has a master's degree in human sexuality education from Widener University and is currently pursuing an Ed.D. He has worked previously as a community educator at a domestic violence and sexual assault survivor service organization, as an HIV/AIDS and LGBT case manager for the Mazzoni Center, and most recently as the education coordinator for Answer and their Sex, Etc. website. He has lectured on numerous LGBT health and well-being issues over the last five years. CJ is a student member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) and the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS).

Because we're an open, personal bunch here, I want to share what I love about CJ and working with him, and why I think he'll be such a fantastic asset to our organization. CJ is not only intensely passionate about sex education, but about the kind of sex education we like to provide: inclusive, holistic, forward-thinking and humanistic. His idea of sex education is our idea of sex education. He's a strongly active and enthusiastic supporter of Scarleteen: CJ thinks the aims, goals and approach of Scarleteen are as great as I and millions of our users think they are. CJ implicitly understands that sexuality education should involve risk-management and issues of sexual and reproductive health, but that it also needs to equally address identity, pleasure and emotional and interpersonal well-being. CJ cares deeply about young people and other marginalized populations, and is a big-picture thinker; creative, energetic and deeply compassionate. He's got an overdeveloped sense of humor, which is a serious job requirement here. CJ also seems to understand my own creative process (which is amazing, since I'm not sure I understand it myself). Like myself, CJ never runs out of things to say or do.

CJ asks a lot of questions: with anything we have worked on together in the past couple of years, the level of discussion around articles or answers has been sophisticated and insightful. While in many ways we think similarly, CJ always has something to bring to the table I either wouldn't have thought about at all, or wouldn't have seen that way. Like myself, CJ is queer, feminist, progressive in his politics and has a longtime dedication to providing sex education. CJ brings a strong first-person understanding of the needs of trans people, younger people, access to certain kinds of healthcare and models of providing that care as well as organizational operations. I find the differences CJ brings to this partnership personally, intellectually and professionally a fantastic balance to my own personality, history and ethos.

Additionally, whereas I'm now on the west coast, CJ is on the east coast. This will allow us to do wider in-person lecturing, teaching-the-teacher/educator trainings and other outreach than we have been able to do in the past.

For the first couple of years I ran Scarleteen, I didn't get paid at all. What that meant was that I couldn't do Scarleteen full-time, but as time and my own resources allowed. This position will run much in the same way: CJ will only be working around 10 hours a week to start, as at this time, that is the most our budget can handle. We will, however, be applying for several grants this year, and our appeals to grantors will include funding for staffing. Ideally, to have Scarleteen run as well and efficiently as possible, the assistant director should be a full-time position, and my own position should not have to exceed the 40 hours a week it always does. That is one of our current long-term goals.

So, I'm also doing a bit of a fundraising nudge to help support this new position and CJ. My hope is that between grants and private donations we can eventually get to the point where CJs position is full-time and where both of us can make a living wage running the organization as a team. Two people managing an organization that serves just shy of a million young people each month is no less amazing in my book than one person doing it, but to do our best, we need to have our organization become better and more consistently financially supported.

Last year's fundraising went very well, which is why I can offer this position to CJ at all. If you didn't give last year, or did but can give again now, I'd very much appreciate your support, especially at this exciting turning point. If you'd like information on creating a private grant, either to help with staff salaries or to specifically fund certain content, please email me and I'd love to talk with you about that.

Heather Corinna
Founder & Executive Director, Scarleteen.com
Director, CONNECT sex education outreach, Washington


Birthmotherhood

When I gave birth, options were discussed with me regarding what to do about the baby. For me, there seemed no choice but adoption. I was now 17. The thought of raising a child was an impossibility. I wanted to finish high school. I wanted to go to college. I wanted to have fun. I wanted to hang out with my friends. I just wanted to continue to be a teenager.

Spotlight on Scarleteen: In Your Own Words

Submitted by Lena on Thu, 2009-07-16 03:26

This Spotlight on Scarleteen blog entry focuses on a very special section of Scarleteen's main site: In Your Own Words features real, honest-to-goodness first-person narratives written for you, by you, on a range of sex and sexuality-related topics from A(bortion) to Z(aftig celebration.) Even if you have already seen this section before, it's worth stopping by again as new articles and perspectives are added regularly!

Here's a sampling of our current offerings, grouped by topic for your convenience! However, at this point we have 28-and-counting unique accounts by individual users, volunteers, and people on the 'net much like yourself.

Sexuality and Sex-Related Issues

It's Between God and Me
So sure she'd "wait until marriage" for sex growing up, swgal found herself at odds with this aspect of her Christian upbringing once she had entered college. She shares how her spiritual and sexual journey intersect. At times they seems to clash or crash but ultimately she finds a way to take the Path Less Traveled and peace with both.

First-Time Intercourse: It Was...Good?
If there were a Scout badge for Being Prepared for Your First Sexual Experiences, halfwish would totally get it, hands-down. She shares her positive experiences with First Time Intercourse, before, during and after. She and her cool boyfriend J. occupy the starring roles, while her informative GP and accepting mum take on supporting ones. This piece, along with our Sex Readiness Checklist, make for two "must-read" articles for people actively anticipating new sexual experiences.

Me & HSV
For many people, the initial diagnosis of an STI like herpes or genital warts can feel like a cataclysmic event. However, these STIs need not be a rain cloud over your sex life; while these very common viruses cannot be cured, with education and understanding these viruses can be well-managed. And, as author Kat Giordano so awesomely points out, life with herpes truly can be as great as those cheesy Valtrex commercials lead us to believe!

Body Image and Acceptance

Frankenboobs
One day you wake up to find yourself with two very differently sized breasts... this may sound like like fodder for a science fiction flick but it was reality for author Audra Williams. Read about how she came to terms with them. Hint: It may be different than what you expect.

Hair, There and Everywhere
Scarleteen has a message board policy of not dispensing advice on shaving because we think body hair is just fine and what you do with it is a personal decision. However, we no longer live in an era like the 70s where a chest full of hair on men was considered desirable by many. Nicole is female and doesn't harbor any wishes for a 70s hair comeback, but she would like to accept that a beautiful head of hair doesn't usually just stop there.

My Body & Me"
Mortality shares her story about developing and dealing with an eating disorder. Because while disorders like anorexia and bulimia may appear to be about food intake, what's eating people is really so much more complicated. Find about her road to recovery and how she now happily can wear a miniskirt out clubbing.

Coming Soon

More In Your Own Words synopses coming soon on the topics of Rape, Abuse and Injury; Pregnancy, Parenting, and Abortion; and Activism and Empowerment.

Speak Up!

...and if reading about other people's experiences has inspired you to share an anecdote from your life, we invite you to do so here Scarleteen by clicking on the following: In Your Own Words: How to Speak Up! It can be something new that you write on the spot or an old piece you published on your blog or in your paper journal. We look forward to hearing from you!

--------------------------------------------------------

What is Spotlight on Scarleteen? Find out more by clicking here.


Question Authority! Get a Second Opinion (from a Doctor or Dentist)

Submitted by Lena on Sun, 2009-05-03 10:28

This is about a recent scare of mine at the dentist or how a misdiagnosis almost cost me hundreds of dollars and unnecessary pain and surgery. However, before I talk about that specific experience, I'd like to share my back story.

How I love thee, dentists of the world!?! Let me count the ways.


Say Yes, Yes, YES to Safer Sex and Win Body Shop Goodies!

Submitted by Heather Corinna on Wed, 2009-04-15 16:24

MTV's Staying Alive Foundation and The Body Shop have joined forces for a newcampaign to help educate younger people about safer sex practices and how to prevent the spread of HIV. And The Body Shop would like to offer a Scarleteen reader a little something special to celebrate!

So, here's the deal:


So Much More Than Just One Night

I was very excited that he was finally coming home, I just never realized it would end up like this.

Please notify us of any offensive or inappropriate ads