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Sex And Disability: Starting the Conversation, Finding the Resources

Here at Scarleteen we view being a sexual person and having a disability, or two or three, as just as normal as any other human variation.

We also know, though, that there isn’t a lot of disability-positive material out there, and even less material related to sex ed.

As an educator and advocate of healthy sexuality, who also has some disabilities, I think it’s pretty important for people to have accurate information, but also to see themselves and their experiences included in the conversations we have about sexuality.

We get a lot of negative, or vague messages about sex, and people with disabilities often get left out of the conversation completely. Both topics—sexuality and disability—have loads of social and psychological complexities around them. So, I’ve put together a list of resources that put people with various kinds of disabilities smack dab back in the middle of the conversation.

You’ll notice that a lot of the information is the same as the standard material on sex

Read more...

Trans Boyfriend, Uncomfortable Girlfriend

Sarah H asks:

My boyfriend is transexual and often likes to express it. I'm completely fine with this kind of lifestyle but I find myself becoming nervous/distant when he brings it up too much. How should I become more comfortable with it?

The Rules of Ooohs and Ahhhs (Hint: there aren't any)

Ohhhyess asks:

I think that I am on my way to being ready to have sex with my boyfriend but I am just worried about the whole moaning thing...during masturbation I sometimes moan, but mostly keep it quiet. Are you supposed to moan when having sex? If so, is there a technique to what you are saying or do you just do it?

I grew up told sex like I just had was absolutely off-limits: what now?

smf asks:

Hey! I'm 19, and from a very conservative background-Republic, Christian, the whole shebang. I'm a freshman at a pretty liberal college now, and I admit that I've gone the tiniest bit nuts with my newfound freedom. Before coming to college, I'd only made out with three guys - all of whom were Christian, all of whom I was dating at the time. But last weekend, I went home with a guy I didn't know, and I gave him a blow job and he fingered me. I was very adamant about NOT having sex, because I know I want that to be with someone I love.

I'm feeling pretty guilty now, though. Everyone would be so disappointed back home, because it was made clear to me that EVERYTHING is off limits till marriage. It felt great at the time, but do you think it's bad because I didn't know him at all?

I might be bi, and am not sure this is forever: is it wrong to have sex with her?

Maverick18 asks:

I'm a 17 year old male currently involved in a relationship of four months. I'm a virgin, and I am also "questioning" about my sexuality, but my girlfriend is unaware. There was a time when I would consider myself bisexual, because I am attracted, physically, to males but not emotionally, but I'm still not entirely sure that I am bisexual. My girlfriend is much more experienced than I am when it comes to sex, but she has never gone "all the way" and she wants to do this for the first time with me. I want to really bad as well, and we plan to soon, but I can't shake the feeling that I will be doing something wrong if I have sex with her and I'm still not fully comfortable or aware of my sexual orientation, or that I want to be in this relationship forever. I would however like to lose my virginity for the first time with her. Would it be wrong if I am still considering myself questioning and we still went all the way?

I'm scared to touch my own vagina: why?

birthdaycake123 asks:

Hey. I'm 14 and I've never fingered myself. I've done other things, but the thought of fingering myself just seems gross. A couple times, I've tried to, but then I get to thinking about how gross vaginas are, and I chicken out. I know this is irrational, but do you have any advice on getting over this? Thanks.

The Native Youth Sexual Health Network (NYSHN)

An organization by and for Indigenous youth that works within the full spectrum of sexual and reproductive health, rights, and justice across the United States and Canada.

I'm asexual, but my partner wants to have sex: should I just compromise and do it?

Nehremi asks:

I'm Asexual and currently engaged in a romantic relationship with a woman. She really wants to have sex, I'm not really into it. We've done other things I really like, like making out and heaving petting. How do I tell her that I don't want to sleep with her without making her feel inferior, undesirable and bad about herself? I'm scared to hurt her. Should I just compromise and sleep with her?

Does sex have to involve penetration? The idea of it makes me totally sick.

whydoihavetohaveanaccount asks:

Okay so I'm pretty sure I'm lesbian and the reason for this is that when I read something naughty straight stuff makes me sick. When I read lesbian erotica I like it... until they start penetrating each other, but everything else excites me and I know I want to have sex. If you are having sex with a girl does there have to be penetration? Is it unusual to not want it? I mean just the thought of it makes me sick.

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.