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first time

I'm 13, and want to have sex: will it hurt?

Jamie asks:

I really want to have sex for the first time. But I am only thirteen. I know vaguely what to do and I know to use protection. But I was talking to my 17-year-old cousin (who has had sex before) if it hurt his girlfriend the first time. And he had said that she was screaming and she felt as if she wanted to die. This information scared me a little too much for comfort. I would like to know if it will hurt as much as he said it will or if he was just exaggerating. Thank you so much.

How one goes about learning to share their sexuality with another person?

Anonymous asks:

I was wondering how one goes about learning to share their sexuality with another person? I'm 21 and a virgin (older virgins do exist!) for personal and religious reasons. My relationships thus far have consisted primarily of a series of bad first dates... until recently, that is. 3 weeks ago I met a 31 year old man who has opened my eyes to so many things. We get along great, he makes me laugh and appreciates me for who I am.

I have told him I am waiting for marriage to have sex, and he thinks that's great. We have decided to do other stuff, and he has been really good about letting me take the lead, talking about what we're doing and sharing his feelings and experiences. However, for a lot of things he is looking to me for guidance (how to touch me, kiss me, etc.) and I really don't know what to tell him. I've masturbated for 10 years, and have never had a problem having fun by myself, but with another person it is totally different.

There are a number of aspects to it- having another person in my 'personal space', experiencing for the first time what I've been fantasizing about for years (and the reality is quite different!), being nervous, wanting to pleasure him, how to communicate in bed etc. Since I met him, I have been having a hard time masturbating, too. All my fantasies are different.... I'm not sure how or where he fits in.

It's certainly exciting and fun to be discovering these things, but any advice you can give would be much appreciated. Thanks!

Fellatio Foibles

Ashlee asks:

Last night I gave my boyfriend a blow job. It was my first time doing that so I'm like 99% sure it was bad for him. I told him to try and help me cuz I had no idea what I was doing. So, he'd push my head down and I think I was "deep-throating" or something but I couldn't exactly breathe. What am I doing wrong?

And more with the popping of cherries.

Katie asks:

I am very confused about "popping my cherry". I have previously read that everyone has to have their cherry popped, but then again some say that there is no skin thing. If not, than why does it hurt when you have sex for the first time or why do you bleed?

I want to lose my virginity before I have sex.

sodapope asks:

I am a virgin, and I really want to lose it myself before I actually have sex because it is embarassing that I still have my virginity and i'm 18. But everytime that I masterbate or try to "pop my cherry" about like 3 inches into my vagina there is like a "sheet" of skin that is hard to push through, I am not sure if it is something you are supposed to push through, or it's my "cherry", I just don't want to hurt myself breaking something I am not supposed to.

How can I stay hard for our first time?

Jay asks:

I am a 21 year old guy and I am a virgin. So is my girlfriend. We wanted to wait until we were 21.

We were planing on having sex for the first time last week. The night we tried it, I was very aroused and hard right up until it was time for me to enter her. As soon as I was ready to go in, I lost my erection. Realizing that we couldn't complete the act, we gave each other manual orgasms. (As soon as that started, I got very erect again). Every time we try to have sex I have the same problem. I am hard right before, I can get hard right after, but not when it counts. What can I do to avoid this? Should I drink a little alcohol before to loosen up? Take pills? Any advice will be helpful.

Too big for me?

Bebe asks:

My boyfriend and I have been trying to have sex and it just doesn't work. I'm a virgin and he isn't. I think he's too big for me. Or is it the position? Any suggestions?

From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse

At least once every couple of days, someone posts or writes into Scarleteen reporting that vaginal entry -- usually intercourse or manual vaginal sex, and usually (but not always) with male partners -- is painful, uncomfortable, or unfulfilling for them. Whatever sort of vaginal entry we're talking about -- with fingers, a penis or a dildo, with partners of any gender -- not only doesn't have to be painful, it really shouldn't be. More than that, any kind of sex shouldn't be about a lack of pain, but about the presence of pleasure.

The Making of a Homo

I came out of the proverbial closet when I was 15, in high school, and in the student newspaper. A sophomore had decided to print an editorial about the moral degradations of homosexuality, stating that God created Adam and Eve, "not Adam and Steve." I was so enraged by this sophomoric (literally) editorial that I sent a letter to the editor responding on behalf of the gay community, which was published, and which publicly announced my sexual orientation for all the student body to read.

Is THAT All There Is?

A candid memoir of first-time intercourse from the founder of Scarleteen.

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Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.