When breakups do happen, as they almost inevitably will, they are rarely painless. Guys in particular are often surprised by how badly the end of a relationship can hurt, and are particularly vulnerable to feeling isolated, lonely, and without anyone to turn to to process through that pain.
According to a recent pyschological study at the University of California - Los Angeles, keeping a journal or diary to express your feelings and experiences helps your brain cope with emotional challenges and, ultimately, make you happier. Apparently, the physical and mental act of working out our experiences on paper, be those memories trying or terrific, reduces the activity in the part of our brains responsible for controlling emotional intensity.
From both our personal experiences of our own varied sex lives, and in our work in sexuality with many other people, it seems pretty clear that really letting someone into an internal space in your body, or going into someone else's insides -- which we know might sound a little gross, but that is what's going on with this stuff -- is a fairly big deal for many people. So, what might make sexual entry different from other sexual activities?
I've recently realized that I have some deep seated negative thoughts about sex. I feel that it's dirty, wrong and I'm bad if I have sex or use sex toys. I've always had some pain when I've had sex but I thought it was because I was nervous that it would hurt, so I would clench and it would cause pain. But I just got my first vibrator and I couldn't use it because I was clenching so hard that it hurt to use it. I realized that it's not that I'm scared of the pain, it’s that deep down I have the belief that if you have sex, or use sex toys, that you're a bad person and that it's not normal. I know that this is untrue, but it’s impacting my sex life enormously. How do I overcome my irrational fears?
I had a surgical abortion at 10 weeks in February. Besides the abortion, I have never been to an OB-GYN, but because I am getting married in May, I would like to go soon. Since it is likely that I will move and never go back to this particular OB-GYN, is it necessary that I tell her about my abortion? Will she be able to tell during the examination? I've read that the cervical opening looks more like a slit than a circle after it has been fully dilated, but I doubt I was fully dilated for the procedure. I don't want to lie or be tricky, and I know it is best to tell a doctor everything about your medical history, but since this will likely be a one-time visit with a doctor I know very little about (ex. pro-life or pro-choice), I would really prefer to avoid the topic if at all possible. Thanks!
I have no reservations when I have casual sex. However when one of these flings turns into a relationship and things get serious I don't want to have sex with them anymore. It has happened with my last three boyfriends and has been the primary reason for my breakups. It feels like a normal relationship...we are best friends, we do almost everything together, I care about him tremendously, but I get scared when he wants to have sex. Why can I only have emotionally detached sex?
I am a virgin, and single. In my state of singularity, I have had a lot of time to think, particularly because my friends are starting to want to go all the way with their partners. My biggest fear, as is probably common, is being rejected or hurt physically, emotionally, or both. Some say that it hurts the first time you have sex, and I was wondering as to the extent of that pain, and if it continues after you have had sex for the first time?
My second question is about pubic hair. I overheard some guys talking and they were crudely exchanging notes on their preferences on that subject and it had me worried. If not au naturale then what? For that matter, are the bare basics even acceptable>? And if not how do you go about shaping things up down there?
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