Hello. I’m feeling very lost lately and need some help. I am 20 and got my bachelors degree in economics in the fall. I really want to be a make-up artist though and went to night school while at college and have a qualification and a small portfolio. I am now living back home in a real small town where I can’t even find a part-time job and I have no car to travel out of town to work. My dad won’t help me out and I spent hundreds of dollars on lessons but he won’t let me behind the wheel or even let me pay for insurance on his car. So I send my portfolio out but rarely get any work and if I do it’s unpaid! I stay in bed until noon and feel like such an embarrassment to my folks. I then get up to eat and pretty much go back to bed. All I want to do is snuggle up to my pillow where I feel warm and safe (almost loved as strange as it sounds) and cry.
I am a shy girl and find it hard to make friends, when I do I can’t keep them. I can’t understand why they’d find me interesting and won’t agree to go out partying in case I’d be a bore so my college friends all drifted away and I’m not in contact with anyone I went to high school with. I am alone with my folks in the house and never have anyone my own age to socialize with. Couple that with my shyness and I’m lonely. I’ve also never had a boyfriend for the same reasons, although no boy ever hit on me either so the opportunity never arose. I would love to have sex and find myself thinking about it all the time and masturbating twice a day, I’d also just love some affection/cuddles or to have someone to talk to.
This is an odd question, and I really hope I don't disturb anyone here, it's not my intention. Anyway, I'm 16, and I've been raped, about a month ago. I'm kinda going nuts here, it's being sorted out legally. I'm not pregnant, I don't have any infections, and the guy's arrested, and I could really care less about the incident, except it's really stuck in my head. I guess this isn't sexual... but, it sort of of is, so I decided to pose it here. I have dreams about my rape, every night I can remember dreaming. It's really starting to mess with my brain, and I've broken down crying more than once, which is bringing me close to insanity in its own sense.
Am I going to need therapy, or some skitzo drugs, or something? I really don't want to be crazy over this, I just want to move on, get past High School, and get a life. I talked to my dad about it, and he said his dad had something similar, like a severe form of PTSD after he got back from serving in Vietnam (or Korea, I forget... We were talking about -my- insanity, sorry, I forget). Said his dad had flashbacks sometimes, which I guess would qualify for these dreams. I know you guys aren't psychiatrists, so I won't bore you with the specifics; it's just like a replay of the rape, over and over. Sometimes a few things are different, sometimes I'm watching it happen, sometimes it's just how it happened.
Am I insane, or unstable, or just having nightmares? Sorry if this is the wrong place to ask it, but a friend of mine said the help here was really cool, but I mean, I don't know if you guys do stuff past pregnancy scares and diseases all that. -- Abba