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I grew up told sex like I just had was absolutely off-limits: what now?

smf asks:

Hey! I'm 19, and from a very conservative background-Republic, Christian, the whole shebang. I'm a freshman at a pretty liberal college now, and I admit that I've gone the tiniest bit nuts with my newfound freedom. Before coming to college, I'd only made out with three guys - all of whom were Christian, all of whom I was dating at the time. But last weekend, I went home with a guy I didn't know, and I gave him a blow job and he fingered me. I was very adamant about NOT having sex, because I know I want that to be with someone I love.

I'm feeling pretty guilty now, though. Everyone would be so disappointed back home, because it was made clear to me that EVERYTHING is off limits till marriage. It felt great at the time, but do you think it's bad because I didn't know him at all?

Sometimes, knowing is the whole battle.

This is a guest post from Dances With Engines as part of the month-long blogathon to help support Scarleteen!

I was hoping to make a post for the Scarleteen Blogathon that was pleasant and sweet and that would inspire people to make donations, and to do it without touching on my personal experiences. But there’s no way for me to make a post about sex and sex education without digging at old wounds. Isn’t that part of the new paradigm, anyway, where personal experience has authority?

Scarleteen is written for young people of all sexes and genders. That they manage to do so with so much consistency and dependability is amazing to me. As I become more conscious of my own binary and oppositional language (men do this, women do that, and only men and women), I get more impressed with Scarleteen.

When I recommend websites to my daughter, or to friends with growing children, I am always questioning—is the language and mission of this site going to be inclusive? Is anyone going to be left f

Read more...

My sex life is great, so why do I feel so guilty?

Lucy asks:

Hi there! I really love your website, it has helped me a lot since I have began to experiment with partnered sex very recently (I had my first intercourse a month ago). I enjoy sex very much, and I'm really concerned about being protected when practicing it. And also, I have a very caring and loving boyfriend, who always listen to my needs and looks for my well-being during the act. So, what's the issue around here?
Well, after sex I've been feeling kind of...empty. I do love my boyfriend, he loves me, and sex is great, but I feel very depressed afterwards. I've never experienced this kind of feelings; I believe I'm very open when it comes to what I feel, and also to sexuality itself, so I'm geting a little bit afraid of this. I come from a very conservative family, that hardly ever discusses sex. So, I'm wondering, Am I repressed? If so, How can I open up to my family, without making a scandal? I believe this would help me a lot to end with this weird guilty feeling. So, any suggestions?
Thank you very much!!!
Lucy

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