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Hooking Up Can Be Awkward - Until It's Great

Hello! I’ve been a big fan of Scarleteen for a while now. I’ll be fully honest: I love Scarleteen!

So, it’s truly an honor, thrill, and excitement to get to call Scarleteen a new home for my writing. Hey, they say home is where the heart is! While here, I’ll be mostly writing about that magnificent phenomenon we call consent. And I can’t wait to share with, hear from, and learn with you!

In my experience, getting to the heart of consent has usually involved paying close attention to detail. For example, I host consent workshops professionally, and at one point during past workshops, when the audience is generally settled and feeling comfortable opening up, I have asked, “Who here has ever had something silly and awkward happen during a hookup? Even slightly awkward.” (When I say hooking up, I'm referring to sexual activity.) Hands have shot straight up and we all ended up getting a good laugh out of it. It just goes to show how awkward connecting with sex can be, whether you're in be

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How to See Coercion Clearly Through Love Glasses

helovesme31 asks:

I have a boyfriend been dating for about a year next week. We are deeply and truly in love even though we're not even 16. People say you can't really be in love at our age, but I believe you can be. Recently, I said no to sex, so I guess I pushed all the wrong buttons and this is what he said:

"I'm so [f-word]ing tired, I don't want to climb a ladder. I just want you but I can't [f-word] you and I have no weed any more, and [f-word] why do we need to [f-word]ing wait? I feel like I'm 12. I'm a [f-word]ing caged lion. I mean, I'm just angry, you know I haven't had sex in a [f-word]ing year and I'm so horny! [F-word]!"

What Makes Someone Good in Bed?

veganpop asks:

I'm confused as to how a girl can be "good" in bed in a heterosexual relationship? What does it mean to be good at sex?

Whoa, There! How to Slow Down When You're Moving Too Fast

Is your sex life or sexual relationship feeling like someone pressed the fast-forward button and now it's spinning out of control? Evaluate whether things are moving too fast for you or a partner, and then get some help on pulling back the reins and slowing things down to a more comfortable pace.

As a sexual abuse survivor, can I only connect to people sexually?

LOVE22 asks:

I was sexually abused, so I was wondering will I only want to find someone who I'm going to stay with for sex?

How can I keep from getting upset when he ignores my no?

Elizabeth1 asks:

I'm 15 and my bf told me about a week ago that he thought I should be loosing my virginity and a few days ago I did. I was ok with this and only said once that if it was ok with him I'd like to stop (the way he was looking at me was creeping me out), but it wasn't ok with him so he kept going. Afterwards I really creeped out and for some reason I started crying all over the place, which I can't explain. He doesn't get this either and got really upset about it. I wanna make things back up with him so I've said that we can try again and that I wont react so badly. Is there anyway I can calm down enough so that I don't upset him again by freakin out? Hope you can help xxx

Where do I even get started in educating myself about sex?

aguynamedrourke asks:

I'm a 19-year-old virgin and I don't know enough about sex, period. I went to Catholic and Christian schools with terrible sex-ed classes (I learned the basic biology but virtually nothing about actual sex, condoms, safe sex, or anything like that). I looked at your list of books to read and I've browsed through the questions, but I still don't know where to start. I know a lot about gender but very little about sex. What kinds of books should this straight pro-feminist college freshman read?

What if I never want or feel ready for sex?

Anonymous asks:

Okay, well here is the thing: I'm a girl and I'm so afraid to be in a relationship for too long, because I think that I'm going to have to have sex. I know that my boyfriend right now wants it, but I really don't. He says he'll wait for me, but I'm still scared. I don't think that I will ever be ready to do it, and so I'm worried. What if I am NEVER ready?!

How can I talk about sex without pressuring her?

DaltonTopiary asks:

I'm 17. I love my girlfriend. Really. Real love. Love as in "I want to marry you. I want to respect you. I want to commit my life to you." We brought up the topic of sex a few months ago, but it didn't go any farther than "How do you feel about it?" From that little talk we concluded that it was something we both wanted to do.

That was nearly three months ago and I want to talk about it. Nothing dirty or anything, I just want to know how important (or how un-important) it is to her. I want to know that she wants to have sex with me because she loves me, not because she feels she has to. The problem is...I don't know what to say or what to do to bring it up to her. I fear she might think that I'm trying to tell her that I am waiting and begging for sex, which I am not. I'll wait for her forever. Any advice?

I'm into my friend and want to fool around with her, but will she do it?

Samuel F. asks:

I'm 15, and I have a close female friend of the same age with D-cup bra size and very good looks all-around. She hasn't shown much visible interest in sexuality, but we haven't talked very much about it at all. I've been wanting to see if she'd want to fool around. Is that really way too much for friendship or could I somehow get her to do it willingly?

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