consent

What I'm not hearing in this is what you want. You tell me he's been touching your body more and more, but you didn't say anything about if that's something you want and have been enjoying. I hear the things he's been saying, but I don't know what you've been communicating to him yourself. The...

You did nothing wrong. The idea someone "asks for" something they don't want, something that they experience as a violation, is a trope that I wish would go the way of the dodo bird. Understand, I'm not upset with you for saying that; I'm upset with the culture that sends messages that make you...

Some helps and walkthroughs to create your own toolboxes and hone your skills based on Risky Business: Learning to Consider Risk and Make Sound Sexual Choices. My Core Inventory/Ground Zero/Manifesto for Sexual/Intimate Choices: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. If you feel stuck, it might help to cover one bare basic...

Choices about sex and intimacy will always involve some risks, and making sound choices when risks, emotions and social high stakes are involved isn't something anyone is magically expert at. How can we learn to do it well, and what are some common things that trip us up?

Life has scripts. Little socially-agreed plays that we enact rather than trying to figure out all our interactions from scratch every time. Many of them are very simple. There's also scripts for sex. Unfortunately, the most common script out there is terrible.

If cunnilingus isn't an activity he enjoys, and he's made clear he doesn't enjoy it and doesn't want to do it, in my book you don't bring it up again as something you want. He's made clear it's just not for him right now, and he tried it twice to see. He knows you're interested in it, so he's...

Based on everything I know and have learned working in sex and relationships for many years, people don't tend to have or sustain healthy relationships when they do big things for or with partners they don't also want to do and feel good about themselves. Taking out the garbage, doing the dishes...

The only sound way we can tell if someone has or hasn't already had any kind of sex is by asking them and accepting their answer. Obviously, sometimes some kinds of sex can result in certain outcomes, like pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections, which can also tell us if someone has engaged in...

Lube can do some great things, it's true. But you know what it can't do? It can't turn a lousy partner into a good one. It also can't take pain away that's being caused by a partner being a jerk. I'm so very sorry to hear about how your boyfriend treated you. But this isn't about your body being a...

We've been receiving and answering a lot of questions like yours lately, but I think it's really important to keep talking about if people keep asking. Because we keep hearing girls asking questions like this about guys, it seems clear there are a lot of people who aren't getting some things we...