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Be Your Own Superhero: Learning How and When to Stand Up for Ourselves

Feel like being able to clearly set boundaries, stick to them, and assert yourself must require superpowers? Nope! You've already got all the goods: here's how to develop and use them!

Words Mean Things. Specific things.

Just a brief request from us to the world-at-large, primarily with the aim of making our users lives a little easier. Secondarily, it'd also make the lives of those of us who work to help them daily in these areas easier, too, which would sure be nice.

Please do us and everyone else a favor and stop using certain words with very specific meanings as general shorthand.

Often some of these words and frameworks just really aren't shorthand for what you mean, and they confuse the heck out of people and make something even less clear that's already confusing enough. We do have clear, specific language we can use for many of the things people tend to use vague language or shorthand for, and when it comes to something as complex as sexuality and sexual and reproductive health, it really helps people out most when we use the right words to express what we mean.

In other words, this isn't about us or others being nitpicky jerks about semantics. Rather, it's us -- and usually others when they a






Intimacy: The Whys, Hows, How-Nots, and So-Nots

Healthy intimacy is about intentionally sharing private or vulnerable parts of our hearts, minds, bodies or lives with each other. Why would we do that, how can we do that, and what is and isn't healthy with intimacy?

Yay, I'm Bisexual! How Can I Block Out All the Negative Messages & Stereotypes I Hear About It?

bifabulous asks:

I recently acknowledged to myself that I've liked girls as well as boys for a while now. I often find myself frustrated when people assume that my romantic interests in other women "don't matter" because women get romantic feelings for each other all the time, that girls don't count when it comes to sex and kissing, that because I say I'm bisexual I'm secretly straight and will end up with a guy in the end. I'm afraid of being fetishized. I hear men laughing about how hot Asian women are, how much they'd want a threesome with lesbian Asian women, and it just makes me so angry that I don't know what to do. I want my love to be for me, and I want other people -- my peers, family, friends -- to recognize and respect that, but I know that I live in an imperfect world where the ideal isn't always reality. I don't want to be a angry, bitter person all the time. How can I make sure that the relationships I pursue are for me and my partner only, when I feel frustrated by all the stereotypes that surround bisexual women, particularly Asian women and their supposedly submissive nature?

How Can I Navigate a Sexual Relationship in a Dorm Without Alarming My Neighbors?

MissBear asks:

I'm almost 18 years old and I've been in a very happy, healthy relationship with a boy my same age. For the past year, we've been experimenting with spanking - it has been a fantasy of mine for my whole life. We've taken things slow, with lots of communication before and after we try new things, and all the necessary safety measures. This has been a wonderful addition to our relationship, for both of us. But next year, we'll both be going off to college. If we stay together, I'm worried about how to conduct that part of our relationship in a college setting, where dorm rooms are close together and walls are thin. It's not a very quiet activity, and I'm worried about people overhearing and misreading the situation. However, I also don't want to go without it for the next 4 years! Do you have any advice?

Recovering from Sexual Shame

123throwme asks:

When I was younger, I was caught "experimenting" with oral sex by my parents. They reprimanded me severely. Ever since then I've had a hard time coming to terms with my sexuality. It took me a long time to get over my feelings of how "sex is bad," but now I'm in a healthy, sexually active relationship. My problem is that, although I want to be intimate with my boyfriend, there's a part of me that still feels the shame of my younger self. It's led to me being uncomfortable with myself, and especially uncomfortable with oral sex (giving, but mostly just receiving). My sex life is fine, but I can tell that my partner doesn't really understand where I'm coming from. I haven't told him any of this, and I'd rather not. What can I do to get over this feeling?

I Feel Guilty for Wanting Sex

weelittlehedgie asks:

I've been wanting sex again with my partner for a long time but I'm having problems. Because of our age gap I'm sort of the stereotypical hormone-raging teenager. I feel guilty for thinking about having sex so often and bothering my partner by trying to initiate sex. I feel uncomfortable even thinking about trying to talk about sex and express my need for it more often unless it's after we've had sex. The past few times we've tried to have sex, my partner's sleeping medication has made them tired before I believe either of us are satisfied. And when I really really want to have sex it is either on a school night (which we previously agreed was off-limits for sex) or there's a friend sleeping in the same room. It's making me frustrated. I don't know how to bring it up because I feel guilty and needy or that I might be cornering them into decisions they're not comfortable with. What am I supposed to do that won't have me constantly apologizing?

I like fantasizing about it: would I like it for real?

Prozac4490 asks:

I like to fantasize about being spanked when I masturbate, and I'm wondering if I would like it in real life sex play, too. Trouble is, I'm a little nervous about the idea of actually trying it out, and I'm too embarrassed to ask my boyfriend if he'd be cool with that! What should I do?

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