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communication

How do I talk to my friend with benefits about safer sex issues?

Ashleigh asks:

I have a friends with benefits relationship. I was on the pill before we started this relationship and I had a STD test which was negative. When we got together we used condoms a few times and then we got in the habit of not using a condom. I haven't been with anyone else since I was with him, but he may have. I don't know how to ask him if he uses a condom if he is with another girl or if he has ever been tested. Do you have any ideas I can bring this up in a not nosy sounding or not an accusing way? I just want be safe and I want him to be too.

Two women, two partners, and four folks frustrated with intercourse.

frustrated asks:

My boyfriend and I have been going out for one year and have been sexually active for some time. Usually we have pretty good sex. But lately I've just been getting upset because I can never orgasm through intercourse. I know that's normal for girls but when I ask him to do other things, he usually doesn't want to. I almost always orgasm when he eats me out but he hardly ever does that and if he does it's never long enough. He wants to just move into having sex. I'm starting to feel like it's a chore for me and sex is just a way to get him off and then we're done. But I want to feel pleasure too. I already love him and love being with him sexually but is there a way we can try to make me orgasm through vaginal intercourse? Or is there a way I can make it more comfortable for him to eat me out?

I've been faking, but I just don't want to tell him.

Anonymous asks:

I'm seventeen years old and have been sexually active with my boyfriend for the year that we have been together. I have faked orgasm almost every time we have had intercourse. I have read your site and read the dialogue you have provided on how to come clean about this form of dishonesty. However, I feel that at this point I am not sure the best thing to do is come clean. I would like your thoughts on what sort of dialogue I should be having with my boyfriend concerning different things we can do so that I can achieve orgasm, without hurting his feelings. Do you think it's healthy to not tell him at all and move on towards a healthier relationship?

Will hell freeze over before I reach orgasm?

Anonymous asks:

Hello, I have browsed your web page and didn't exactly find what I was looking for so I am wondering if you could answer my question. Yes, it is orgasm related. You see I have been sexually active for a long time. I am 17 and I have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years. He was a virgin when he met me but I wasn't.

The problem with me is: I have never had an orgasm. I know what you are going to say. "Not all women have an orgasm during intercourse." I get that, but I never had an orgasm during masturbation, or foreplay. Nothing. And now I am kind of pressuring myself to go. Well, not exactly pressuring myself, but in my mind I go: "Yes, right there, omg I am gonna come." When in truth, I am nowhere close. My brain might have just been sexually turned on to the max at that point, but I just don't go.

Is it possible my Chlamydia was not fully treated three years ago?

bri_t03 asks:

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and we have 2 children together. When I found out I was pregnant with our first child I also found out I had Chlamydia. I got treated and so did he. Just last week I got my yearly check up and I have Chlamydia again! I have been completely faithful to my boyfriend and he said he has been completely faithful to me. I do believe him! Is it possible either my boyfriend or I was not fully treated three years ago? How could I have gotten infected again?

Depression has sapped my libido: will it ruin my relationship?

Emma asks:

My boyfriend and I have been together for over two and a half years. We used to have sex a lot (meaning a couple times a week and seeing as we could only see each other on the weekends, that wasn't too shabby). However, I've been dealing with a lot of depression and anxiety problems that have been making it hard for me to feel like having sex. This has been going on for a couple months and in that time we've had sex twice. I miss being with him and I know he misses it too. I don't want this to tear us apart. He's been there for me through all of these mental health problems and is definitely there for me during this rough sexual patch but I want that old spark back. What should I do?

How can I stop being afraid to touch him because I don't know what the heck I'm doing?

jediskye asks:

Hi, I am 19 years old, and I've been with my boyfriend for about two months now. He's my first proper relationship and I was also a virgin before I had sex with him. My problem is that I am too shy to initiate sex, and I am almost at the point of tearing my hair out because I am getting so frustrated about it. I am comfortable around him, and I love having sex with him, but I just can't bring myself to touch him, every time I'm about to touch him there I stop and wonder whether he'll enjoy it.

He is way more experienced than me, and I have never stroked a guy's penis before or given them a blowjob. I just don't want him to feel nothing when I'm touching him. Is there any way I can overcome this? And could you give me some tips on how I could turn him on without feeling like an idiot?

When do I have sex if I want a guy to stick around?

Anonymous asks:

I am 22 and was the kinda girl that always had a boyfriend, all through junior high and high school and moved in with my h.s. sweetheart. I have become single for the last year and truly enjoy it. I rarely engage in intercourse (major STD fears) but do enjoy some PG13 action. I date very often and like to try and keep it all very old fashioned. It's not a rule I've made but I don't kiss on the first date and keep 'em wanting more till at least the 4th date when they finally get a lil makeout. I was casually dating a guy for about a month and felt he was really into me. I wanted to have sex so we did and now he is MIA. My girlfriend said thats what will always happen, they'll stick around til you put out than they peace out. 2 of my guy friends said they like a lil chase but if after a month of hot dates they still don't get any action at all they move on to the next. So when do I put out? To wait or not! I know theres no general rule or cookie cutter answer here but I would like all of your personal opinions. People say just wait til the time is right but c'mon... I'm not 16 and the time is always past due and very right. Thank you for the advice as well as this excellent site! Keep up the good work!

He only wants sex with me after watching pornography.

Maggie asks:

My question is my husband watches other girls get off on cam. I don't like it and he has been told but he still does it. He doesn't seem interested in me until after he has watched them. He pays no attention to me and when he is in the mood it's like after he's watched the other girls and I feel like I have to give it to him because I feel I have to. I guess it's fear of him going out and getting it from someone in person rather then me but I am tired of feeling like I have to and I'm tired of being put on the back burner. I need help as to what to do or how to deal with this.

Older boyfriend wants to add a second male partner: what do I do?

Anonymous asks:

I am 14 years old and my boyfriend is 18. We have not had vaginal intercourse yet but we have anal sex regularly. Recently he has told me that he wants to add another partner into our anal sex. I said that I was fine with it (assuming that he wanted another woman to join) but then he told me he wanted a man. I'm sort of uncomfortable about it. Does this mean he is gay? What should I tell him?

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