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communication

I'm worried that partnered sex won't be as good as masturbation!

rose789 asks:

I have a question about the way I masturbate: it feels best when I am rubbing myself light and fast through a layer of clothing, like underwear or something, and tightening my inside muscles at the same time. I can orgasm easily like this, and have multiple orgasms if I keep going. I haven't yet had sex that isn't just me and myself, but I feel ready to do more physical things with my boyfriend, except I am worried that him touching me won't feel like it does when I masturbate. It feels really different when I touch my clitoris with bare fingers, not really good at all. Am I too sensitive? What is going on? I don't want him to feel bad about it. In fact I'd rather just not have sex with him at all if it won't be good for both of us. Please help, I am stressing out about this.

Putting the brakes on sex: How do I slow things down?

sofi52108 asks:

I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year now and I have been very sexually active with him but now I want to slow things down and wait until I'm ready for marriage. I want to start everything over and just be a normal teenager. He doesn't seem to have any problems with this and I talked to him about it already, but I feel like there are problems. Our relationship is actually getting better but now he is more horny around me all the time and it tempts me but I don't want to give in. I want to have sex too even more now that I told myself I can't. Are there any methods I can use to calm myself from sex or just things I can say to my boyfriend to tell him to realize I'm not comfortable with him being horny and it really bothers me?

Why do I feel so bad later when it feels so good at the time?

nikita asks:

I am a 23 year old female in a serious relationship for the first time. I knew my boyfriend for 3 months and have seeing him seriously for 4 months now. The two of us are clear on no sex before marriage, but are physically intimate. I love to kiss him and cuddle up with him. But, when it comes to touching each other sexually, it feels good at that moment, but later thinking about it all alone makes me feel so guilty and ashamed of letting go of myself that I start crying uncontrollably. Initially I assumed that this must be because I have never been physically intimate with anyone before, but even after 4 months this guilt has not subsided. I am not religious or anything, but I have always wanted to be intimate only after being sure of the guy. I do love my boyfriend and he's sensitive and everything. I haven't spoken to him about this since I don't want him to feel he violated me in any way. Is there a way for me to get over this?

Enjoyment and Ejaculation: Inside and Outside

tammyj asks:

Is it true that an orgasm is more enjoyable for a guy if it happens inside his partner? Even though I take the pill religiously, I've always been afraid to let my partners finish inside me. I have them pull out and ejaculate their sperm on my stomach instead. No one has ever complained but I hate to think I'm robbing my boyfriend of pleasure. Any truth to this?

Is something wrong with me because I like BDSM? Can I like it and still be a feminist?

alice42 asks:

For as long as I can remember, I have been turned on my imagining my own pain and humiliation. I am going out with someone for the first time now, and we've been together for almost eight months. Recently we've started experimenting with very mild SM-type things--tying each other up, biting, spanking. I love it, and so does he. But is this normal? Should I be worried that this turns me on more than anything else we've done together? Is there something wrong with me? (I've never been abused). And can I still be a feminist if I get off on being dominated by men?

He Can’t Orgasm … Is Diabetes to Blame?

Amber asks:

I just stumbled across your wonderful site totally by accident and am really hoping you will be able to help me with a problem which is keeping me awake at night. I’ve been sexually active since I was 16. Since then, all of my male sexual partners have ejaculated during sex, but my current boyfriend is having a problem. This is affecting our sex life as I feel I must be doing something wrong. He has tried to reassure me he often hasn't been able to orgasm in the past with other partners and that he enjoys sex with me nonetheless - that he doesn’t have to come to be satisfied. But I don't fully enjoy myself knowing that he won't reach orgasm; it doesn't seem fair.

I know you recently answered a question in the same vein but I think my query is different as he is diabetic. I have recently heard that diabetes can affect sex and am wondering if this is true. He doesn't seem aware of the connection and I don't want to mention it without getting the facts first. Please help me, I love him dearly and in all other aspects our relationship is fantastic...but it doesn't fell right for me to be getting all the sexual pleasure.

How to (Un)pack for a Real Discussion About Abortion

The murder of abortion provider Dr. George Tiller on May 31st has resulted in a lot of conversation about abortion. It’s a topic frequently hushed, or spoken about more around its politics than the actual procedure, the experience itself and the real women who have abortions. So this increased discussion is certainly something potentially positive happening because of something horribly tragic. More discussion around anything which is or may be treated as unspeakable is always a good thing.

However, often in these conversations and news stories, language is used that's confusing or inaccurate, and some statements are made about abortion or women who choose abortion which are false, unrepresentative or misleading. And any of this can come from either “side” of abortion debates or discussions, due to political aims or motivations, ideological ideas or agendas or just out of plain old ignorance. Just like a whole lot of people don't know the finer points of open-heart surgery, a lot of p

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I'm ready to go all the time but he never wants it...does that mean he is gay?

alluneedislove asks:

Later into our relationship my boyfriend and I (both 17) had a lot of disagreements over sex. He rarely was "in the mood" while I was often ready to go. When I talked to my friends, they just said he was gay for not wanting to do anything with me. Could there be some other reason why he doesn't want to do sexual things with me?

Is my boyfriend going off me, or is this about his friend's death?

kirsty asks:

Me and my boyfriend have been together 6 months. I'm 14 and he's 15, and we are sexually active. But lately he doesn't text me the same as he used to, I have to ask him for hugs and kisses whereas he used to give me them all of the time, and it seems that he's avoiding me. His friend died last week: I don't know if that's the reason, but I love him so much, I don't want to lose him. Is he going to dump me?

Infinite Love for Nick and Norah

I only rented Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist recently, so I know I'm behind the curve on this one. But I just had to say something.

I loved this movie. I loved it as a person just chilling out on her couch wanting to watch something good, and I loved it even more as someone who works with and for teenagers and young adults. When I looked up the director, I was unsurprised that I'd liked it so much. Peter Sollett also directed Raising Victor Vargas, which is one of the best, most honest and real coming-of-age films I've ever seen.

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