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STI Testing, Safer Sex Social How-Tos, Fresh Starts and a Bittervention

frenchiemathwhiz asks:

Heather: I have a question about STD testing, but it's together with a lot of other stuff, so I'm giving you some of the whole story.

My long-term boyfriend just broke up with me, seemingly out of the blue. We were together for several of the most tumultuous years of our lives—we dealt with so much stuff, I can't even describe it. We lived together, we lived apart, we did long-distance, we came back, we kept going. We stayed together through moves, parents condemning our relationship, changing universities, changing friends, changing careers. I feel really stupid being broken up about it; my personal philosophy has always been: no mourning over guys. Only stupid women do that. (Obviously there's some of my own internalized misogyny in there, but I'm also being practical. A woman mourning a man comes off as pathetic; a man mourning a women is soulful and sad. That's just the way it is.) But I did (bleech, sounds so gross) really trust him. I let him in my, like, inner circle of trust.

He just broke up with me because apparently he HAS to sleep with this other girl, and he couldn't even wait until he was going to see me in a few weeks. He started hanging out with this group of party guys and I kept saying it was changing him. He kept denying it—until it did. He just got his first job and then started freaking out: he started to get into drugs, to do all this stuff.

I think he'll dump me if I don't have sex with him. So, should I?

i.ate.the.cookie. asks:

I'm 13 and my boyfriend is 16. I'm a virgin but he isn't and I feel like if I don't have sex with him he is going to break up with me. Should we just have oral? Also, how can you tell if someone has already had sex?

You, Them and a U-Haul: Considering Cohabitation

Are you at a point in your life and relationship where you're considering moving in with a partner? We've got the scoop on some things to consider, talk through and get going in advance to be sure that if you make the move to shack up, it's a good one.

Bodaciously Bad Advice: Standardized Testing?

In Bodaciously Bad Advice, a new regularly updated feature at Scarleteen, I look at some of the dating advice articles from glamour magazines and around the web. I find that most of these advice articles are heterocentric and endorse many gender stereotypes, in addition to just being really crappy dating advice. In deconstructing the articles, I hope to help you, the reader, see them for what they really are and learn to apply these skills of critical observation and thinking to other areas.

Read more...

She's my first sexual partner: I love her, but should I only ever be with her?

Dan asks:

I'm 19 and have been with my girlfriend for almost three years, except a couple months break last year when I broke up with her for fear of commitment. She's a year younger than me, and prior to our relationship, she had done some oral sex and handjobs with two guys. I've never been sexually active with anyone other than her. We were both each other's first sexual intercourse partner. During our break apart last year, she had sex with another guy. Long story short, I love my girlfriend tons. I recently got a new job and we moved across the country together and now have an apartment. We're very happy together and have what I would consider a very healthy relationship.

In the back of my head, though, I am always jealous of her sexual history. She's been with 3 other guys, and I've never even seen another girl naked in person. I've seen figures that men typically have around 8 sexual partners in their lifetimes. I feel horrible for thinking this, but it really bothers me that if I stay with my girlfriend (which I want to -- I really feel that I could be with her forever), I'll never have sex with another girl, because I have my morals, and I could never cheat on anyone. I'm not even sure what I'm asking, but do you have any advice for guys (or girls) in my situation?

We just can't seem to play it safe.

Joe asks:

I found this website and I thought it was pretty open in its answers. I have been searching a lot for answers to my questions and most seem biased to individual opinions or not very clear at all. I am posting here because I feel I can find an objective and intelligent answer after reading a few Q's a A's.

First of all I am a 24 year old male. I have a gorgeous girlfriend I love dearly and is obviously the reason I need questions answered. We have been sexually active for a year but we have had a lot of issues involving safe sex. We have a lot of chemistry between us and we find it very hard to resist our sexuality. That doesn't mean we don't use protection, we use condoms a lot but not completely and thats where stress sets in. Most of the time we have around 1 to 2 minutes of unprotected sex before putting on a condom. I don't let myself get near to ejaculation we just enjoy it a bit then put a condom to finish the job. I have read a lot about this and have knowledge of pre-ejaculation fluid possibly containing sperm if ejaculation has occurred beforehand. I always take a shower, pee and make sure we haven't had sex up to one day before we do anything. We also never have sex again after I have ejaculated. Also, I avoid doing this or anything at all when she's ovulating. So if the claims are true, following this means these short 1 to 2 minutes of unprotected sex before the condom are relatively safe, or so I believe since we have been doing it for a year now. I know that doesn't mean it works maybe we have been lucky. That's where I need an answer. Is what we are doing OK?

We plan on eventually marrying and having a family but we are not ready yet. She hasn't graduated yet from college. I am about to graduate but currently I am unemployed. This has produced so much stress on me to the point that I have started to lose hair. Every single month when she's about the have her period I get worried thinking if it will arrive. Maybe I am getting overly worried but having a family at the right time means a lot to me and to her as well. Not to mention her parents have a good image of me. I wouldn't want to disappoint them. I also don't want to have her go through and unwanted pregnancy before she achieves everything she wants to do. We have a lot of plans and don't want to let them go to waste.

We have been thinking on getting the pill just so we can relax a bit. Recently she visited her gynecologist but she was denied the pill. She is now looking for another gyno and I am still losing my hair. We only want to do things right but we find it to be very hard. We have tried but the circumstances always promote the behavior. We have even promised to help each other but to no avail. If you have any suggestions that would help us it would be greatly appreciated.

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