choices

Dear New York Times

I sent this in response to the New York Times piece published last week regarding abstinence-only education. Alas, I didn't hear back from them, so I offer it up here instead. I feel it's important to get as much informed commentary out there on this issue as possible right now, especially considering the recent continuance and increases given to abstinence-only funding.

If you're choosing to wait to have a given kind of sex or all sex, the reason you are waiting is MOSTLY because

BDSM fantasy: will it limit my sex life?

Anonymous
asks:
I have serious problems becoming sexually aroused without fantasizing about certain BDSM-like scenarios. I've been having fantasies of that sort for a really long time- years before I even knew what BDSM was- so I was thinking that my problem might just be that I'm used to these types of fantasies and only fairly recently started trying to use other means to get myself off, so to speak....

He's really into sex... but I'm not so sure.

Anonymous
asks:
Hey. I have been going out with my boyfriend for a year now and he is really into sex. I am worried about it though. Whenever I'm at his house he always tries to touch me, but I don't want to be tight so I let him. Now he is hinting on sex! I am so embarrassed because I have nobody to speak to this about, my Mum died when I was little so I REALLY don't want to talk to my Dad about sex. Help!!! ...

Am I ready & without rubbing my clitoris, will it even feel good if I am?

Madison D.
asks:
I have been with my boyfriend for about three months and I am not sure if I'm ready to have sex. How do you really know if you're ready? We have talked about sex before and he wants to do it but I'm just not sure if I want to or not. We have done other things and have also talked about those and if it felt good for us....

Kosher Sex: A Q&A on Jewish Sexuality

I don't know if you are Orthodox or not, but if you are, perhaps you've heard of a term called "taharat hamispocheh" (rough transliteration). These are the laws (halacha) of family purity, or so they're called. They cover life situations involving sexuality and sexual activity.

Safe, Sound & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-To

What's safer sex? Find out how you can best reduce your risks of STIs and protect your health and how to do it and be supported in it without feeling like the Sex Decency Brigade or bringing on the buzzkill.

Does Abstinence Make the Heart Grow Fonder?

What we are talking about here is celibacy, the deliberate choice not to have a sexual partner for any period of time. There's nothing ambiguous about that. Being celibate entails sharing NO sexual acts with a partner: any kind of intercourse (vaginal or anal), oral sex, manual sex, and so forth. In other words, no physical, sexual contact with others; meaning any genital (penis or vulva) touch, with mouths, hands or anything else between you and someone else is off limits.