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Love, Growth, Fear & Other Kinds of Big-Scary-Wonderful

pixie9000 asks:

Can you explain to me what love is please? How does one feel? Can you describe the effects for me? or, is it the kind of thing you just have to know? Does it go away? Or is it something permanent? I think that I am falling in love with my boyfriend.

He is a senior, and I am a junior. Next year he is going off to college, most likely a really prestigious one far away. We have been going out for only about 4 months, but we have known each other for a few years, and in the last 4 months we have spent so much time together (pretty much every minute) it feels like it has been much longer.

We recently had sex for the first time (first time for me, not for him), and several times since the first time. I have to say, I'm not crazy about it yet, but what I am crazy about is the connection it makes me feel between the two of us. He is extremely considerate of how I feel during sex, and he wants me to figure out what I like. He is so caring and sensitive to how I feel, and we have talked about sex and our relationship a lot, and how sex will affect our relationship and emotions. I like having sex, and I love the time we spend together. We have talked about love, and how we don't really understand what it is, but agree that we definitely have a deep connection. But I'm afraid that my feelings for him are going to become too intense, and I am going to fall in love with him, and then he is going to go off to college and my heart will break (I know, that sounds cliche).

We have talked about love, and I think we both said we feel like were falling slowly, even if we don't completely understand it, like, what it really means. He says "lets fall, but not fall too hard," and I agree, I don't know if I can handle the raw emotion of love. After we have sex, I feel elated, but later, when he leaves, I feel depressed because I know that he is going to leave the city after high school, and then our relationship will be over and I wont feel this connection any more. Am I just overthinking this whole thing?

I don't feel safe with him: how can I change my feelings?

Becca asks:

I'm in my late teens and have been dating my first boyfriend for one and a half years. Early on in the relationship he broke my trust and later on has done a few things that have made me really uncomfortable: touching me where I've told him not to before, being very rough, and the worst, making a negative comment about my body. I've talked to him about all of this and it hasn't happened since but it's destroyed my trust in him, and my libido has disappeared. I now dread having sex with him because I'm always thinking about how he must hate my body and not respect me. Is there anything I can do to get me to believe he actually likes my body (like he claims to) or to learn to trust him again (and to be okay with him treating me rougher than I like?). I really love him but I can't stand the thought of him touching me at the moment because I just feel used.

Should I be concerned about his sexuality?

pagangirl asks:

Although I feel a little ridiculous asking this considering I should be more openminded towards sexuality and experimentation, I haven't been able to get it out of my mind. I started dating a man 10 months ago. I'm 18, he turned 26 around three weeks ago. He was married before, and she left because of her claiming to have been bored in bed and in general. Since the beginning of our relationship, I stated that I am bisexual and have been as long as I could remember. I asked him about his orientation and he told me that he was straight. No rushed answer, no hysteria. So, I believed him.

Months later--two months ago almost--I mentioned that I had heard that one of his friends had had a gay encounter. He shrugged and told me that he himself had experimented when he was 16, and had sex with another guy from school. He had anal sex, oral sex, and watched straight and transgender porn with the other boy (claiming the transgender porn belonged to the friend). He told me he couldn't kiss the other guy, because he felt repulsed, yet was able to perform oral sex on him.

The Pursuit of Hope

It was my personal mission to break the silence, not just for myself but for others who were not yet ready to speak. I wanted to share my story with whoever was willing to listen in hopes of making a difference in someone’s life. Look out world; I am on a mission to end sexual violence!

Sex and some change

Anonymous asks:

Me and my boyfriend plain to marry after school. I really love him and I really want him the same way he wants me, but I am scared about if we have sex then he leaves me. I don't want to lose him.

I voted, too!

I am writing this Scarleteen blog entry after having read Heather's piece after I returned home from my local polling place. Heather, I thank you for sharing your thoughts and reasons for voting the way you did this year; this blog entry was inspired in large part by your post. I find myself holding many similar sentiments to the ones you expressed here so well. As a fellow Green Party supporter as well as long-term Ralph Nader fan, whom I admire for standing by his convictions and staying true to his word in his actions*, I found myself with not just one but two very appealing third party/independent candidates that I'd very much like to vote for this year.

However, I decided that keeping McCain out of office, imagining just how horrible his presidency would be for the US and world at large, was most important: I cast my vote for Obama. As Heather so succinctly stated, "While I’d love to vote for my party (wouldn’t I always!), this is another of those years where I don’t feel a

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How can I help my girlfriend see how beautiful she really is?

Jacob asks:

My girlfriend is uncomfortable being naked around me. She is beautiful and I love the way she looks. If she could see what I see, she would be more comfortable. What can I do to make her feel better?

Depression has sapped my libido: will it ruin my relationship?

Emma asks:

My boyfriend and I have been together for over two and a half years. We used to have sex a lot (meaning a couple times a week and seeing as we could only see each other on the weekends, that wasn't too shabby). However, I've been dealing with a lot of depression and anxiety problems that have been making it hard for me to feel like having sex. This has been going on for a couple months and in that time we've had sex twice. I miss being with him and I know he misses it too. I don't want this to tear us apart. He's been there for me through all of these mental health problems and is definitely there for me during this rough sexual patch but I want that old spark back. What should I do?

"Pimp" Your Life!

Dear fellow Scarleteeners!

I am excited and enthused to present to you To Be... AWESOME or Just Be –– Tips on Making the Most of Your Life Right Now! This article, currently found in the TAKE TWO! Relationships section, seeks to provide motivation as well as encourage perspiration when it comes to changing your life to be the way you wish it were– while reminding you not to forget to stop and smell the roses in your current situation.

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Can you become less sensitive because of sex and masturbation?

Rachel asks:

I’m a 19 year old girl and I’ve been masturbating since I was 14. I usually do it every day, sometimes more than once. My boyfriend is quite willing to please when it comes to oral sex, but lately it isn’t doing much for me. Even masturbation is less satisfying than it used to be, and needs a firmer touch. You hear of guys who worry that too much masturbation has made their penis less sensitive to the extent that they can’t come during penetrative sex – can the same thing happen to a clitoris? And, more importantly, is there anything I can do about it?

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