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bias

You should wait for sex, but if you can't....

This is one of a long line of common phrases in sex education and sexuality messaging people, including people I think of us allies, use that I deeply dislike, like "preventing teen pregnancy." Let me explain why, working backwards.

"You should wait for sex, but if you can't..."

That's usually followed by "then you should have sex using safer sex and contraception." Or -- and usually addressing both those things -- "then you should at least be responsible."

In some respect, that's fine. Now, not everyone needs contraception, either because they don't have a partner with a radically different reproductive system than them or they're not having the kinds of sex that can create a pregnancy, so that doesn't always make sense. But for people choosing to have any kind of sex, we're 100% on board with the sentiment that all of us -- no matter our age -- should be engaging in sexual practices supportive of safeguarding everyone's best health, and in alignment with whether we do or don't want

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Should I be concerned about his sexuality?

pagangirl asks:

Although I feel a little ridiculous asking this considering I should be more openminded towards sexuality and experimentation, I haven't been able to get it out of my mind. I started dating a man 10 months ago. I'm 18, he turned 26 around three weeks ago. He was married before, and she left because of her claiming to have been bored in bed and in general. Since the beginning of our relationship, I stated that I am bisexual and have been as long as I could remember. I asked him about his orientation and he told me that he was straight. No rushed answer, no hysteria. So, I believed him.

Months later--two months ago almost--I mentioned that I had heard that one of his friends had had a gay encounter. He shrugged and told me that he himself had experimented when he was 16, and had sex with another guy from school. He had anal sex, oral sex, and watched straight and transgender porn with the other boy (claiming the transgender porn belonged to the friend). He told me he couldn't kiss the other guy, because he felt repulsed, yet was able to perform oral sex on him.

Preventing Teen Pregnancy: Three Words Most Likely to Make My Blood Boil

I hate, hate, hate that phrase. Nearly everywhere I go or look as a young adult sexuality educator anymore, I run into it incessantly.

Let me be clear: I don't hate doing all that we can, to help people of every age to avoid pregnancies or parenting they do not want or do not feel ready for. I'm so glad to do that, and it's a big part of my job at Scarleteen and elsewhere when I work as a sexuality and contraception educator and activist.

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Marriage: The Only Right Choice for Everyone...well, except for you. And you. And you.

Who gets left out, ignored, dismissed or denied when someone states that sex, good sex or real intimacy or love should, can or does only happen within the context of monogamous marriage, or when any given couple has only had one spousal sexual or romantic partner in a lifetime?

More than a few people.

  • gay, lesbian or bisexual people in same-sex romantic or sexual partnerships in most parts of the world, including those with families
  • people whose life or committed partnerships are platonic or affectionate friendships, same-sex or opposite-sex, not romantic or sexual marriages
  • people under the legal age to marry
  • those who are or who have been married and who did not or have not found all or any of those things within their marriages
  • rape or incest survivors, when others or culture class rape as sex
  • those who have been married and were abandoned by their spouse
  • couples who are not yet married, and intend to marry but are sexual together now
  • those who are married to someone who has extra
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How do you tell when women are done having sex?

Liam asks:

I know for a guy, sex is over once he ejaculates. But when is the sex over for a girl? Because I've always been told in sex ed that the guy is "finished" once he cums & that girls don't always ejaculate during sex. But I never really thought to ask about when a girl is "finished." So when does a guy know the sex has finished for both, if the girl doesn't always "finish off" like guys do?

I, Being Born Woman and Suppressed

Menstrual suppression is becoming increasingly popular, and has been widely promoted for women. For some, especially women with reproductive health issues which are helped by suppressing periods, it's an obvious boon, and some using it electively also report it to be a blessing. But what about the health risks? What about the attitudes informing that choice which cheerlead suppression by maligning menstruation? What about the benefits, emotional and physical, our periods can offer us? An opinionated, no-holds-barred look at the whole works and a paean to the period, no matter what a woman chooses to do with it.

For the Bible Tells Me So

Can the love between two people ever be an abomination? Is the chasm separating gays and lesbians and Christianity too wide to cross? Is the Bible an excuse to hate?

The ABCs of Size Bias

Body image ideals, like race and gender, are social constructs that have grown out of a combination of history, politics, class, and moral values. One need look back only a few generations, or across cultures, to see that attitudes about thinness and fatness are fluid and ever changing.

What is foreplay?

Anonymous asks:

I hear people talking about foreplay and pretended like I knew but I have never really understood what it was. Can you help?

Genderpalooza! A Sex & Gender Primer

It’s typically assumed that sex and gender are the same. They’re not. What's gender all about, then? What is the range of gender and gender identity, and how does gender impact our lives and how we live them?

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.