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balance

Two women, two partners, and four folks frustrated with intercourse.

frustrated asks:

My boyfriend and I have been going out for one year and have been sexually active for some time. Usually we have pretty good sex. But lately I've just been getting upset because I can never orgasm through intercourse. I know that's normal for girls but when I ask him to do other things, he usually doesn't want to. I almost always orgasm when he eats me out but he hardly ever does that and if he does it's never long enough. He wants to just move into having sex. I'm starting to feel like it's a chore for me and sex is just a way to get him off and then we're done. But I want to feel pleasure too. I already love him and love being with him sexually but is there a way we can try to make me orgasm through vaginal intercourse? Or is there a way I can make it more comfortable for him to eat me out?

When do I have sex if I want a guy to stick around?

Anonymous asks:

I am 22 and was the kinda girl that always had a boyfriend, all through junior high and high school and moved in with my h.s. sweetheart. I have become single for the last year and truly enjoy it. I rarely engage in intercourse (major STD fears) but do enjoy some PG13 action. I date very often and like to try and keep it all very old fashioned. It's not a rule I've made but I don't kiss on the first date and keep 'em wanting more till at least the 4th date when they finally get a lil makeout. I was casually dating a guy for about a month and felt he was really into me. I wanted to have sex so we did and now he is MIA. My girlfriend said thats what will always happen, they'll stick around til you put out than they peace out. 2 of my guy friends said they like a lil chase but if after a month of hot dates they still don't get any action at all they move on to the next. So when do I put out? To wait or not! I know theres no general rule or cookie cutter answer here but I would like all of your personal opinions. People say just wait til the time is right but c'mon... I'm not 16 and the time is always past due and very right. Thank you for the advice as well as this excellent site! Keep up the good work!

On why rape isn't her fault, no matter how you want to spin it, buster.

James asks:

Hi Heather, I just found a question from 'samy-baby' concerning rape when performing a google search for something unrelated as it caught my eye. I'm afraid you appeared all too eager to label the bloke as unsafe and 'stay well away from him', given that the girl openly admitted within the first words of her sentence that she gets her boyfriend stupid-horny then says "no sex", that's just cruel, and I doubt many men would tolerate it. I've made it abundantly clear with my girlfriend that if she makes the effort to turn me into a horn-monster, she should finish through or I'm usually very pissed off; not to say that I'd go ahead and have sex with her anyway. All I'm saying is you failed to advise this girl that if she doesn't want to have sex, then she shouldn't get her boyfriend horny.

When I'm fingering her, she seems completely unaffected: what's the deal?

Stevenmagee asks:

I have fingered my girlfriend quite a few times now. I can only get one finger up there and she never seems to react, just stands there as if nothing is going on. Am I doing something wrong?

Porn: the eternal conversation killer.

Teresa asks:

Why do men freeze up when you ask them about watching porn movies?

He's new to sex, I'm not, and I think his values are killing our sex life.

Anonymous asks:

I am 21 years old, and have a two year old daughter so am obviously no stranger to sex. My new boyfriend, however, is a 22 year old complete virgin. We have tried to have sex on multiple occasions but once we really get ready to go for the gusto he goes limp. All the rest of the time he is extremely erect. He and I both can't understand why he continually can't stay hard even though we have tried every position and possibility in the book. I think it has something to do with the fact that he and I are both Christians, but I think his conviction about having sex before marriage is so heavy it wont allow him to stay hard. Please help!!! It's getting to the point where he wants to try almost every night and I am so tired of trying.

I love him: is that enough?

nerdlove asks:

The truth is: I am scared. But also anxious, excited, curious. My boyfriend and I have an attraction unlike any I've ever known. He always tells me to let him know if I want to stop, and then he will stop. I want to be intimate with him, and I've definitely thought about it, but it could always be too much too soon. I feel we may engage in sex soon. I don't really know how to do anything, though. I think I'm ready for it, but we're both still young, in high school. I'm afraid for what will happen, for what I am or am not capable of. I want to make him happy, but not always at the cost of myself. I cannot get pregnant; this is my forefront concern. Sex has always been displayed as something funny by my friends, and dangerous by my elders. To me, it's more a... beautiful thing? I'm not sure. With my less than adequate experience, I honestly don't know. I know that I love him; is that enough?

Switching pills and douching

Dixie asks:

My boyfriend and I have had a sexual relationship for over 5 years now. I've always been on birth control, but recently (1 week ago) switched to another pill. The past 2 weeks he has been ejaculating inside of me.
Two questions: does my risk of pregnancy go up since I am in the middle of transitioning between pills AND how do I clean myself since he has been finishing there? I hear so many different views on douching, but I don't feel clean and would like to do something about it. Thanks so much.

Erection for almost an hour: what should we do?

Macy asks:

My boyfriend is 22 this year and he has had one sexual partner before me, I am 21 and he is the first person I've ever had a sexual relationship with. We've been having sex for almost a year and we've been together for about two years. I was wondering whether it is normal for a guy to be able to have an erection that lasts for 40 minutes (at least) to almost an hour (sometimes more) in bed? He tells me that a lot of girls want a guy who can last long in bed, but unfortunately for me (and ironically, him as well), I can never find the stamina to keep going for that long - we both do our parts and take turns with who is on top, but I reckon this is due to the whole process taking about 3 hours at least because of foreplay and the cuddling after sex. If we take a break, either of us will just lose the mood to continue. It is the same whether or not I give him a hand/blow job before we start having sex - he still maintains his erection for a very long time. I do get frustrated because of how long it can take, and although there are times when I do enjoy him being able to last so long, other times I'd rather just have a quickie. Is there anything we can do about this? Or is it just something certain guys have? I don't want to ask him about his previous sexual relationship because I'm comfortable not knowing the details.

Another question I have is whether a guy can be too used to his own hands when he masturbates, so much so that no matter how I try I can't get him to cum no matter what method I use when I'm giving him a blow/hand job (just my hands, hands and mouth, mouth only) which is what I do when he needs a release and I'm having my period. The reason I'm asking is also because when I'm tired or sore from all the vigorous sexercise, sometimes I try to finish him off with a hand/blow job but it's the same and it doesn't get him off unless he takes over and does it himself.

He doesn't complain about it, and doesn't force me to do anything that I am not comfortable with, but I do want to be able to satisfy him from beginning until the end because he never fails to satisfy me. Am I missing anything here?

What can I do to get her to orgasm: am I the problem?

Anonymous asks:

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 2 months now, and we have been having sex for about a month. I am unable to get her to climax. She has only had sex with one other person besides me, she only had sex with him one time, and she didn't like it when they did it. She had sex with me for the first time because her friends were pressuring her. I told her that I was not with her for the sex I was with her for her, but she told me she wanted to. So we had sex and she said it hurt her. It doesn't hurt her anymore and she tells me that she enjoys it, but I cannot get her to have an orgasm. I have gave her oral one time and she liked it, her legs started to twitch and afterward she had a cramp in one of her legs, but it didn't get her to reach her climax. Now she won't let me do that anymore because she thinks that it is nasty down there but I like doing it and when I did it I didn't find it the least bit nasty. She is a little bit chunky and she thinks that the sweat will make it taste nasty or what ever, but when we do have sex she does get pretty wet down there so I don't see a reason to use extra lube.

The last girlfriend I had reached her climax every time and usually two or three times. But when she left me I was single for about 10 months because I was trying to get over her. Now when I have sex I can't last very long. We have sex for about 10 minutes and I have reached my orgasm. The other night we had sex and I came and then we waited for about 10 minutes and had sex again only this time I lasted for about half hour. I am very self-conscience about my penis because I feel that it is small and unable to get the job done but I have never had a problem getting any other girls to climax. Could this problem be because she is new to sexual experiences or becuase my package is to small? Is there a way for me to make myself last longer? I have tryed masturbating before she gets here to try to make myself last longer but it does not work. I have never had problems like this before, my last girlfriend and I used to have sex for an hour or two everytime. I think she is also worried about having sex to much because she doesnt want to become "loose". So I don't know if it is her or me that is the problem.

I am concerned because I have liked this girl for a while now and now that we are together I am falling fast for her. I just want her to have the most pleasure she can out of the sex. Also she does not masturbate so she has never given herself an orgasm either so she don't know what she likes and I think she is sometimes trying to hard to get herself to experience an orgasm because I am trying so hard to get her to that her body don't let her. Also I would like to talk to her about new experiences and new ways to try to get her to climax but at the same time I dont know how exactly to talk to her about it. Thank you for your time and advice.

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