Skip to main content
I've been with my girlfriend for nearly six months now. I've always had a bit of a problem having sex with people (keeping it up) but this problem has never occurred between me and her. However, lately I've begun to feel very guilty about the physical action of having sex. The act of penetration is a great experience physically, but when I think about what I'm doing I feel like I'm stabbing her, or performing some kind of violent act on her. We haven't had sex yet since I started REALLY feeling like this (which was a little more than three weeks ago) but if we are making out and begin to have dry sex I often start to cry from the idea of what I am doing to her. She's very compassionate and understanding, and I have told her all of this, but I want it to stop. I need to know how to make myself stop feeling like I am abusing her when we have sex because considering the times we've had sex before I had this mindset, it's been an incredible experience of expressing our love to each other, and I'd really like to have that back.
I've been reading Scarleteen since I was at least 16, and the vital knowledge has kept me safe thus far... UNFORTUNATELY after getting through high school and college completely unscathed and mostly responsible, I finally dropped my guard for a nice, geeky, Christian boy who'd never kissed a girl EVER. And now I have oral herpes. I'm pissed. Really, really pissed. One day he greeted me with a kiss and when he pulled back I noticed his lips were a bit on the gross side. When he said, "Oh, I just have a cold sore," I completely freaked. Apparently his whole family caught it from his parents and they never made it clear to them that A) Cold sores/Fever blisters ARE Herpes and B) they can be spread to others. They act like it's completely normal. The last time I went to his house I saw a BULK sized bottle of Lysine on the kitchen sink. When my boyfriend asked his mom about why they never warned him, she replied that I was simply overreacting and that I should get over it.
I want to know how I can get through this without hating him and his generally very nice family. He's a great guy, and he didn't do it on purpose (I've never met anyone who has), but I'm just so pissed at him and at myself. I feel dirty, ashamed, and like I should have known better.
Newly Blistered Sister
I feel like at my age (16), it is so young to have sex. If I were to be dating someone right now, so many things would scare me, that I would choose not to have sex. The chance of an STI, pregnancy, not being good enough for my partner, having my parents find out, and so many more things. I'm scared that during sex, that I wont know what to do and I'm just not comfortable with my body. Most of my friends are having sex and they say they like it, but the fact is, that I'm terrified. Everything about sex scares me. I'm worried about my body, what my partner will tell his friends, the rumors that will get around school, being inexperienced, and I'm scared it will hurt for the first time. I don't want to be seen as up tight for not wanting to have sex, and I know I don't mind having sex before marriage, but I was just wondering about moving past my fears and letting go. So, if you have any ideas, I would love to hear back from you.
I am 15 and when I was 14 I started becoming very interested in masturbating. I actually used objects and penetrated them inside my vagina. After a while i realized how stupid I was being so I stopped with the masturbating. I've been dating my boyfriend for about 4 months and we are so comfortable with each other. He makes comments as a joke about vagina tightness and how I'll bleed when I have sex at first and it will hurt. But the thing is I have basically de-virgined myself. Will the guy who I lose my virginity to notice that having sex for the first time with me will be easy to get in and everything? I really regret masturbating and everything. This may sound stupid but I'm very worried.
Ever since I lost my virginity I haven't been able to get very wet. Tightness is not a problem, but my boyfriend keeps complaining that I won't get wet and we have to work over and over again just to get him inside. I don't like using lubes so is there a reason it's like this? I'm on birth control pills so I think that may be it but what can I do to get wetter without using lubes?
While out of town this weekend, between two plane trips and a couple late evenings up reading, I started and polished off Elliott Currie's The Road to Whatever: Middle-Class Culture and the Crisis of Adolescence in very short order.Read more...